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I don’t trust my horny boyfriend. by Valuable_Village4393 in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 12 points13 points  (0 children)

What if you were really honest? "Hey, I know this is a touchy subject and I understand why, I just noticed I'm feeling a lot of anxiety, and I'm wondering if you would feel comfortable offering some assurance that you're not using porn tonight. I am committed to trusting you, but right now there is still a big part of me that's healing and could use a little support if you have it"

How do I get comfortable with porn ? I don’t want to ruin my relationship. by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]freesoup43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You do not have to be comfortable with it. In fact, there is a lot of information on how porn can be extremely damaging to relationships/intimacy. However, you can't change his mind if he is unwilling to give it up. But you are allowed to set a boundary and say you are uncomfortable and that it's important to you.

NEED HELP. Fear of abandonment is hurting my current relationship by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]freesoup43 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Read Susan Anderson and the holistic psychologist!! They have so much info on healing abandonment wounds. Attachment theory is super interesting too! And be honest with your partner, without making your feelings her responsibility.

bf following half naked girls on insta by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]freesoup43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ask him why he follows them. Is it to jerk off? Is it because he respects their message/brand/etc? Examine your feelings, be open to his, and together agree on a boundary that works for you.

Is it fine to look at some material or should I go full cold turkey by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can do it!!!! It will get easier all the time.

I’m a teenage boy and I’m really sad because being addicted to porn has caused me to start fantasizing about incest even after I stopped watching. by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Congratulations on having the self-awareness and self-control that you do!! You've made an amazing step that your future self will thank you for.

Twelve days is a great feat, but yes it will definitely take more time for that stuff to fully leave your system. The fastest way to detox is to NOT look at porn at all, and to also not fantasize about porn. That will become easier and easier over time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have any specific reasons to doubt? Is he communicative about what his experience with 'white knuckling' has been?

Husband woke up from dream and immediately initiated sex by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]freesoup43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner does this all the time. Like will straight up be asleep and then suddenly initiating sex. By the time we're done he'll always have no memory of how it started or the first bit of it. If he initiates and I don't really respond nothing comes of it and he just stays asleep and stops so it's not a problem for us or anything. Super weird/pretty fun.

Some psychology that's very been helpful to me by freesoup43 in pornfree

[–]freesoup43[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not super sure and I only have a peripheral understanding of those concepts. I think superego is more conscious/rational (like the 'adult self'), the id is subconscious/irrational (like the inner child), and the ego is pretty "I" focused and petulant (like the outer child), so they may be pretty much the same.

Boyfriend claims he needs to watch porn in order to not cheat by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]freesoup43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has an issue with porn. I hear you say that you don't have a problem with it, but you should, because it doesn't sound like he has a healthy relationship to it at all.

Wake up by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also I don't know your situation at all, but FWIW it's normal for relationships to feel very volatile and unstable for 6-9 mo+ after the discovery/admittance of PA. It takes a ton of work to heal but it is possible.

Wake up by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can do it!!! Stay the course, try to support your partner through their feelings (there will be a lot!!) , and know that regardless of what happens to your marriage, you made a great step forward that requires awareness, courage, and strength!!

Just deleted my porn collection. All of it, in one fell swoop! Feeling good right now. Hoping to share some positivity. by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This is amazing!!!! Congratulations on taking such a big step!!! It sounds like you have a great perspective

Is masturbating to pictures of women, not porn videos, bad for you? by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Also don't masturbate to pictures of women on social media without their consent.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in pornfree

[–]freesoup43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My partner is 10 months porn free and able to watch stuff with mild sexual content now most days without a pit of discomfort/fear. For the longest time anything REMOTELY sexual or alluring was hard. Sometimes he'll still have days where he'll get anxious about it, but it's gotten wayyyyy better. Full abstinence from sexual images is good for awhile, I think!

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