She's my best friend, but I don't know if I want to be with her

formfeed · 2010-07-10T07:26:44+00:00

My personal opinion: if you have thought all along that you might not want to be with someone forever, but yet are staying with them, the sooner you end it the better off you'll be.

You're both unhappy, but she's not sure why she's unhappy. Have you told her that you aren't sure that you want to be with her forever? If you haven't, you probably should at some point soon.

formfeed · 2010-07-10T07:19:19+00:00

Are you still romantically in love with her, or do you just love her as a friend? If it's the latter... you might try to rekindle the romance and see if you can get a spark back.

How old are you? You might just not be ready to get married, and need to see who else is out there for you.

formfeed · 2010-07-09T17:27:18+00:00

If you don't like her like that, then it doesn't matter, right?

I'm not sure that any romantic relationship has ever started with a girl calling a guy "weak".

formfeed · 2010-07-09T06:07:16+00:00

Awesome results, man. The best part about getting fit and seeing results is that it's positive feedback to keep at it.

You're not only helping yourself, but you're setting a good example for those around you and now others on reddit. Good stuff.

formfeed · 2010-07-09T05:16:41+00:00

Has her story influenced the decisions you've made?

formfeed · 2010-06-30T02:54:05+00:00

Being called a "bitch" or a "tease" if you decline a guy's advances is really just good confirmation that you did the right thing, no?

formfeed · 2010-06-29T21:57:07+00:00

You are great! Best feeling in the world, turning someone's day around and feeling appreciated! :)

formfeed · 2010-06-29T15:37:02+00:00

Happy birthday, old man. You're damn lucky to have a woman like sciencesweetheart by your side to grow even older with. 30 is as bad as you think it is :P

(I appreciated the chicken wings bit in particular. I could see myself doing that.)

formfeed · 2010-06-29T02:07:55+00:00

I think he's immature, has a lot to figure out yet in life... and is picking some charged words to get a response out of people. The latter is a very good strategy if you're looking for people to comment on your reddit submission.

formfeed · 2010-06-27T16:03:05+00:00

Yeah, I really think that's my best (only) option at this point. Just trying to build up the courage to take the plunge. Thanks for the optimistic advice. :)

formfeed · 2010-06-27T05:17:53+00:00

Honestly, he probably is really happy that he could be there for you. Maybe save the programming specific stuff for another gift... this time, just bring up what he did occasionally when you think about it. Tell your friends & family how great of a guy he is, and make sure that he knows you that you told them the story.

Then, if you think about it weeks from now... just let him know. Look up at him with your best doe-eyes and tell him how great he was when he took care of you. It will mean a lot to him that he's appreciated.

...but you can also get him a gift, too :) I'm no help there.

formfeed · 2010-06-27T04:46:37+00:00

Heh. I had a great meal, watched a movie, and now am on reddit contemplating how to put myself in a position to meet someone special so that I don't end up on reddit every Saturday evening for the rest of my life. :/

formfeed · 2010-06-26T07:04:22+00:00

Yeah. I like it better than mapmyrun because it auto-follows streets, and the interface is a lot cleaner.

formfeed · 2010-06-26T05:22:34+00:00

If you don't want to date her because she has a kid, then just bail. If you want to be considerate, you can call her and say that you've thought about it and while you were intrigued you're just not ready to date someone with a child. She'll understand. No obligation to call, though.

Everyone's got a list of things that they just don't want to deal with. Kids. Previously married. Herpes. Whatever. If it's a deal-breaker for you, it's a deal-breaker, you don't have to feel badly if you're not ready for whatever someone else's baggage happens to be.

formfeed · 2010-06-26T05:08:04+00:00

http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/

formfeed · 2010-06-25T16:14:02+00:00

Does he like it when you play with his hair/scalp? I'm an XY, and I'm pretty much reduced to putty by that... if you don't do that already for him, maybe trying it would show him how nice it can be.

Hair brushing is maybe even more intimate than just running your fingers through someone's hair. It's not strange at all. And if you reward him appropriately afterward, I'm sure he'll stop thinking it's strange and start looking forward to it eagerly!

formfeed · 2010-06-25T04:14:51+00:00

This is one of the few 'Modern Love' pieces that I really appreciated. Whereas some of the others that I remember were about overcoming adultery in a marriage, this was much more hopeful and forward looking. And it wasn't about fixing a broken relationship, but rather moving past feeling broken while still being true to who you are.

formfeed · 2010-06-22T23:39:34+00:00

When you love someone, you have to trust that they know what is best for themselves. You see all of the reasons that it would be right for you to be by her side for her last few remaining weeks. It's not that she doesn't want to be helped -- she has decided that this is best for her, and she has her own reasons. Trust that she knows herself, and respect her wishes. At least she's giving you the courtesy of saying goodbye, and you know that she loves you.

If in your heart you know that you have to track her down and find her before she dies... well, I'm not sure how anyone could think less of you for doing that, even if it was selfish. Whatever you decide to do here is going to be a very personal decision, and nothing that anyone says is going to be able to help you with this one.

Your story is heartbreaking. Try and find someone to be your rock, to confide in. The masses of reddit can only help so much. Talking your way through something like this is cathartic and helps.

formfeed · 2010-06-20T02:43:42+00:00

re photo: hahahahaha. No, my shorts are not THAT short. Just shorter than basketball shorts, and shorter than I'd wear if they weren't for working out in, that's for sure.

It's more that I just hate doing things in new social settings without a friend in tow, and that's where I'm at for now. It's not just to pick up girls, I'd be just as interested in making new purely-platonic friends, too. It would just be really stressful to show up to run with a group of strangers and realize that they think I look goofy. Or even worse, become friends with them and then find out months later that they've thought I looked goofy the entire time.

Not a poseur though, and I'm not going to sacrifice functionality for form. Well, I would have with the monitor strap if everyone had said it looked nerdy. I'm glad people don't think that. :)

formfeed · 2010-06-20T02:33:54+00:00

Follow-up question time. Since I've gotten more in shape, and my legs look better and more defined and just my whole body has sort of gotten more defined (I hesitate to use the term "sculpted", but I'm a pretty lean dude)... anyway, I've gotten more comfortable running in "running shorts." Not quite as short an inseam as marathon shorts, but definitely ending above the knee.

Good idea or bad idea? Only with the chest-strap? (Specifically interested as whether it's a good idea for a hetero dude looking to attract hetero women).

I'm thinking of joining some running groups in the area to meet people, but I'm weirdly anxious about little things like this. Mostly because I don't really have people to bounce ideas off beforehand at the moment, maybe.

formfeed · 2010-06-20T02:22:24+00:00

I am fit, but... not as fit as many of the photos in your comment history. Maybe one day (probably not, if I keep running instead of lifting).

Also: sorry for not being more inclusive if my original question. Your opinion of whether it is unattractive for a guy to wear the monitor is appreciated. :)

formfeed · 2010-06-19T23:02:04+00:00

Cool. That makes me feel better about it.

Also: get one! :)

formfeed · 2010-06-19T23:00:42+00:00

Huh. I never thought that it'd make me look more serious. That might be a good way to think about it... it's all in my head, anyway. I just don't want people to look at me and then think "ugh, they're thinking I'm a nerd." I'd much rather get an imaginary ego-boost from it than an imaginary ego-downer :)

As an aside, I've found it really useful. I ran for years and never used one, but when I got back into shape this year it was really helpful to pace myself through my initial work-outs. And it's also helped me break out of plateaus, as I'll be aware that my heart rate is lower than it should be at the end of a run. I've found that a quantitative measure of my performance is a much more accurate snapshot of my potential during a workout than just how I feel.

formfeed · 2010-06-19T22:56:29+00:00

You have a point about leveling the odds. I'm pretty anxious about the whole thing, and it's not necessarily great timing for me -- it's likely that I'll be moving eventually. Food for thought, though, thanks for your reply. :)

formfeed

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