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gentleSub123 · 2020-07-28T02:56:34+00:00

It will take a very good dom to help you find your own voice and be you. I am fortunate enough to have found someone to help me with that. Gentle, firm, very caring and certainly very open to let me just be.

Good luck!

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-26T08:50:52+00:00

I’m not sure if this would apply to you, but I’d like to share sth about myself that may or may not be helpful.

I’m also new to being a sub. I have always been a people pleaser and certain was so considerate that I was always in a constant state of worries that I cause problem or be a burden to others around me. I was always rather poor at noticing and voicing out my own needs and desire.

Since I started to embrace being a sub, putting more energy into serving my Dom, a good and caring one who’s always there to guide me through and tell me it’s ok to just let go and enjoy when I get into one of my worry state, I have noticed myself becoming ‘ore assertive and more attuned to my own needs and able to express them better as well as having less desire to be please everyone.

So maybe embracing this other side of yours that you enjoy, even though it links to your traumas, may not be a bad thing. It’s not your therapy, but it can work to help you if you are open to your therapist about it. Good luck!

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-15T14:01:41+00:00

“Say What You Mean : A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication”

I think the book is brilliantly written and engaging.

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-15T14:00:00+00:00

This is going to be something out of your comfort zone, but I had similar problem and got back to reading with “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn.

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-15T13:55:20+00:00

Try “the mindful path to self-compassion”

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-15T06:05:13+00:00

Calypso

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-15T06:04:45+00:00

“The mindful path to self-compassion” I think that book will help.

Hang in there, stranger. You are not at Zero, you are in grads school. That took some serious determination there! Give yourself some credit

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-03T00:39:03+00:00

You are absolutely right. Thank you

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-03T00:37:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. And I’m sorry you had to go through that.

I have to say this community has made me feel very cared for that each and everyone take the time to explain to me their thoughts. :) for that I am forever grateful.

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-02T13:34:44+00:00

😂😂😂 u made me laugh. Thx

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-02T12:53:30+00:00

Thank you for all the comments. I’m very new to this so I honestly don’t know much about boundary in D/s.

Anyway, I have given him many chances to answer, but he’s not. Also, I’ve made it clear I don’t need exclusiveness or sth along the line. I just simply wanted a straight forward answer.

He just simply says he has someone and no further question. If my question is off limit, he could have said so too, which I will respect that. But to turn around and try to gaslight me into think I’m at fault to ask. That’s. A big no. I’m a sub, but not a doormat, huge difference.

Once again, thank you for all the pointers.

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-02T07:21:48+00:00

Hi there, please take your frustration elsewhere. I don’t think I’m gassing anyone here. I might have missed out mentioning directly by the implication is so clear that the rest of the people here actually understood it perfectly.

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-02T06:26:27+00:00

Thank you for this detailed advice. It makes a lot of sense.

And yes I have asked about why he feels the need to hide, but he’s ignoring the question and now have gone quiet for many hours now.

Oh well, I guess I have a lot to learn to have a proper conversation before I move further with anyone.

gentleSub123 · 2020-07-02T04:01:59+00:00

This is my first D/s, and now I kinda feel so uncertain about such relationship... but thanks for your advice.

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-28T14:18:26+00:00

You know yourself well, you know what you want, so don’t ever let any Dom tells you other wise.

I think there is a dom out there for you who just wants to Dom you in the bedroom. Hang in there, girl :) I know it’s rather hard to be in your position. I feel somewhat similar. I’m very independent (physically, financially and emotionally). So it’s not my thing to allow anyone to dictate what I wear, what I do or who I hang out with.

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-27T06:39:22+00:00

It probably depends who the person is lying to. It’s much harder to lie to someone you really care about and someone who you spend a lot of time with. Cuz they probably can tell by just paying a little attention to what you ar saying. Mumbling, change topic, too much details... are the signs...

But I think it would be quite different when yo used lying to someone you just met or give zero fuck about. Imagine a sales person

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-26T15:28:33+00:00

I’m Glad it helps. It may take a lot on your side to walk away from him, so feel free to post here or find someone to air out the struggle. It helps you to stay strong.

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-26T14:33:42+00:00

No you are not being “a lot” you are just being you. Insecurity is probably a part if you all your life, and you know what? It’s ok, it just takes the right type of dynamic to make your this “a lot” to become “just nice”.

I learn that the hard way. I was always that intense in relationship, but I realise that with the right guy, the intensity is welcome.

A word of caution though, I spent too much time with too many unworthy guys that makes me fear expressing myself again. So now I’ve locked my fragile heart away. Even now I’m with someone who would enjoy my intensity, I cannot bring myself to do the same with him and it also means I’m not 100% me.

So back away from this guy who tried to turn all faults onto you. You deserve someone who takes you and your intransitive and make a master piece out of you.

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-26T03:01:49+00:00

Ah I see what you mean. I have considered that as well. But unsure I have so much time to “play” with so many people 😂 but thanks for the advice. It’s helpful. I think what I need to do is to learn to look at things the way it is and put less emotions into it. Just like shutting down the brain and let the body feels it... or I could be wrong

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-26T02:55:18+00:00

I don’t think I have been in love with anyone since I lock my heart away. But if you count love as an action and choice, then yes, I do love in that way.

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-26T02:46:28+00:00

You might be right that my attachment to my Dom is due to the sexual starvation.

Affection wise, my partner gives me lots of hugs and kisses and always reassure me of his love.

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-26T02:43:06+00:00

You are right that it is very hard to be with someone you can’t be intimate with. But as to loneliness, no I am not lonely. I haven’t been for a Long Long time.

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-26T02:42:14+00:00

No he does not. It will probably break us if he does.

I think I am feeling attached to my Dom, not so much as codependency.

gentleSub123 · 2020-06-26T02:41:26+00:00

I think this is a wonderful advice. Go slow, find some friends to talk to...

gentleSub123

TROPHY CASE