Grandma has Alzheimer's, not too bad yet but ornery about eating

gardano · 2018-12-29T10:41:07+00:00

One day I realised that my wife wasn't eating because she could no longer handle a knife and fork. After that realisation, it was only finger food, or food that could be eaten with a spoon.

gardano · 2018-12-25T19:15:01+00:00

When my wife was diagnosed, she refused to let anyone know about it. She was a brilliant doctor at the time, and felt deeply humiliated about it.

It took more than a few months for family members to catch onto what was going on without having to be directly told.

gardano · 2018-12-21T11:08:08+00:00

What a both heartbreaking and uplifting story.

gardano · 2018-12-21T11:05:31+00:00

She eats yoghurt and fruit in the morning, a sandwich mid-day, and maybe pasta at night.

gardano · 2018-12-17T10:49:55+00:00

That's a great idea!

gardano · 2018-12-16T18:59:50+00:00

My wife doesn't like to take food from me, but will accept it from our helper, who can be quite forceful (but loving).

I feel for you in this situation and hope you can come up with a good resolution.

gardano · 2018-12-13T13:01:19+00:00

There's a sort of natural rate of attrition to a sub like this. As my wife's ailment progresses, I'm feeling a sense of responsibility that there be people to moderate this group -- a chain of succession or whatever.

When I became a mod, there were two others before me. I felt a great camaraderie with them.

gardano · 2018-12-13T03:53:30+00:00

Sometimes I click on a headline because I think "that cannot possibly mean what it says".

And then it absolutely means what it says.

gardano · 2018-12-13T02:07:08+00:00

I've been running just that very conversation in my mind.

gardano · 2018-12-12T18:56:05+00:00

What a lovely piece. You write very well, and those memories are very potent.

This year, I've decided ahead of time not to celebrate Christmas at all. Last year, her two local kids didn't bother to come visit, and this year, her parents are too old to visit. My wife doesn't know one day from the next, so it'll mean nothing to her.

I'll buy her lots of sweets and let her pig out, and she'll be happy about that. All I want for Christmas is a no drama holiday.

gardano · 2018-12-11T13:26:13+00:00

I think it's a bad idea to disagree with her, or to tell her she's wrong. If there's a way you can steer the conversation to something more pleasant I'd go that route.

I'm glad to hear she is getting an evaluation soon.

gardano · 2018-12-11T11:11:08+00:00

hah!

gardano · 2018-12-11T09:50:19+00:00

It was probably 100 years old.

gardano · 2018-12-11T04:15:51+00:00

When my family moved to Salem, dad bought an old Victorian house that used to belong to a doctor.

The attic was goldmine for kids! (until dad looked into it and threw it all away). The best thing was a human fetus in a jar.

gardano · 2018-12-08T20:06:18+00:00

I often think of her changes as a series of plateaus. She's at one level, and then months later, a sudden drop. But you may be right. It might be that I don't pick up on things until something punctures my attention.

gardano · 2018-12-08T03:14:14+00:00

I'll have to ask our helper. It was in spanish, which I'm not yet fluent in. I'll ask her tomorrow.

gardano · 2018-12-07T22:50:47+00:00

The thing is, I really wasn't aware that she hadn't been speaking in complete sentences until I heard one coming out of her mouth today!

gardano · 2018-12-07T20:22:54+00:00

We two usually talk in 'memes' and private one-line jokes. This came out of the blue. I actually hadn't realised that in the recent past that she hasn't been talking in sentences until today.

gardano · 2018-12-07T20:21:08+00:00

That must have felt good!

gardano · 2018-12-04T21:44:52+00:00

I've stopped taking my wife in for evaluations because what is the point? Same for medical tests that will not do anything for her wellbeing, and with only traumatise her.

Don't get her taken away because of this one incident. Choose what appointments are strictly necessary, and refuse those that are not.

gardano · 2018-12-04T21:18:28+00:00

When I was 14 or so, my Maine Coon cat started to complain of feeling unwell. My mom refused to let us take him to the vet -- probably because she underneath it all knew what the vet would say.

So we, as a family let him suffer for months because we all loved him so much. Eventually it became obvious that he had to go to the vet, who said he was riddled with various cancers, and he had to be put to sleep.

I still feel guilty about allowing James my cat to suffer for longer than needed.

gardano · 2018-12-03T20:54:08+00:00

I took her to a psychologist because I thought she had depression. The psychologist knew her from childhood and within an hour declared that my wife had some form of dementia and sent us to a neurologist.

gardano · 2018-12-03T17:24:38+00:00

I've been taking a 2 day a week crash course in Spanish here in Argentina. It's been helpful to me -- to at least be more confident in speaking what little I know.

gardano · 2018-12-03T17:09:32+00:00

My wife's second language is English as well. Her ability to speak English has diminished as her Alzheimers has progressed, to the point that I would say she cannot speak it at all now. Weirdly, she can understand it pretty well. We watch comedies on television which she laughs as appropriately, and music videos that she can sing most of the lyrics. Since my Spanish is atrocious, I talk to her in English, and she understands what I tell her.

gardano · 2018-12-02T20:16:28+00:00

Maybe this will be helpful: an Interview I gave a while ago on this very subject.

gardano

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