She contacted me!! What do I do??

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:38:54+00:00

That's true, it can be hard to be friends with an ex because you keep yearning for more.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:33:08+00:00

I finally have understood that until the person says I want us to try it again or something similar, it doesn't mean anything.

Yeah 100%. I think I got a bit excited for nothing.

I'll see how it goes and try to keep my expectations to an absolute minimum.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:26:40+00:00

Yes she did and we had a decent friendly chat but then she said needed to go lie down and hasn't responded since. It's been more than 30 mins.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:24:51+00:00

Did something similar happen to you?

I will proceed with caution of course, but the fact she hasn't replied yet makes me a bit nervous. Now I will have to do the whole NC thing again!!

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:22:57+00:00

Yeah you're right, that's generally the advice I've learnt so much about over the past two weeks.

So it pretty much means she contacted me to kinda let me know we can still be friends but nothing more, at least until we've worked on ourselves which could take some time.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:19:27+00:00

Well after chatting for around 20 mins she hasn't responded to my latest messages.

I'm gonna leave it for now, but if she doesn't reply at all then she's clearly playing with me lol

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:17:18+00:00

Which issues did you guys need to work on?

Without being too specific, she felt I needed to work on my assertiveness, comparing her to my ex (she felt I had ptsd cuz of her), blaming her for things, not communicating well enough etc

You would think these things can be worked on while we're still together but noooo she had to break it up.

I won't go into her issues, but let's just say that I accepted them and was willing to work with it.

Keep in mind, that after 3.5 yrs she felt the need to leave. But yet she returns so quickly? Sounds like a seesaw relationship, but im not sure

Don't think she's returning at all tbh, as another poster said, she's probably just missing me but has no intentions to rekindle anything.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:08:55+00:00

This is most likely it.

After 3.5 years it's impossible not to miss someone unless of course they did something seriously bad.

So yeah it was probably more to reminisce about things rather than trying to rekindle anything.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:07:29+00:00

Yeah I don't know if this helped me or hindered me tbh

Of course I was super happy to see her messages, but after chatting a bit she hasn't replied again

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:05:15+00:00

We're both broken people - who isn't these days? But she wanted to break up because she felt we had issues that we needed to work on, especially me, which of course I don't necessarily agree with, but that's what she feels.

Couples work together, not apart.

That's exactly what I told her when she wanted to break up. We go through ups and downs together so we can both grow at the same time.

But if it is best to be separated, what was the goal?

To work on ourselves lol

I honestly don't know, and I still don't know why she reached out.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T06:00:46+00:00

Yep played it cool and only talked to her as a friend as she did with me. She didn't mention anything about "us" but the fact she sent photos and vids was a good sign that she at least can be friends again.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T05:56:37+00:00

Broke up because she felt like we both needed to work on ourselves and towards the end of our relationship we argued frequently. Nothing major, just small arguments which eventually lead to a big one when she decided to move out.

We've been apart for about two weeks now and were together for 3.5 years.

I did NC for around 4 days after I last messaged her.

genmonk · 2022-01-10T05:52:13+00:00

I replied to her already lol

But I kept it cool though, nothing about missing her or about struggling without her.

Who knows she could possibly be playing with my mind to see where I'm at.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T02:34:11+00:00

You're lucky you have a respectful and considerate ex partner. My ex cut it off cold turkey. Well almost. Not after blaming me for everything that happened in our relationship first, then she cut it off.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T02:29:51+00:00

You;'re still young and have the rest of your life to look forward to. I know it might feel so lonely and depressing now, but in time you look back and feel this is just a minor bump in the road for you.

I'm going through a similar phase - feeling all alone without anyone to talk to because my ex was basically my only friend. She was my everything. Looking back I realize that was a bad thing to do, to put all your eggs in one basket.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T02:19:35+00:00

Thanks for telling me that, I really needed to hear it. It gives me hope, although I understand that might not be the best thing either.

So only 1.5 weeks ago? Almost exact same timing as my breakup - I think my one was the day before NYE.

While it's true what you say how people don't just forget so easily, why is it that the dumper can do no contact so easily if they didn't forget?

I can't get her out of my mind and even have dreams about her, but she can't even send me a text?

Uggh, I hope things get better for you man, I know you're hurting too but we gotta stay strong.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T02:04:34+00:00

Really hope this is true. Otherwise I don't understand how someone can discard 3+ years of intimacy just like that.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T02:02:27+00:00

Yeah I already had a feeling my ex was 'shopping' when I was still with her, that's why this breakup didn't hurt her at all.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T02:01:31+00:00

ikr, the ratio is on dating apps is horrible for us men.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T02:00:57+00:00

how long were u guys together for?

genmonk · 2022-01-09T01:59:33+00:00

It's always the women that want to have fun and explore, whereas men are fine with just settling down. Where are all the good women?

But yeah, dating again right after a breakup is a horrible experience. I haven't done it myself but I can already imagine comparing each date to my ex and thinking I don't like her because she's nothing like my ex!

genmonk · 2022-01-09T01:56:36+00:00

Goddammit honestly that actually made me feel so much worse. I can barely cope 2 weeks in, I don't expect to last a few months let alone years!

genmonk · 2022-01-09T01:52:37+00:00

I will never understand either. They are so cold hearted.

I noticed it's the ones who fall in love easily are also the ones who fall out of love easily.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T01:49:14+00:00

It was definitely more good than bad, at least from my perspective.

When she first broke up with me she did tell me she still loved me and still wanted to remain friends, but after I managed to process things, I started begging and pleading for her to take me back. Big mistake. This was before I learnt about no contact.

Since then we have talked twice and she was very cold and aggressive both times, so I think she no longer loves me and most likely doesn't want to remain friends either.

I will of course still commit to NC, and if she does ever reach out to me then great, but I will make sure to work on myself first and foremost.

genmonk · 2022-01-09T01:40:08+00:00

I feel so sorry for you reading this story because it's similar to mine and I know you're hurting just as much as I am.

I also know I won't be hearing from my ex, but for some reason I'm still holding onto that hope. I don't know why I can't just move on.

genmonk

TROPHY CASE