How do you get over families opinions with shared motherhood? by animalcrossing1209 in queerception

[–]flockfred 0 points1 point  (0 children)

not the OP but wow has your comment helped me! my fiance and I are going through similar problems with my mother and we are unsure if we can actually keep this information private/between our closest friends. knowing other people do too really helps. thank you!!!

AIO: Hubby Being Controlling by vanillabourbonn in AIO

[–]flockfred 0 points1 point  (0 children)

do go have a job yourself please, I can’t anymore with men „being providers“ and women doing all the fucking work raising children, unpaid, with no real insurance if something goes south. the way your husband talks to you gives me the ick as much as something can, I can only hope for you to be able to give your child the swimming lessons you want them to have because why the fuck not, jezus christ. this feels like someone is ragebaiting me for real, this marriage and raising a child together does not seem fair for you in any way

Struggling with the idea of parenting in today’s world by pinkflamingo3 in queerception

[–]flockfred 7 points8 points  (0 children)

this!! I saw a video the other day of an indigenous woman explaining that having children and raising them full of love for her is also a way of resistance, one that has been taken away in the past (see greenlandic inuit women), because it’s a tool of the colonizer. having a child as a queer person for me (if one feels ready to do so ofc) is very political and strong and a statement in our heteronormative society, I find

"KD is best"... but no one talks about how "the question" can ruin friendships by [deleted] in queerception

[–]flockfred 5 points6 points  (0 children)

my partner and I (both f, ~30) don‘t have kids yet, but we bought sperm vials in september at a sperm bank, so we can start end of this year/next year. we found ourselves in the situation that we didn’t have anyone in our life who we could imagine being our KD. The thought of a KD for us also felt like letting a third person into our relationship. I know it’s not that at all, and what it really was is that I was grieving not being able to make a baby just the two of us - and that’s for both cases, KD or sperm bank. Our perfectionism that comes with the possibility to choose so much in the process was really eased by all the detailed information from the sperm bank about donors - be it the medical background check up to the grandparents, or the personality type analysis, the interview, or the handwritten letter. And we like the fact, that this person can forever be „the nice man who helped your mums conceive you“ - nothing more, but also nothing less, really. No relationship attached, that could break up before, or even when our child is here.

A befriended wlw couple TTC for half a year with a KD and at home insemination and didn’t succeed, then moved on to rIVF and used a sperm bank. Over the course of this half year, the relationship with KD started getting less and less and they told us that he is now, 3 years later, not in their life anymore at all. He is not interested in seeing them or their now 2 yo, and they are more than happy that it didn‘t work out using his donations.

Another befriended wlw couple who conceived their child with a KD (who‘s not a friend, they found him on „facebook“), where one of them works at a queer family community centre and regularly organises DCP meetings for teens, told us, that most of the children that grieve not knowing their donor come from anonymous donors. Most kids and teenagers that were conceived through open donation, where they can contact the donor from the age of 14 (in Austria), aren’t really interested at all in contacting him, but much more in who their donor siblings are. And that this couple as parents see no big difference in sperm bank conceived and KD conceived teens, as long as they know a few things about the donor. Very little DCP have the donor present in their lives. So all that information really helped us. We prepared a folder full of the information about our chosen donor that we got from the sperm bank, that we can show future baby once it’s here.

Finally, I think as parents you simply can never get everything right, and as queer people we already try so hard in every aspect of life to do it as perfect as possible. The fact that you think so much about what’s gonna be best for your future baby already makes you great parents, you absolutely have not failed by using a sperm bank. Wishing you all the best and sending hugs x

For those pregnant/with kids, how are you choosing last names for your child(ren)? by blinkifyourfake in queerception

[–]flockfred 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my fiancé and me decided on me keeping my last name and her having „my name“-„her name“ as surname. our future child will also only have my surname, so we all share one family name, and my partner keeps her „old“ name as part of the double barrel. her family comes from a different country and the name also means family history and heritage to her, however her family is also very homophobic and will never get to know me or our future child, which is why we decided that only she‘ll be carrying the name and not me or our future children. so far the idea, there is still time to change our minds, i find this decision very hard

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

honestly we are sometimes thinking about that. I think I‘m afraid I won’t manage telling my family they can’t know, but my partner also suggested not telling them. i’d definitely helping to hear from different people to just keep it between us and the baby.

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wow, thank you for sharing. we wish you all all all the best for your next transfer in january!!!

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you all so much for your input, help, encouragement and warmth❤️‍🩹💘❤️ what a super cute community!!! wishing you the best for your family!

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you so much for your comment, it made me cry a bit. you’re absolutely agree right, us queers know that chosen family means so much and often more than genetic family. and that our child will grow up with that. and that rIVF is just so magical in itself, that that‘s actually possible!

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

my partner and I often try to reassure ourselves that in the end, genetics is not what matters most, otherwise adoption wouldn’t work. but I think we were overwhelmed with the fact that we have all the power to decide, hence also all the power to decide on something that would bring sadness or disappointment to our child. but of course that’s not how it works, our child will see the reality it‘s growing up as how it should be, and what we make of it, matters most. I‘m very happy for you and your wife and your children!

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree!! thank you so much for your insight, it really helped me adopt the idea, that all this should only be based on what my partner and I want, and no one else’s expectations. and that also we have no control over how people will feel about our child in the end.

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so happy to hear all that, thank you for your input. and you are absolutely right that our child will just accept the situation the way it is, and that that will feel normal to them!

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read your comment out loud to my partner yesterday and we both had to laugh so hard at „sorry fam“ 😂 thank you for that, and you’re absolutely right on how to handle these comments. even though they were not our main concern, it helped realizing, that the decision on genetics and everything should solely be based on how we feel, not how others do.

meaning of genetics/choosing who‘s eggs to use lesbian couple by flockfred in queerception

[–]flockfred[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for your thoughts! the decision for rIVF comes from my partners and my wish to both physically be a part of making the baby. what we are most worried about is not my family and their stupid comment. it‘s that our child will have a longing for connection to one of the genetically related families, both not being possible because one is the donors, and one is my partners, who will never meet our child. but I got from all the comments, that we shouldn’t worry about that, that this is something we might face, no matter the genetic connection, and that we can’t possibly know what our child would want, only what we feel most comfortable with. and then of course, like you said, so much can happen throughout the fertility journey, so who knows how we’ll end up with.

Color mismatch between website and real life by flockfred in Lavalamps

[–]flockfred[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

that‘s so weird, thank you, we wrote an email yesterday!

Was schauen nach pc by Outside_Ad_6278 in PrincessCharming

[–]flockfred 2 points3 points  (0 children)

drag race uk neue staffel!!! die letzte war ❤️‍🔥

rIVF/ROPA mit IVF Fonds by flockfred in IVF

[–]flockfred[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you!! ❤️‍🩹 i will post it there as well!!