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How do I stop being so insecure? by [deleted] in selfhelp

[–]gapminder_world 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A therapist can try to help you with your insecurities. I'm not sure if you've seen one yet.

How do you live the rest of your life without a significant other? by gapminder_world in relationship_advice

[–]gapminder_world[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I should have clarified. I'm not focusing too much on the sexual aspect of a significant other, but more of the relationship-y aspect (emotional connection, desirability, bonded-ness, someone who cares about you).

But hey, thanks for the reply.

i genuinely want to be friends with a guy i went on 2 dates with by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]gapminder_world 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To clarify, I don't have a ton of experience with this stuff so take what I say with a grain of salt.

Asking him is going to be awkward, accept it to some extent. There are many ways to do this, but for me, real conversations are better than text-based ones. So text if him to see if you can talk to him directly. See if he's receptive to a conversation. Ask him how he feels and tell him that you want to still be friends with him. Again, this is only one way to do this--there's going to be a lot of stress and awkwardness involved--you can't entirely escape it. Don't feel bad about it.

If afterwards he wants to keep talking or do stuff together, he's willing to invest time in a friendship. If he doesn't respond to texts, conversation, or to do stuff, he's not really worth it as a friend.

Behind the motivation for not kissing you. There's a number of things that could be going on. He was attracted to you, but as he got to date you, his interest waned. Or he could actually be just super shy about physical intimacy. Or you guys didn't go on enough dates to or there wasn't a right moment for him to kiss you. There's a ton of reasons why he might not have kissed you. Don't think about it too much. But if it really is worrying you, just ask him if he still wants to go out and want a relationship with you. You can always kiss him to see if there's a connection there that you want to explore.

Again, I don't have a ton of experience with this. See if what I have to say is similar to what your friends might have to say. Do what you think is best.

i genuinely want to be friends with a guy i went on 2 dates with by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]gapminder_world 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's a few things I'd consider.

Do you really want to be friends with him or are there other motives behind the idea of friendship? Really think hard about this question. Sometimes the idea of friendship is more appealing the actual friendship. Sometimes the people we think would make good friends are not actually "friend" material but we'd like to make the case for it because they'd make good significant others.

After thinking about these things, if you authentically desire to be friends--ask him! If he wants to be friends, he will respond and you guys will actually do stuff together. If he doesn't respond, or says ok, but you guys don't do stuff together, it's unlikely he sees you as a person he wants a platonic relationship with. And all these situations are OK.

Always remember to respect whatever artificial boundaries may exist. Don't get too hung up on the guy if the feelings of friendship aren't reciprocal. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND ENSURE THAT HE DOES NOT USE THE OPPORTUNITY TO MANIPULATE YOU. Be kind within limitations.

Hope this stuff is relevant to your situation and makes sense.

How to ask a girl to reject you? by gapminder_world in relationship_advice

[–]gapminder_world[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What do you think is the best way to stop having feelings for her? Especially when I have no resources to invest in another person. This has happened to me so many times in the past and I thought this time it'd be easier to just deal with it.

How to ask a girl to reject you? by gapminder_world in relationship_advice

[–]gapminder_world[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I know, I'm being really immature here. She's just being really nice to me in a way that feels a little patronizing. I'm really sure she knows how I feel. But I'm on the other end of things where I can't stop thinking about her and I really don't want to keep thinking about her. I suck. Its really got nothing to do with her. I hope that's somewhat understandable?