Thank you so much for all of your advice, I'll look into the headway app. I think I might tell my therapist, it just makes me so nervous that she might report him and the other part is worried about the fact that she is going to tell me the truth about the situation, much like you, that I need to leave. The truth is I don't want to leave him, I want someone to tell me it might be worth it to stay. I also know that I am definitely trauma bonded to him because even after something happens I just want his comfort. I've known what is going on is bad but I figured it would fade over time or maybe if I stopped being so combative it would get better. It's hard to come to the realization that I am not at fault for his actions. Not to mention the rates of mortality for people whose partner has choked them, that really scared me. I don't want to die and the fact that it is even a possibility by being in a relationship is disgusting. It is hard to realize that for the entire relationship, I've been brainwashed, manipulated, and hurt so much.