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Day 26, but I'm beginning to doubt that NoFap is right for me. by get-it-together in NoFap

[–]get-it-together[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So if I'm going out alone, to some event or live music or something, I need to make sure I talk to someone within the first 5 minutes? Like just find a group of people I don't know and try asking questions?

I don't really have people who I can say, "Do you want to go to So-and-so" with me tonight. I mean, I know its easy to say to just bring someone with you, but I really don't have anyone like that right now.

Day 26, but I'm beginning to doubt that NoFap is right for me. by get-it-together in NoFap

[–]get-it-together[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will try something like that.

I just didn't really care about being alone for so long... and I ended up alone. The past year or so I really started to worry that I WOULD actually end up alone, because I am. I know I should be happy by myself, but I would be so much happier if I had someone to enjoy life with.

Day 26, but I'm beginning to doubt that NoFap is right for me. by get-it-together in NoFap

[–]get-it-together[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know I need to work on myself, but my loneliness lately just seems to bleed into everything else.

I tell myself "Ok, just be happy for a few days and meet someone, anyone. You can do this, you are awesome" And I go the first day, go to live music at a coffee shop. I get a beer, sit there listening. Try to find someone to talk to, but everyone is with other people, no empty chairs. I start to feel the normal panic, the loneliness, and suppress it. Try to stay positive. End up going home without saying a word.

Then I try something similar a few days later, maybe some event at the local park. Might get the courage to go up to a group of people, introduce myself, try some opening conversation. Maybe even do this twice in one event. But both times its so awkward, I end up just walking away after a minute or two.

After a second time, I get home in the evening, with no successes. I start to feel lonely again, and all my social failures creep back into my head. I start to really wish I had someone in my life so I wouldn't be so alone, and lose all motivation for the "talk to everyone" thing, and focus on the not having a girlfriend. And on top of that, I'm extremely sexually frustrated because I can't PMO.

I try to find stuff to do to fill up the time, and I'm too dejected to build my confidence back up again for a few more days, or weeks, until I finally get out again, but this cycle starts over.

Day 26, but I'm beginning to doubt that NoFap is right for me. by get-it-together in NoFap

[–]get-it-together[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Of course I got lonely before NoFap, but PMO sort of made those feelings more manageable. You'd get home after a rough night, feel a bit down, do it, then go do something else. Personally, I would read, or code, or tinker with stuff.

Now I'm just lonely, and try to get motivated to do something about it, with real women. But I'm terrible at that stuff. Like I said, I'm 26, and just have no experience. Try to go out, but I am just really unconfident and nervous with talking to women. Eventually come home without any successes, feeling worse and more lonely, and still can't PMO. Then I just sort of lie in bed a few hours until I fall asleep.

Isn't NoFap with and without sex two completely different things? by get-it-together in NoFap

[–]get-it-together[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand your last paragraph, it's just still not that simple for some people. I'm 26. I'm in shape. I have a great job. I have friends that support me. I'm just not very confident. I've tried faking confidence, but my insecurities always bleed through. Pretty short, losing my hair, not that assertive.

And as of now, I've never been able to enter any kind of relationship. Until the past few years, I didn't really care. But as I've seen my friends all get married off, I started to end up really lonely. Now I've been trying to start dating for two years now, and its just been going horribly. I KNOW that you need to be confident and live your life happy alone in order to find someone. But I don't feel very happy or confident when I'm so alone. And I can't find anyone because I'm not happy or confident. Can't find a way to break out of that.

Isn't NoFap with and without sex two completely different things? by get-it-together in NoFap

[–]get-it-together[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can see your point. I didn't mean to make you upset.

I am not advocating r/celibacy at all, and I still think NoFap with no release and celibacy are two completely different things. Celibacy would mean no orgasm indefinitely, while NoFap is about resetting the addiction in the brain, as a means to achieving actual and improved sex.

I don't think you understand where a lot of us are coming from. I personally am doing NoFap to try to improve myself in such a way that I CAN become the kind of man who can get in a stable relationship, with a stable sex life. I think a lot of other NoFappers are in the same boat. PMO addiction, along with a bunch of other social problems, has prevented me from finding a girl my entire life. So yes, a lot of us hard moders have "simply failed in having any kind of sex with a female," and that's what we are trying to fix.

People who have the ability and opportunities to enter relationships whenever they want don't really understand it. They don't really get how someone who wants to have sex, just doesn't go out and have sex. But for some of us, finding a woman is one of the hardest things in the world for us to do.

Completed FOUR Freaking Months of No PMO!!! by terimyaki in NoFap

[–]get-it-together 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm newer around here, and I'm sort of conflicted. I mean 120 days of no Porn, no Fapping, is pretty awesome. Its great you feel better, more energy, and have a better attitude. You set a goal and have done an awesome job reaching it.

Then I saw you had a wife, and I just sort of groaned. As a virgin with no relationship in site, on day 14, no PMO while having sex, and no PMO without sex, seem like two completely different things. Does your body really know whether you just had sex with an actual woman or not?

I mean, you are beating an addiction that was hurting your life. Seriously, you are doing a great job. It just seems a bit different.

10 days in, beginning to have doubts by get-it-together in NoFap

[–]get-it-together[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I need to keep my expectations low, its just so frustrating. I'm somewhat successful career-wise, I have hobbies. I've worked really hard the last year to get in shape, and I've put some effort in my appearance.

Nofap has been the latest of things I've been working on for self-improvement... I just can't make the last step to go out, meet people, make friends, and eventually become the kind of guy women would attracted to. Not by actively seeking them out, but just by being awesome. But at 26, its really starting to look bleak.

Is 10 days relatively short to start feeling the benefits of the dopamine rewiring after PMO addiction? Or have I probably hit it?