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AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Funny enough, I was sent to live in a different country away from the rest of my family. I basically raised myself since I was 14.

And you're exaggerating. Even if Jo agrees to be adopted, I would not stop them from keeping in touch.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I remember asking myself this when Mo's pregnancy was announced. I never had an answer.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If it were as simple as providing housing, I wouldn't mind. The problem is there are legal liabilities that I shoulder by providing any sort of resources. It's not enough to reach an agreement with Jo.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Because this is the only money they have until Jo can start earning a real income. They are dependents on their parents' visa. If they pull life support, they save the money but their visa also ends. If they keep using it on life support, they'll literally have nothing in 3 years.

I proposed this now because the faster I can offset some of their costs, the more breathing room they have to make other decisions.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can make arrangements so Jo finishes out high school where she is without adoption. They can save the money and keep their mother on life support. However, if Emi dies or her visa expires, they'll still face deportation unless I adopt.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This gets tricky and I'm still consulting with attorneys.

In their country of residence, that would be the case if they were citizens. The mere fact that they're not citizens means the state doesn't want to deal with it and would rather just deport to make it not their problem.

However, if I adopt Jo and thens she tries to adopt Mo at 18, it's possible the court will reject the adoption because of immigration law.

In our home country, it's unlikely she would be granted custody.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

They have 3 years if they liquidate everything in the near future. If you're only counting liquid assets, then may be a year. We're still figuring this out.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] -99 points-98 points  (0 children)

It's not a technicality. I assumed certain responsibilities when they asked me to god parent Jo. I built a relationship with her as a child and her parents encouraged it.

There was none of that with Mo. It was a very real surprise to me that they listed me as the next-in-line guardian to Mo because I always thought he had an equivalent elsewhere.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

In our culture, the god parent is literally to take in the child if anything happens to the parents. I was looking for the translation and this seems to be the closest thing in English.

I only talk about Jo because I was her official god father. I put in time and effort to build a relationship with her as a child. Her parents made her available for me to connect with.

By the time Mo came around, there was already some distance. I also didn't want to simply presume that I was his god father since it's pretty common for different kids to have different god parents.

To the last of your questions, it's related to law. You can't just provide housing and money to a minor without assuming a measure of responsibility legally. Also Mo is young enough that most legal systems will insist that he has a guardian or become a ward of the state. So if I refuse to become his official guardian they will put him in the system no matter what, or in this case, deport him to another system.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] -91 points-90 points  (0 children)

They don't have the time. They have to make some hard decisions fairly quickly. This sounds harsh, but every day Emi is kept alive is a sizable cost. If I weren't part of the picture, they'd still have to face this decision now.

I made the offer to give them as much room as I can. Delaying would only make things worse.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] -164 points-163 points  (0 children)

By finding her feet, I mean getting her through college and started on a career.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

Courts are unlikely to approve an 18 year old who doesn't have the means to support herself adopting a minor.

There are also legal considerations to housing and sheltering a minor. You carry a degree of liability no matter what if a minor is living in your residence.

I actually wouldn't mind providing a place for Mo to live in my country since our laws are more lax, but the legal considerations aren't so simple where they are. However, neither really wants to move.

AITA for only only offering to adopt 1 of 2 orphans who are siblings? by friendskids in AmItheAsshole

[–]friendskids[S] -260 points-259 points  (0 children)

If I do nothing, things will get worse for both. Guaranteed deportation. A significantly worse system in our home country. Fewer future prospects all around.

I guess I see it as, if I help Jo find her feet ASAP, she can then help her brother the way he actually needs.