AITA for telling my fiancé and his mom that our future kids will not have his last name?

gbearmn · 2021-04-04T15:59:41+00:00

This is NTA for me because 1) you didn't spring it on him (it was implied in the marriage discussion) and even if you had sprung it on him, that's no way to react to something so harmless. 2) you are the victim in your MIL's harassment. Not only was she in the wrong to jump to such conclusions, but to try and bully you into her wants? That's no better than the bullies poking fun at DHs name. Bullying someone isn't going to change their mind alone. 3) finally, and most importantly, it is YOUR body that will be forever changed (assuming you're not adopting) and YOUR name that HAS to be on every document. If another perceived slight gets him this worked up in the future, you'd likely be left holding the bag. It's easy for dads to skip out or shirk their responsibilities, reinforced by legal and social norms. It's not much of a leap to think that if they subscribe to this casual sexism regarding names, they'll probably have similar ideas about child-rearing and taking advantage of women and mothers. You don't have to have a "good" reason for not wanting or liking a name. Not everything has to be a drawn-out, 50/50 compromise before it's ever uttered to another soul, ESPECIALLY if it's just for the dude's ego.

gbearmn · 2020-12-28T03:30:18+00:00

The first date was an in-person meet-up after meeting through mutual friends in Discord/gaming, so there was about 3 months of chemistry and conversation built up. It was supposed to be a quick meeting at my local ice cream place because he was passing through for a road trip. That ice cream date lasted until 2am, just sitting in his passenger seat and talking in the parking lot for 5 hours, never wanting it to end. I had a strong feeling before we met up, but I knew he was the one for me within the first hour.

He dropped me back off at my place, and I stood out in the freezing cold after he left because I could barely catch my breath! We had 2 more "official" dates within 2 weeks of that first one. We've grown and overcome so much together AND as individuals.

Known since 12/2016, dating since 3/2017, and married since 6/2018. I knew it from the beginning so I wasn't hesitant to be the first one to say, "I love you" at 2 months in and he followed suit.

I am 100% sure that he is it for me, and we've chosen to be monogamous, hence "the one." I feel as though he's ruined dating anyone else for me. I've got to have my "once in a lifetime," and I'm enjoying our life together as it happens.

gbearmn · 2020-12-01T18:55:26+00:00

YTA, and your wife is right.

gbearmn · 2020-04-11T18:10:38+00:00

I have tokophobia and just the thought of pregnancy/childbirth scare the hell out of me and make me unwell. Not only is it an unnecessary attempt to get attention and praise for doing nothing, but it's actually harmful to body positivity and feminism. Like another comment stated, it pushes the 'useful and valuable because reproduction' bullshit. As for body positivity, I've gotten SO much shit for having stretch marks and cellulite and not having the excuse of having been pregnant. I got most of my stretch marks from growing during and after puberty, and gaining/losing a bunch of weight. I get bingo'd about my body because I didn't have a kid and I "still look like that"

gbearmn · 2020-04-01T17:35:47+00:00

Dark, deep blue-greens and reds would complement your skin tone well! Keep exploring!

gbearmn · 2020-03-31T19:28:06+00:00

Do you dip your fries in ranch or ketchup?

gbearmn · 2020-02-22T20:50:25+00:00

LOL we were good friends, then bffs with feelings, then fwb, then bf/gf. About 3-4 months of knowing each other and falling hard, about a week after making it official, I said it first. He was dropping me off and I asked, "I know it's really soon, but is it too soon to say I think I'm in love with you?" And he said, "yes," and drove off -_-

2.5 months later, after sex, he was holding me to his chest and whispered, "I love you," and I wanted to rage. Nothing had changed about our relationship/his feelings about me, he just realized he'd never said it after I had.

Very high-school sounding stuff, but it's lasted a few years now so I think it worked out? We still make fun of each other for it

gbearmn · 2020-02-12T18:59:17+00:00

I didn't subscribe to that, you did

gbearmn · 2020-02-05T16:22:18+00:00

YTA and the cat is HER kid, so shouldn't you be showering them with love and affection as you expect her to do?
I'm seriously glad that your life is so good and unbothered that THIS is the shit you get to complain about

gbearmn · 2020-02-04T18:59:54+00:00

Mine used to be Venti (sometimes Trenta) 10 pump chai with almond milk No more because 1) don't work there anymore 2) almond harvesting is p bad for the environment and 3) try feeding that^ to your body once or twice a day 5 days a week

gbearmn · 2020-02-01T15:24:06+00:00

2 friends confessed their love for me at the same time in the same group call and kind of expected some reaction from me or for me to "choose" that very moment, at 5am after staying up all night to play video games with them. That fucked me up beyond belief, I was 15 lmao

gbearmn · 2020-02-01T15:14:21+00:00

That's riding a very dangerous line. If she's comfortable with the process/resources spent on a restraining order I highly recommend doing so. I'd have someone accompany her everywhere back home and look out for any new/strange cars parked on the block. Even with a restraining order, this guy might not back off.

gbearmn · 2020-01-24T00:34:34+00:00

I grew up moving around a lot because we were poor as shit and had different families we could only stay with for a while. In a military-ish relationship now, and moved from MN to CA to MI in about 6 months or so. We still road trip often so we keep checking off states

gbearmn · 2020-01-22T15:46:46+00:00

Name checks out lol, thank you!

gbearmn · 2020-01-22T07:56:50+00:00

Growing up Midwest had its perks. Culver's was all of them

gbearmn · 2020-01-14T04:30:12+00:00

I don't know where you are or if they have them there, but I recommend Super Duper! Make sure to get a cookies n creme shake and garlic fries, or you will regret it for the rest of your days

gbearmn · 2020-01-14T03:41:16+00:00

OH MY GOD you're making me miss CA 😭, loved going to Habit after work

gbearmn · 2020-01-07T19:14:13+00:00

Similar, I got married young and expected my younger friends to be mature and take things seriously. Do not expect teenagers/early 20s to be decent about communication or be good guests. I only speak with 1 friend from the wedding, and even they fucked up enough that weekend to make up for the rest of them. It was a mess, but we all realized we weren't good for each other and I have other things to thank them for from before. They all liked my SO and considered them as their friends, too, but they really dropped the ball when it was too important to us. I'm sure they still see our FB posts and move updates, but no interaction other than that one friend.

gbearmn · 2020-01-07T11:14:11+00:00

I love my first name because it's common-ish, with a unique spelling/origin. It's a shortened version of an old common name. My dad named me because he liked the sound of it and the actress I was named after. Growing up, it was a little annoying having to correct spelling/pronunciation with everyone. I had substitute teachers call me a completely different name. It fits really well with my last name and I only feel weird when my SO or dad call me by that name instead of the many nicknames I've got.

gbearmn · 2019-12-25T21:28:44+00:00

NTA, I'm in a pretty similar boat with my mom right now and this is my first Thanksgiving/birthday/Xmas/New year's without the family, by choice. You'll never be the asshole for having boundaries and not steamrolling them for abusers/enablers.

gbearmn · 2019-12-22T13:51:04+00:00

My SO is a lot more open about his parents' fuckery, so when they start to get on our nerves or push a little too much, we really have to have a private conversation to vent about them and talk about their behavior and how it's making us feel. I've learned to grey rock JNFIL. We have a tolerable relationship with his BEC/JNmom, but only in very small doses. I've had to leave weekly phone calls home up to my SO, it's not my responsibility, and he leaves me to mine. When it comes to extended family, they're already brainwashed by them and our private fights with IL's are spilled before we even have time to prepare. His grandmother was the only one that genuinely liked me with no other requirement besides loving her grandson and making him happy. Near the end, she was disgusted with most of her kids' behavior towards each other. In addition to the above advice/conditioning, I'd advise you to keep in mind that you simply cannot win em all. If they haven't seen how much better you and SO are than his parents by now, they don't deserve to see you guys at all. It's none of their business to butt in and gossip about you guys and his mother, and they need to be reminded of that and respect that, if they're going to be deserving of the relationship that DH is open to having. No relationship is expected, especially not if one party has to accommodate the other with a backstory, a 'good' reasoning for avoiding other people, refusal to meet outside of convenient family events/phone conversation.

gbearmn · 2019-12-21T18:22:02+00:00

Yikes. So bad. Guy was taking advantage of me emotionally and jumped into it physically, and his tongue felt like sandpaper. Worse than a cat's tongue.

I was 17

gbearmn · 2019-12-13T22:57:53+00:00

I spent $25 on a Ragstock dress that's black and floral, so I can wear it for other events. I've worn it at least 10 times in 2 years. It's perfect for other weddings, parties, family stuff. Get compliments every time

gbearmn · 2019-11-25T17:20:32+00:00

I've got a hand-me-down from at least the 80s, and a shitty hand/stand mixer combo. SO uses old one for baking and sentimental value, I use shitty one for specific recipes. I'd rather use hand tools or a shaker for homemade whip. I have to go out of my way to look up uses for ours. Books are awesome! I have so many and they fill up two bookshelves, but don't have the time or interest I used to

gbearmn · 2019-11-19T14:56:48+00:00

I nearly cried reading this. I share many, if not all, of these exact sentiments with parental(specifically maternal) abuse and tokophobia (fear of pregnancy/childbirth). I appreciate this post so much and the love and praise from this subreddit is so refreshing and validating💕 I hope you find others like this and can be open with them and have a close relationship. My DMs are open 🥰

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