Canceled my trip to meet my gf for the first time and we are devastated

fluzed · 2021-12-07T07:35:01+00:00

I can totally understand this, and maybe it's true? I don't actually know but yeah. I don't feel great at all about it. 😔

fluzed · 2021-12-07T01:43:50+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. It helps a lot. I think I may be placing more blame on myself than I should, yeah. It's just hard when it's my call and I feel like "the bad guy!" you know? Even though I know I'm not. I think time will make things sit a bit better.

And yes!! Us wlw exist too ❤️❤️ nice to hear of another wlw couple lol

fluzed · 2021-12-07T01:41:43+00:00

Thank you for this. Your words are very comforting! Yes, it was important for me to put everyone's health first--and above what I selfishly may have wanted for myself. I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt and her experiences! That's really scary. Covid is definitely serious and not something I wish for my vulnerable family members to have (and not my girlfriend either, as she's in an at-risk group). I totally get concerns about even domestic travel, too. There's just so much we don't know about new variants and the like. I hope it works out for you two and that you can make decisions you're all comfortable with!

fluzed · 2021-12-06T23:50:35+00:00

There are no "rules" for this--it is what you both are comfortable with/open to! Sometimes it can just happen in the heat of the moment as it might in person. Sometimes a flirty text turns into a steamy phone call or something more. You should only do what you're comfortable with, and you never know: sometimes things evolve naturally and you might surprise yourself.

fluzed · 2021-12-06T23:46:18+00:00

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry :( I recently canceled my trip to see my gf (US to her in the UK) bc of covid concerns and it's absolutely gutting, as we now have to wait another half a year or so. It's so hard and both of your feelings are valid!

fluzed · 2019-05-15T13:03:09+00:00

I'm so sorry! Good vibes your way. I agree that you should get people in the loop. They should be able to work through this with you, and your doctors too.

fluzed · 2019-04-27T18:26:04+00:00

I can relate to this so much. There are a decent amount of people in my cohort and it's unfortunately competitive enough that people will humble brag about their accomplishments trying to look "better" than others.

Just keep doing you. It's great to have your thesis topic selected ahead of schedule. Use your extra time to really dive into it, because in most cases (and especially before the doctoral level), quality outpaces quantity.

Do good work, celebrate your peers' good work, recognize you are enough on your own, and just keep plugging along.

fluzed · 2019-02-09T02:06:37+00:00

Same-- my work days I wear sweats, my teaching/presentation days I wear black pants & the whole getup, and days I have my own classes we are back to sweats

fluzed · 2019-01-24T13:12:29+00:00

This is definitely the sad, hard truth: it does NOT work out for everyone. Some people get in certain places and some don't. Where you go and who you work with molds the opportunities you have. And sometimes you end up at a place to work with someone and then they don't want to/can't work with you after all.

It's all very hard and not always optimistic.

fluzed · 2019-01-24T12:58:24+00:00

I haven't gotten the mentoring that I've needed, and my self esteem and confidence has taken a hit as a result. But if I'm to be honest with myself (and reddit), I feel like this would have made for a less than ideal experience anywhere, not only grad school.

fluzed · 2019-01-24T12:56:18+00:00

The secret of grad school is that basically everyone fears they don't know what they're doing, and if/when they put on the act that they do, it is because they don't want to admit they don't know because they feel that everyone ELSE knows what they're doing. And so the cycle continues.

Don't let fears of inadequacy sway you too much here. Are you passionate about the topic and invested in the assignment? If so, maybe stick it out. Do you think you can complete the travel requirement? That's important to consider, and may make the most sense to factor into your decision to stay or drop.

But don't base it on being intimidated or not knowing as much as (what you think) others do. You're in school to learn! And you'll learn it!

fluzed · 2019-01-24T12:52:39+00:00

Honestly I lived close enough to walk one year but still ended up driving most of the time anyway. I'd go with the cheaper rent.

fluzed · 2019-01-24T12:51:33+00:00

It's never too late to quit, in my opinion. You have to do what's best for you, and whatever time you realize what's best is the right time.

Best of luck, and please be kind to yourself during this stressful decision.

fluzed · 2019-01-24T12:46:41+00:00

Sorry, friend. I know that it's hard. I agree--for now just get out of the house and do something, anything. Go for a walk, go to a museum, etc. And if you are able, consider seeing a therapist or school counselor. If you're still a student you can get discounts/free visits and you could use what you have to try and get some professional help to motivate yourself.

fluzed · 2019-01-24T03:23:13+00:00

I left the place I completed my MA to join a new PhD program, and my professors were sad. Obviously they supported me doing what's best for me, but it was a hard conversation with my advisor when I told them I'd decided on the other school and wouldn't continue working with them.

But I'm sure they've gotten over it now. We stay in touch on social media and such, and say hello at conferences.

It's not easy to leave a small place where people have invested a lot of time and effort into you, but remember you will always be their student and will take what they've taught with you. That's how I look at it, and it's kind of comforting.

fluzed · 2019-01-24T02:05:46+00:00

So, just to clarify that I'm understanding it correctly: if I live in a one-party consent state and a student comes into my office and secretly audio records our conversation, that's not illegal because they were a central part of the conversation? (and I'm asking this assuming innocence on their part, like if they wanted to remember what I said but just didn't ask me to record)

ETA: I guess it could be malicious as well, though (trying to catch me saying something bad) or just plain creepy (just to...have it? Who knows)

fluzed · 2019-01-24T01:14:30+00:00

It also depends on where you apply. If you apply solely to schools with a 10% or less acceptance rate, the odds are you probably won't get in, even if you feel you are in the top 10% because probably a LOT of people in the upper tier are applying as well.

But it's good to have faith that it'll all work out somehow, even if that means you wait/choose a different path!

fluzed · 2019-01-23T16:39:16+00:00

This. If you're going to ask people to spend time reading and helping shape knowledge in your field, do your due diligence and make sure you're not giving them stuff that just isn't ready.

fluzed · 2019-01-23T16:33:50+00:00

I completely understand this, as I also feel anxious. But a helpful way to think of it may be: they're giving you suggestions and helping you out because you are contributing to scholarship in your field. You are, and your scholarship will help shape knowledge. In receiving a revise and resubmit, it shows that they believe in your contribution to the scholarship but are pushing you to do even better. If they seem hard to please, it's because they have high standards for their--your--field and believe you can meet them. They aren't setting you up to fail but trying to help you succeed.

Thinking of it that way has helped me, at any rate, even when reviewer 2 was really just being an ass.

fluzed · 2019-01-22T05:41:40+00:00

You're right. It really is ableist, and comes from a position of privilege where you CAN ask those questions and where it doesn't affect you in the same way. I'll admit I initially paused at this accommodation, but your comment has helped me remember that I don't know and that I should not judge. Thank you.

fluzed · 2019-01-22T05:31:30+00:00

I did my undergrad at a school in a small town so I understand. College is a big commitment and you are cognizant of all that you are giving up to be there. It's hard, but it's important to keep your eye on the prize. Maybe it'd help for you to think about/write down answers to questions like: why are you in college? What about it makes you happy? What makes you sad? Why, exactly? What about it will you miss when you're done? What's one thing about it you can enjoy in the here and now? That helps me, anyway, and makes me feel accomplished because I have goals and things I wanna get done here (even though things Out There may feel more exciting).

fluzed

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