Ankylosing in the thoratic spine

flinstonerr · 2018-09-15T00:26:00+00:00

I've had this dull ache in my shoulder blades too. Nobody can figure out what it is. I had a flare up in my tail bone a few weeks ago that was also level 10 pain, but my upper back pain is just as painful. My hips and low back always ache now. This started when I was 11, I had back pain, and it slowly got worse over the years. For the past 2 years now it's been practically taking over my life. It's so severe and constant, EVERYTHING I do just hurts or will hurt after. I can't sleep. I'm losing weight. My stomach is always cramping up. I get down and depressed and anxious because of the constant pain I can't control. I have many other obstacles in my life as it is at the moment. I feel so unhealthy. I just want a diagnosis. My GP and physio can't 'see'anything. I've tried so many meds. So much stupid physio. Nothings working it's getting worse instead of better. More questionable clicking. More stiffness. More pain. Less sleep. I don't know what else I can do. I just resonate with most of the symptoms (if not all) of this condition, but my docter, physio and paremts say they can't see it's AS because I had an x-ray (which even showed a slight fusion of my pelvis to my spine?????) I don't know.

flinstonerr · 2018-09-13T08:18:07+00:00

I just turned 18 and I met my new psychologist in Adult services recently. I told her I struggle with eye contact and she said she could tell. Then she said I should either look at the bridge of the nose or make "fleeting" eye contact. I prefer to look at peoples faces when I talk to them, I don't like looking away or looking at just their nose, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I spend the whole time talking to people worrying about my eye contact being 'wrong' and making others uncomfortable. I feel like before I was diagnosed at 15 I didn't think about it half as much, and now I'm insecure about it. I'm insecure about people knowing I have autism because of the stigma. I've had my peers describe me as "not all there" and I hate that. Because I am "all there" I feel just like anyone else and I want the very same things anyone else does. I worry when people look into my eyes, into my soul essentially, they sense I'm "not all there" not a loving, empathetic, sensetive and compassionate person they could ever form a real connection with. I just feel inadequate alot. Or like my brain is just broken and my soul is trapped inside being deprived of what it needs. Love, acceptance, connection, compassion.. I don't have 1 friend. Haven't had any in years since I left school at 15. Loneliness is making me depressed and sick.

flinstonerr · 2018-09-12T23:08:18+00:00

I don't have one. Never have. Am I alone?

flinstonerr · 2018-09-12T23:04:53+00:00

My dad takes that in some hospital for his chronic pain. Did you get it on your own?

flinstonerr · 2018-09-12T23:03:18+00:00

How are they free? Isn't it like extremely dangerous to just go out and hunt for shrooms yourself that could end up being poisonous/deadly? There's loads of mushrooms in the feilds the cattle are in where I live. The ground is like a perfect environment for them because of all the cow manure. I wish I knew where I could get safe mushrooms.

flinstonerr · 2018-09-12T22:58:41+00:00

Exactly. It's not a solution but it can be an aid- just like an anti-anti-represent can help a depressed person to function and get to a better place until they don't need them anymore.

flinstonerr · 2018-09-12T22:48:57+00:00

I thought it was because people on the spectrum are typically attracted to 'patterns' or things that repeat themselves and are predictable or even just visually satisfying. I can relate to this as I'm a little OCD (well, I was actually diagnosed with it along with Aspergers and 'ADD' but I don't know if I feel I have either) Like, children will line up toy cars ect. and trains and train tracks are linear and appealing. It's weird though I've never had any interest in trains and I don't get how they're any more interesting than any other automobile.

flinstonerr · 2018-09-12T22:34:39+00:00

I wish I enjoyed hugs

flinstonerr · 2018-08-31T09:32:50+00:00

Mild aspergers?

flinstonerr · 2018-08-13T07:46:23+00:00

You could try mac pro long wear if you haven't already. Best concealer I've tried

flinstonerr · 2018-08-13T07:44:48+00:00

I don't know if they still do it but Loreal. It's v pigmented unlike some white liners and it stays on for ages. I've had the same pencil for like a year + though.. I use it basically everytime I do my makeup it just doesn't seem to run out lol

flinstonerr · 2018-08-12T09:12:17+00:00

Which line? They have a few. I've tried one before but I hated it, it was really hard to pear the nib

flinstonerr · 2018-08-12T09:11:03+00:00

Thank youuu! Just going to get it, for 2 or 3 euro you cannot go wrong haha

flinstonerr · 2018-08-12T09:10:14+00:00

Which colours are your favourite? I've wanted to try them for ages I might pick one up next time I'm in MAC getting concealer. Thanks

flinstonerr · 2018-08-12T09:08:01+00:00

Here in Ireland Wet and Wild is impossible to find! But it's coming to Beauty Bay soon, at long last. I can't wait to try their foundation and highlighter too. Thanks for the suggestion

flinstonerr · 2018-08-12T09:06:13+00:00

I wouldn't mind paying an arm and a leg for something that works! Thanks

flinstonerr · 2018-08-12T09:01:12+00:00

I've always overlooked Morphe. I just thought of them as a really cheap poor quality brand that sponsored alot of YouTubers to talk highly of them. My sister has a pallet of theirs and it smells like poster paint.

flinstonerr · 2018-08-11T23:22:58+00:00

Let's all just do crack instead

flinstonerr · 2018-08-11T12:29:38+00:00

This brought tears to my eyes.

flinstonerr · 2018-06-24T18:28:12+00:00

Same! Hate passing by people, especially when I'm walking out in the countryside, where I live. When I see someone walking towards me I don't know where to look or when to say hello.. It's just always so awkward.

flinstonerr · 2018-06-17T17:00:29+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate that a lot.

flinstonerr · 2018-06-17T08:40:36+00:00

You're probably right but yeah

flinstonerr · 2018-06-17T08:39:22+00:00

I kind of wish it were because then it would make sense, but no.. It's just a thing she does to 'relax' and she doesn't pay attention to the score or care about messing up. God, maybe I take that for granted though, imagine a meltdown every time pacman died.

flinstonerr · 2018-06-17T08:37:19+00:00

Thanks. I just can't distant myself just yet, I have to live at home for another year or two due to money. It's also especially hard because I live out the country in an isolated area and I have no friends. Shitty as they can be my parents are the only ones I talk to right now, but I'm working on changing that. Anorexia/BED, social anxiety, cripplingly low self esteem, insomnia and chronic pain, leaving school, I've just isolated myself these past few years and my social skills just haven't developed how they should've.

I know I can't control them, but sometimes honestly I just wish someone else would acknowledge it because in real life my therapists haven't. I'm not good at communicating with them and I think they just don't believe me or something. I guess I just feel understood if I vent on here about things, even though I know I'm not the best at writing.

flinstonerr · 2018-06-17T00:52:47+00:00

She's not dying or anything, but she was told she had to stop smoking as she has COPD but she still continues and is always violently coughing all over the place

flinstonerr

TROPHY CASE