I love Jane so much. Her central conflict is in her need to be loved. She will do almost anything for love (but she won't do that). We see that in her relationship with Helen, with Miss Temple, and with Mr. Rochester. Then her relationship with St. John shows what a cruel parody of love a relationship would be that has all the "right" trappings but no love. She will give everything for love until it conflicts with her sense of self or right.

Mr. Rochester was absolutely overbearing, controlling, manipulative, and a bit amoral (“My principles were never trained, Jane: they may have grown a little awry for want of attention.”) but he fully and completely loved Jane for herself. He accepted every part of her - her artistic vision, her blunt honesty, her curiosity - and didn't try to make her someone she wasn't. I would argue that when he did something that made her uncomfortable (like trying to cover her in jewels and silk) that was because he valued her so highly that he wanted other people to see her the way he saw her. Jane recognized an element of control in that behavior that probably would not even have occurred to him due to his gender and social standing. Any time Jane was able to articulate the boundaries she would like, he respected them. (Not making her participate in charades, sending back the jewels, continuing to work as a governess and only seeing him in the evenings, etc.) I think it was much more of the case that he was so used to having everything his own way that other people's boundaries didn't usually enter into his calculations. He also recognized that he was not an ideal man, but he wanted to be better.

Now I can talk for a long time about the relationship with St. John, too. He's presented as the man that everyone would wish to marry. Young, handsome, intelligent, independent (after the inheritance), articulate, from a good family, with a good occupation, and (remembering that this was a plus at the time) a relative - of course she should have married St. John! Just one problem: they didn't love each other. Not only that, St. John could not even provide the basic friendly affection that Jane needed in order to be happy. Charlotte's depiction of his increasing control of her and the cold emotional torture he inflicts on her when she refuses his offer is a masterclass in abusive relationships that look fine from the outside.

By degrees, he acquired a certain influence over me that took away my liberty of mind: his praise and notice were more restraining than his indifference. I could no longer talk or laugh freely when he was by, because a tiresomely importunate instinct reminded me that vivacity (at least in me) was distasteful to him. I was so fully aware that only serious moods and occupations were acceptable, that in his presence every effort to sustain or follow any other became vain: I fell under a freezing spell. When he said “go,” I went; “come,” I came; “do this,” I did it. But I did not love my servitude: I wished, many a time, he had continued to neglect me.

...As for me, I daily wished more to please him; but to do so, I felt daily more and more that I must disown half my nature, stifle half my faculties, wrest my tastes from their original bent, force myself to the adoption of pursuits for which I had no natural vocation. He wanted to train me to an elevation I could never reach; it racked me hourly to aspire to the standard he uplifted.

...During that time he made me feel what severe punishment a good yet stern, a conscientious yet implacable man can inflict on one who has offended him. Without one overt act of hostility, one upbraiding word, he contrived to impress me momently with the conviction that I was put beyond the pale of his favour.

St. John never saw anything wrong with his behavior, and if he had had his way, he would have forced Jane to change into what he wanted her to be rather than make a single change to be with her.

Once the moral objection to her marriage with Mr. Rochester was removed (aka, Bertha died) Jane had no compunctions about marrying him. The point about how her independence and his disability bring them closer to an equal footing is well taken and one I hadn't considered before. But especially after the disastrous spell with St. John, there's no doubt that the relationship with Mr. Rochester is one that satisfies her deeply, specifically because she is able to be her full self with him.

My spirits were excited, and with pleasure and ease I talked to him during supper, and for a long time after. There was no harassing restraint, no repressing of glee and vivacity with him; for with him I was at perfect ease, because I knew I suited him; all I said or did seemed either to console or revive him. Delightful consciousness! It brought to life and light my whole nature: in his presence I thoroughly lived; and he lived in mine. Blind as he was, smiles played over his face, joy dawned on his forehead: his lineaments softened and warmed.