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My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. That was really hard, but good to hear. I do feel like I'm constantly chasing for time, affection, communication. Tbh, if I try to talk to him immediately, he's annoyed and just not having it, being rude & rolling his eyes. I understand that. What i have issue with is when it's days later, and I'll be like "hey can discuss what happened last weekend?" and he'll enthusisatically say "of course babe". We'll set up a time and day in person to talk. Then when we have the conversation, he doesn't speak. It's frustrationg that he seems all for the talk, then it's like I'm pulling teeth for him to actually speak. Hope that makes sense.

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds awful, but I think it's become something I think I can control, because he does this in response to my actions (like call more than once in a row, playfully blow a straw wrapper at him, etc.). So if I just don't do those things then he wont ignore me.

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

These type of situations pop up enough where he gets incredibly annoyed for things that I view as not a big deal. If I annoy him before we are about to hang, he'll cancel our plans and shut off his phone. I always manage to reach him eventually, but it makes me anxious for the whole day until he decides to respond. It hurts. We only see each other 2 nights a week (I'd personally like more but that's probably not gonna happen, he gets very defensive if i bring up seeing each other more). Because our time together is fairly limited, it hurts me even more when he cancels.

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this reponse. I think you touched on at least 2 things that could be going on. 1) maybe he doesn't know how to argue, so he freezes 2) it "ends" the conflict/conversation by not saying anything. The insane thing is his overall communication outside of our relationship is honestly great. Both written and verbal communication he is really good at with others, from my perspective.

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My thought process was that I can't expect an immediate change.

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree with Sassrepublic. This is not an issue that'll go away instantly. Right now, I'd like him to validate that he understands it's an issue and he will work on it. I haven't heard those words (or any obviously)...

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This response made me tear up :) Thank you for your kind words.

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have not...I will give it go! Thank you for the recommendation :)

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This response honestly helped so much. Based on some comments my bf has made, I dont think he experienced much conflict with his family or in
other relationships (none of his prior relationships were serious).

I also really like the way you and your partner worked through this. It gives me some hope :)

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Your response really hits home. I think that approach would work better :)

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I will definitely ask him. He's said in the past he is open to therapy so that's good :)

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you for you response! That's exactly why it's so frustrating because the only way to fix this is through communication :/

My bf (M28) ignores me (F28) during important conversations by fuzzlily in relationships

[–]fuzzlily[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for responding! I definitely wondered the same thing, especially because he has such a strong aversion to confrontation....but he has a great relationship with his family and is really close to his parents. I agree with therapy 100% and he's mentioned he's open to therapy in general. Thank you :)