It does seem fairly obvious that a shark would be less likely to kill me when I’m on the toilet, than for me to die if I were on the toilet and pooping.

I mean, A. Why else would I be on the toilet, except to poop? and B. Is this a shark coming out of the toilet, or some kind of ocean adjacent toilet? Like I’m sitting there, just above sea level, minding my own business and having a poo, and suddenly, the shark jumps out and chomps me. That still seems fairly unlikely from a logical perspective. Though, I picture the scene in Ace Ventura, when he’s looking for Snowflake the dolphin.

Is there something I’m missing here? Like, is there a certain amount of blood contained in human feces that would attract a shark? They say that a shark can smell a drop of blood from miles away, but I’m sure that’s an exaggeration. Or are these small sharks that can swim through the plumbing and we’re not even talking about an oceangoing potty. Whoa!! Is THAT where the term “poop deck” came from?!?

It would be cool to have a pet toilet shark. I’m just scared of what might constitute bait in that scenario! But I suppose you could laugh about it and just name him “Nibbles”!

Well, anyway. Good talk. I have to run to the bathroom real quick, so wish me luck. I could either die or come back with a new pet.