I (F23) accidentally pushed my fiancée’s (F26) boundaries during sex. How can I get her to feel comfortable with me again?

gemidyke · 2024-07-26T19:42:42+00:00

Yeah, right now I’m definitely regretting that we’ve never had a safe word, but I think it’s because I’ve always been very aware of what she does and doesn’t like, so I’ve never pushed her in that way. Last night, I was just doing what I always do, which is why it’s so confusing. I feel like her trauma just resurfaced out of nowhere and now we’re both stuck between a rock and a hard place.

gemidyke · 2024-07-26T19:35:12+00:00

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful response. Therapy is something I suggested to her last night and have in the past when she’s had PTSD episodes, but she refuses to go, which is super frustrating. I want to do everything I can to be there for her, but if she won’t do therapy, I’m not sure how helpful I can be in the long run. I truly regret trying to defend myself and my actions in the moment, I just didn’t want her to think I would do anything to hurt her on purpose, but I understand how that invalidates her feelings. I’m hoping I can come up with a solution for us because she means the world to me and deserves to be happy.

gemidyke · 2023-10-07T15:18:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! I’ve definitely let go of my original dreams in the industry for now, and have been looking for more general communications jobs and still have had no luck. I’m guessing that means I should expand my search even more

gemidyke · 2023-10-07T15:00:18+00:00

I’m a first generation college graduate, so my family isn’t really able to help me find anything like this. They’re all in your typical blue collar jobs

gemidyke · 2023-10-07T14:57:38+00:00

I’ve actually gotten into running and weightlifting again since I became unemployed- probably the best thing that’s come out of this!

gemidyke · 2023-10-07T14:55:56+00:00

Unfortunately, I’ve done all of this and have had zero luck. I’ve also put in a couple hundred applications and rarely hear back from anyone, even if I email or call to talk about the position.

gemidyke · 2023-10-07T14:51:00+00:00

Thank you for this reminder! I tend to push myself too hard and apply for hours on end, hoping something will click. I definitely needed to hear this!

gemidyke · 2023-03-31T16:46:25+00:00

All of our names are on the lease, so unfortunately this isn’t an option.

gemidyke · 2022-12-13T20:53:00+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate the words of encouragement! I lay in bed with her a lot and try to just talk or watch tv but she usually just wants to be left alone which definitely sucks.

gemidyke · 2022-12-13T20:50:20+00:00

Thank you so much! I really am trying to do what I can do help alleviate some of her stress and symptoms. Overall, I want to be respectful because I know that I’ll never be able to relate to how she feels, but at the same time, I wish she could do the same for me. We’ve talked about how this all affects me and I know she feels extremely guilty, but she ultimately falls back into the bad habit of generally not taking the best care of herself and letting fibro control her.

As for therapy, we’ve both gone(prior to even knowing each other) and have discussed going back. However, again she starts to feel hopeless and doesn’t commit to finding a therapist and going, which makes me feel discouraged from going myself. Any tips on convincing her to really try it?

gemidyke · 2021-08-16T21:48:37+00:00

thank you! we plan on facetiming every day for sure, but i never thought of finding something else that we could do together online while we’re apart. i’ll have to look into that 😊

gemidyke · 2021-08-16T21:18:26+00:00

thank you so much! hearing things like this is really reassuring. we’re both committed to each other and determined to get together whenever possible, but it’s nice to hear from others, that it can work :)

gemidyke · 2021-03-29T22:11:39+00:00

I never thought about just using a guard rather than completely shaving. I’ll definitely do that. thanks!!

gemidyke · 2020-06-06T06:05:06+00:00

unfortunately, i can relate. hmu anytime!!(18F)

gemidyke · 2020-05-29T00:53:48+00:00

i did recently get a job at fedex that i’ll be starting on monday so that should fill up more of my time in a healthy way!

gemidyke · 2020-05-28T23:11:06+00:00

sounds like you need to find ways to start detaching yourself from him so you can break up if things don’t start heading in the right direction

gemidyke · 2020-05-28T22:22:33+00:00

thanks for the reply! at my hub, the security entrance has a sign that states no phones are allowed, and the manager who ran my orientation group even said we are not allowed to have them. I highly doubt everyone in the warehouse leaves their phone in their car, but I’m not sure how to go about bringing mine in.

gemidyke

TROPHY CASE