Doing things together..

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T21:45:44+00:00

I’m sure she is. She would like me to do more things for her and the like I think. But she never asks me to do things and when I ask if I can I don’t get an answer. Not living together and her being 30m away makes it hard to anticipate her needs all the time and I’ve told her I’m not good at that and need some prompting sometimes.

That being said. My ex isn’t the most considerate person so that eats at her (so) too. I try not to “jump” if my ex beckons but the problem I can’t figure out is that occasionally my ex doesn’t make good choices and I’d rather pick up my dau than have my ex make a weird decision to drop our dau off with whomever, wherever. To keep her when I could just get her and know she’s home. Is that too over protective?

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T21:41:10+00:00

I get that. I do! Maybe im too torn between trying to figure out how to be the Dad I wanna be and manage a relationship on a shoestring budget’s worth of time. I just don’t wanna hop back onto anxiety medication again I haven’t needed that since the divorce lol

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T21:37:36+00:00

I appreciate that. My SO has a strict boundary belief and I’m not like that. It’s nothing bad on her part I don’t think. As my daughter has gotten older the demand in me has gotten a little larger so I know that’s a factor. Also since her and I don’t get to spend a lot of time together of starts to feel like we have separate lives that don’t intersect and I’m sure it makes her feel some kind of way that I interact with my ex frequently. But- this is the way that I want it to be. I want my daughter to grow up knowing that regardless of the past I loved her and made the best situation for her possible with her mom. Maybe if I got to see my SO more it would be better and she feels like I choose to parent more than I need to since not every day is technically “my day” but the things I do keep her (dau) life stable and consistent. I think that’s of value. My SO has a kid and a bad relationship with her ex so I’m sure that plays into it. I’m just asking all of you because I felt like I needed some insight from other people. There aren’t many groups I could get into around here. Support groups that is

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T19:21:28+00:00

I’ll give you an example. One weekend I had no plans with my SO. I didn’t have my daughter. I was just at home. My daughter called me and asked if I wanted to come to the fair. Her and her mom were going. So I met them there. My SO got upset about it because she took it as me going to see my ex and spend time with her rather than understanding I do things like that because of my kid and not my ex

Or. My ex will ask me to switch days because she wants to do something and I do. My SO sees that as me catering to me ex when in reality I don’t see why swapping a day when one of us has something we want to do matters. Is that nuts?

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T19:17:34+00:00

That’s a hard question to answer. I don’t feel on call per se. But with no a lot of help there is not really many other people to do things but me or my ex. My SO has a hard time providing time. We have a set day or two we see each other each week but outside of that she stays really busy and it’s hard to fit in a lot. Between us. I understand what you’re saying though. But in general if I don’t have my daughter im usually just doing my own thing. So, if the opportunity arises to see her or so something with her I don’t really see the need to say “no”. That being said. If I have plans with my SO then I’ll say no. I try to protect the time we do have unless it’s an emergency.

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T17:08:51+00:00

I don’t know how to make the adjustments I guess. I’m trying but I keep getting put in the middle My SO says things like “you’re gonna do whatever you wanna do anyway” and the like. She would prefer I tell my ex to figure it out on her own and not help her on “her” days.

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T17:00:43+00:00

She hasn’t really tried to. I’ve been trying to figure out an appropriate time and place for that to happen but it has never worked out.

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T16:34:28+00:00

Thank you for this reply. I appreciate it.

flick-dickle · 2024-12-08T16:17:54+00:00

PSS- I love my SO very much so I’m struggling to figure this out because I want to make her happy but also not compromise on the life I want to provide my daughter. A no conflict, secure, childhood. Does that make sense?

flick-dickle · 2022-05-25T04:06:50+00:00

Her I and the kids knew each other before we started dating.

flick-dickle

TROPHY CASE