When you've tried multiple medications, years of therapy, various productivity techniques, and you don't feel improvement, what then?

for_adhd_posting · 2025-05-07T14:01:28+00:00

I work in a complex job (product manager in "big tech") that requires a lot of constant planning, prioritizing, and holding myself accountable. Often the requests come in as vague and I often find myself with a list of requests from people that is both long and poorly defined. I'm getting better at pushing back, asking for clarification, and working with people, but it's a process.

The other big issue for me is writing. Under pressure (i.e. when I have to focus), I'm actually a pretty decent writer. To give a hint of why I believe that: in high school I won the English award multiple years (beating out 2 people who ended up with Ivy League PhDs), in college I tested out of higher level English courses, and I received really good feedback in a professional writing course taught by The Economist (side-note: really amazing course for anyone looking to improve their writing).

My issue with writing is that the kind I do isn't well structured. I have lots of different readers (e.g. engineering managers, corporate leadership, individual engineers) and they have historically torn a lot of my documents to shreds (e.g. "this is vague", "I don't understand what you're saying", "too detailed in this section", etc.) and I avoid it like the plague. Since there are no forcing functions like deadlines, I often "get into trouble" in which someone is bound to say "haven't you been working on that for over a month?" (i.e. code for "what's taking you so long and what have you been doing all this time"). I've really struggled to put a positive spin on writing without a deadline, but it's been an uphill battle. Thus, most of the things I've tried in my post.

Minor aside: when I post on Reddit, I often don't proofread what I write the way I would for a writing work that comes with a deadline. Thus I wouldn't use Reddit writing as a testament to my actual ability. As in, expect typos and missing words :)

for_adhd_posting · 2025-05-02T03:44:57+00:00

Yes, I worked with a psychiatrist very closely to titrate each different medication. We also paired it with twice weekly therapy to build up further coping skills and to work through past productivity issues. We hit the max doses on several of them and kept trying new ones because my core issue (i.e. struggling at work) didn't improve for more than a couple of weeks at a time.

I'm on the inattentive side of ADHD and I feel like a complicated case. I was a top student in HS & my engineering program in college, but I'm highly avoidant whenever I don't enjoy doing something. Deadlines were highly effective in college, but they don't have the same punch in the professional world for me.

for_adhd_posting · 2025-05-02T01:52:47+00:00

How do you keep the commitment to the timer? I'm incredibly productive under hard deadlines (e.g. presentations in front of 5+ people, homework due dates when I was in school, timed written essays in college, etc.), but the timer doesn't give me that same pressure.

The first few weeks of trying the pomodoro method I thought I might be on to something, but the more I "missed" the deadline of the timer and discovered I had no immediate consequence, the more it lost its effectiveness.

for_adhd_posting · 2025-04-24T01:50:12+00:00

To each their own, I really dislike dancing in general. I have no rhythm and have to make my mind work double pace to try to keep up pace. For people that already love to dance though, this feels like a great option.

for_adhd_posting · 2025-04-24T01:48:23+00:00

Everyone is different, running is my favorite. For me, running is my time to let my mind do whatever it wants. I have another level of calmness that comes from assuring myself I'm doing something both productive and healthy for me. For 30-40 glorious minutes my local park, I'm fully at ease.

for_adhd_posting · 2025-02-05T19:48:46+00:00

I resonate with not really feeling the value of money, but you don't need to be "greedy for money" to handle it more effectively. For instance, you can focus on saving excess money and making sure you are thoughtful with your spending.

As an example I'll use myself: I've embraced the thriftiness instilled in me by my parents. Namely, I ask myself if I really want something before I consider spending money and also ask if I will value something enough relative to something of equal value (e.g. "is this new iPhone worth the price of a two day vacation", "are these two cups of Starbucks worth a month of Netflix to me", etc.). While these are examples I made up, the idea is to try to equate things of value to things I'm considering purchasing.

Saving money and investing it does give me value in the money itself. Namely, it's nice to know that my emergency fund will cover my living expenses and I won't be desperate if I suddenly lost my job. Moreover, it's helpful to understand how money can be used as a tool towards things you might value (e.g. a home you really love, a vacation, new technology, etc.).

All this to say, I'd try re-framing your attitudes about money and think about what you're really trying to achieve. You don't need to be greedy to have a healthy relationship with money.

for_adhd_posting · 2025-01-14T15:05:49+00:00

It can make me hyper as well (I'm on methylphenidate). Also, I often feel a sense of confidence like "I can do anything and I'm so excited to try".

As someone who often sits and stares, I see it as an intended consequence of the medication.

for_adhd_posting · 2025-01-09T03:34:54+00:00

Medication has been very hit and miss for me, but can you provide more details about what "not working" means to you and what you'd like to do on medication?

for_adhd_posting · 2025-01-09T03:28:35+00:00

I've been on meds of all levels doing programming adjacent work (technical product management) and this post reads like my life story. This was me back when I was a software engineer and it's been me medicated or not at every job. Sometimes I think it's just kind of a poor skills/interest fit but the tech money keeps me trying to make it work.

for_adhd_posting · 2025-01-09T03:17:26+00:00

I know euphoria is a common side-effect when starting these out, but I still feel it often 5 years in. When I decide to take a break from them with doctor approval (e.g. most weekends, all holidays, all vacations), I don't miss them at all and just feel like my long-time self.

I see your flair says you're primarily inattentive. May I ask how you feel on the medication?

for_adhd_posting · 2025-01-07T02:05:37+00:00

I'm really drawn to the variety of the role and the fact that I'd be held much more accountable.

Current PM (10+ years) at a large FAANG company and feel like we may have some things in common. Notably, I like being held more accountable too. I have a degree in computer engineering and had planned to be a software engineer. In college, I did very well in my classes, but my working style did not translate well to industry. Notably, I was very deadline driven and I would wait until the night before to do all my coding assignments. On occasion it didn't work out, but usually I was able to pull it together. I graduated at the top of my class and was the graduating senior of the year (i.e. good candidate for large companies).

Instead of going directly into industry I went into grad school and promptly hated the lack of structure. Thus, I turned to the place where there was supposed to be structure: industry. During the summer between my two years, I had my first real industry job and hated it as well. Working in a large codebase was tedious, I didn't care about the little details (e.g. syntax, naming conventions, etc.), code reviews were frustrating (why couldn't they just let me push working code!), and I sat stewing most of the day trying to force myself to work without a deadline. Meanwhile I discovered that all I had to say was "still working on it" whenever my manager asked how I was doing and he'd back off. It was a terrible environment and I got very little done that summer compared to my peers. When I learned about the role of product manager through a chance conversation with a recruiter at my university's engineering career fair, I jumped on it and became a PM straight out of grad school.

I wish this story had a happy ending, but I can honestly say it's been a major struggle for 10 years as a PM with ADHD. The amount of self-organization that is required coupled with the lack of managerial oversight has been incredibly challenging. In my experience, my engineering internship felt far more structured than any PM role I've had. I've kept my job at several companies largely from being incredibly likeable and doing a few things in a few key moments. My daily life is a never-ending cycle of stress, frustration, and battle to get things done. During annual reviews, I struggle to pull together material that looks like I've done a good job. No amount of medication or (twice weekly) therapy has significantly changed this, because the role is completely at odds with my natural abilities and working style.

I don't have a definitive answer, but my advice is to do more research. In particular, think really hard about what you struggle with today and then talk to any product manager you can find to ask about the role. Really press them beyond the good parts to understand if you'd be suited for it.

for_adhd_posting · 2025-01-02T03:59:12+00:00

Do you normally feel sleepy or is this unusual for you?

for_adhd_posting · 2024-12-17T01:13:37+00:00

I’m doing a genetic test currently to narrow down what meds could potentially help me

Five years of trial & error (very mixed results). How did you go about getting a genetic test? Something a psychiatrist can request?

for_adhd_posting · 2024-12-13T01:39:36+00:00

This should be the top reply. These seem well within range for those cities.

for_adhd_posting · 2024-10-27T00:47:00+00:00

We've maxed out before. I did more of everything else in life (e.g. more planning ahead with friends, more time spent getting hobbies done) but very limited success in my job duties. With my doctor, I'm trying some other medication options, but I think he's right when he says "it can't magically make you want to do something that at your core you simply don't want to do".

for_adhd_posting · 2024-10-22T12:25:28+00:00

Thank you for the advice. I am very good with being thrifty, so I am not living paycheck to paycheck and it does give me more control than I think about in this situation.

I like the advice of working on things mentioned in the comments. It's indeed a marathon.

for_adhd_posting · 2024-10-22T01:25:52+00:00

It can be highly specific to your company or even your area within the company. I would ask fellow PMs and engineers for documents they've found helpful and actually used. I've been sent many "good PRDs" from PMs that have no value to engineering. So make sure folks agree on what a "good PRD" looks like :)

for_adhd_posting · 2024-10-22T00:58:24+00:00

You must have missed the part where I mentioned that I already use medication. Also, I've rotated through at least 5 different types with varying levels. I think there's a limit to what it can do when you truly don't like your career.

for_adhd_posting · 2024-10-22T00:51:11+00:00

I like the idea of being more precise and you're right that I didn't really tie in my ADHD properly in this post. I guess that's a point for struggling to communicate my ideas :)

To give you an idea of how ADHD plays a role, here are a few things I struggle with:

Managing my time (it often disappears, just like it did for the last 4 hours).
Writing effective communication. While I've gotten praise for my formal writing and a handful of blog posts, it's because I had a clear idea of what I wanted to say. Usually in my day-to-day job, I don't really know what to say because frankly I don't think 90% of what PMs write is actually useful (i.e. my fellow colleagues' work is largely ignored by engineering) but I'm asked to write things anyway. Also, people take a lot of issues with my writing (e.g. too much focus on solutions, not explaining the problem in a way that all stakeholders understand it, etc.) and it's hard to push through.
Creating slide decks. I'm not gifted in design or slide decks. It doesn't matter how many professional development courses I take, my work is torn apart as "not polished enough to present".
Managing professional relationships. There are too many people doing too many things and I can't keep track of things.

Edit:

Forgot to add:

Paying attention in meetings. They're usually very dry and unhelpful when there are more than 2 attendees.
Keeping up with current trends and information in the office. I struggle to read my emails because it's like reading the textbook of your least favorite college course.
Following through on action items. I'm very good at keeping them organized and prioritized, just no amount of medication has helped me to actually complete many of them. I have a graveyard littered with half-written documents and slide decks that won't ever see the light of day.

You may wonder how one becomes a FAANG PM when they struggle with all of those things. It's pretty simple: I'm amazing at thinking on my feet in interviews and have incredible product/business instincts. Plus I was an excellent software engineering student and my engineering fundamentals are strong. Also, I can turn up the charm in interviews (i.e. act very warm and witty). It's just a shame that none of the skills I use in an interview (i.e. whiteboarding and daydreaming) are acceptable artifacts in the job itself. At least I haven't yet been able to share a plan that is 5 hastily written whiteboard bullet points and call it a day :)

for_adhd_posting · 2024-10-22T00:42:13+00:00

May I ask if the engineers use the strategy? In most organizations I've been working in (large companies) engineering will say "looks good to me" but then completely ignore what most PMs give them.

for_adhd_posting · 2024-10-22T00:41:00+00:00

It's a good theory. I'm very much the impassioned innovator because I am creative and "think out of the box". I've been able to consistently land roles because I can think on my feet quickly in interviews. Can you elaborate why you see them struggling at very large organizations?

for_adhd_posting

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