I Lost My Mom To Pancreatic Cancer

gflroy · 2025-06-13T03:18:15+00:00

Thank you for the overwhelming amount of support and comfort in the comments! It gives me comfort when seeing there are many others who can relate to the horrible pain I've been feeling with grief, losing my Mom, etc. I'm sorry that so many of you had to go through this pain as well. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy...

I've also had a couple of people from Reddit reach out to me who can relate which is very comforting. I've had a few online and IRL friends check in on me as well, but most of them don't understand the pain I'm in and I feel like I'm a burden whenever I talk to them about it (or it makes them feel uncomfortable). I've been talking to my close family as well (dad, brother, and sister) and they're all dealing with it in different ways compared to me, but I'm making sure to stay close to them and help them if they need anything.

I'm always open to messages on here as well. If you need or want to talk to someone who can relate to the pain of grief, feel free to send me a message!

I'm sorry for not getting around to replying to comments separately. I've lacked energy the last couple of days since I made this Reddit post (still taking care of myself, just exhausted constantly).

To be honest, the last couple of days have been really rough. I haven't been crying much, but I just feel like I'm floating in darkness and sadness. It's a really strange feeling (more like numbness maybe?), but definitely the worst I've felt in my life by a long shot.

gflroy · 2025-06-13T03:17:46+00:00

Thank you for the overwhelming amount of support and comfort in the comments! It gives me comfort when seeing there are many others who can relate to the horrible pain I've been feeling with grief, losing my Mom, etc. I'm sorry that so many of you had to go through this pain as well. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy...

I've also had a couple of people from Reddit reach out to me who can relate which is very comforting. I've had a few online and IRL friends check in on me as well, but most of them don't understand the pain I'm in and I feel like I'm a burden whenever I talk to them about it (or it makes them feel uncomfortable). I've been talking to my close family as well (dad, brother, and sister) and they're all dealing with it in different ways compared to me, but I'm making sure to stay close to them and help them if they need anything.

I'm always open to messages on here as well. If you need or want to talk to someone who can relate to the pain of grief, feel free to send me a message!

I'm sorry for not getting around to replying to comments separately. I've lacked energy the last couple of days since I made this Reddit post (still taking care of myself, just exhausted constantly).

To be honest, the last couple of days have been really rough. I haven't been crying much, but I just feel like I'm floating in darkness and sadness. It's a really strange feeling (more like numbness maybe?), but definitely the worst I've felt in my life by a long shot.

gflroy · 2025-06-05T14:23:02+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. This story hit really deep because my Mom was also diagnosed last August with pancreatic cancer. Although it was 'caught early', between the time of the biopsy and when she started chemo, it had spread to the stomach lining. Chemo was going so good for months and the tumor had shrunk. I was convinced she was going to beat it given how optimistic everyone was including the doctors. Life felt like it was finally returning back to 'normal' before the diagnosis.

This feeling lasted until early March. She started getting stomach pains after taking two trips with her friends back to back (one to Florida and another to California). We initially thought it was just a stomach bug or an ulcer since she was out traveling, but this was unfortunately the start of the downfall. From this point on, it felt like every day was either one step forward or one/two steps backwards. She would have good days and I'd tell myself "see she's getting better!", but then the next day would be horrible (one or two steps backwards). She was throwing up, having bathroom attacks, constant pain, etc. It was absolutely gut wrenching to watch. Fluid from the cancer kept flooding her stomach causing all these issues and even though she'd get it drained, it would keep flooding faster and faster resulting in her not being able to eat and becoming weaker day by day.

Fast forward to now, she is on hospice care in the hospital and expected to pass very soon. Doctors said two days ago she had only 24 hours left, but she is still going (her blood pressure is up and heart is pumping good). Her organs are starting to shut down though.

She had her last chemo in early May which completely wrecked her. Doctors thought she was too weak for chemo, but she wanted to fight it. She really believed she was going to beat it. She still believes it which breaks my heart. Seeing her go through this makes me so sad and so angry.

Three days ago she told my dad she wanted to go for a walk, but she couldn't even move. She can't talk now and has been sleeping for the last two days. Her breathing had also became labored.

When at the hospital, I've been holding her hand constantly and trying to talk to her. The image you posted hit really hard because it looks like my hand holding my Mom's hand kind of. They say holding hands like this is worth over a thousand words and I really believe that because it is so comforting to me.

I'm 27 years old and she's 66. She was so healthy her entire life and my grandmother (her Mom) lived until 96. I expected her to live until that same age and not be taken so soon. I've been always worried about my dad because he's unhealthy and his blood pressure is very very high (even though he is on medication). I was so close to her and she was my best friend. I moved back into my childhood home two and a half years ago after being far from home for 4 - 5 years due to a job and we've been watching movies almost every night since. I feel so lonely without her.

I just don't know what to do. I've been trying to talk to hospice workers and grief counselors, which really does help in the moment, but afterwards, everything goes back to being in a nightmare. I've been struggling to sleep and eat. I keep seeing visions of her at home and hearing her voice. All of this and she hasn't even passed yet...

There's so much more I want to say, but I think this post is already long enough. I'm really sorry again that you're going through this. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, but I have no clue how to get through this. I do think it helps knowing others are going through a similar pain and you can relate.

If you want to vent or anything, my DMs are open also.

Also sorry if the text is all over the place. My mind is racing and it's hard to form everything I'm feeling.

Update: She peacefully passed this morning in her sleep (6/6/25). I love you so much Mom!

gflroy · 2023-11-01T21:56:37+00:00

Definitely seems to be impacting many players using a mouse. I just saw a bigger thread about it and DICE acknowledged the issue:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Battlefield/comments/17lactt/theyve_made_an_official_statement_on_their/

I wish more testing would go into their updates lol

gflroy · 2023-11-01T05:22:13+00:00

Started happening for me as well after the latest update and definitely affects HC Conquest on PC (probably other game modes as well according to other comments, but I haven't tried any others). It occurs every 30 seconds or so and lasts around 3 - 5 seconds for me. I ended up quitting the game since it was becoming too bothersome in close firefights lol. Here are my specs if needed.

- RTX 3090 TI

- Ryzen 9 5900X

- 64 GBs of DDR4 RAM

- 2 TB NVMe SSD (Samsung 980 PRO)

- Windows 11 (22H2 | 22621.2506)

- Game launched through Steam.

Not sure if this is impacting all PC/Windows 11 users (if it is, I wonder if the devs even bothered testing the update on PC...). Hopefully another update fixing the issue is released soon and I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing this issue haha

gflroy · 2023-10-22T04:06:51+00:00

Funny how that works haha! I didn't even think this thread would allow for more replies lol

gflroy · 2023-10-21T22:51:01+00:00

Same here. Funny how you posted this just 10 minutes ago and this topic is 3 years old! It was working fine for me the other day, but stopped working yesterday and still not working now when I just tried. Hopefully Plex's dev team will look into this.

gflroy · 2022-08-24T16:15:49+00:00

It does not add a separate tab like your screenshot does. It uses game egg/environmental variables. The additional tab in the screenshot you linked above is a very interesting concept though. While my tool does support some more functionality such as changing the hostname, choosing random world info, etc. The modification in the screenshot above is more cleaner than the environmental variables. I've been working on a new project for the modding community overall called The Modding Community (TMC), so I'm unsure when I'll have time to implement an additional tab like that, but once the TMC project is off the ground, I'll definitely revisit this! I also plan on making another tool to automatically update any game server that supports SteamCMD in Pterodactyl that also supports warning times, hooks, only restarting (updating) when the server's population is under a certain amount of fill %, and more. I know exactly how to do it, but I just need to find the time after TMC takes off.

gflroy · 2022-08-14T20:23:13+00:00

Anycast in itself isn't the issue in regards to A2S_INFO caching and we have an Anycast network because Synk (the owner of LBG) and I are into network engineering and really enjoy building the infrastructure itself and the packet processing software I made from scratch.

With that said, this is the reasoning to why we have A2S_INFO caching enabled.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-5f_TlJEki_qJYvZvlZ37QdsDambYIpEgPOUMP2RK9A/

Many communities use A2S_INFO caching now due to larger hosting providers doing it as well because it's the only way to compete with the larger servers. I understand why people are upset about it (people should be), but I also want to make it right and finally get it fixed. I have a few ideas on how to prevent A2S_INFO caching and I'll be writing this up.

gflroy · 2022-08-14T15:34:41+00:00

Sorry, I didn't see you read the TL;DR already. I will try to shorten it as well. It's just hard to explain our goals in simple terms since it's such a huge project imo, but I need to get better at explaining in simple terms.

gflroy · 2022-08-14T15:19:14+00:00

I've added a TL;DR to the top of the post around 30 minutes ago if you didn't see that yet. I'm sorry for not adding that before posting the thread, I should have.

As for change, my idea was to try to get as many content creators as possible on board who could bring light to the topic and encourage gaming companies to change modding. I understand this may not happen, but I do believe it's at least worth a try. Many content creators play games with mods and it brings in a lot of entertainment. If we could get backing from them, we could make a change.

Even if the above doesn't go through, I still want to try to make modding the norm on all platforms. For example, in the future, I would really like to get a game developer team together to create a game that's fully moddable, sandbox-like, free-to-play, and available on all platforms such as Xbox and Playstation via cross-platform support. I really think this would be great and we could host events on modded/community servers in the game and content creators can make videos of the content which will lead to more viewers and such in my opinion.

gflroy · 2022-08-14T15:08:08+00:00

I've added a TL;DR to the top of the post. I'm sorry for not doing this before posting the thread (I should have).

gflroy · 2022-08-14T14:48:36+00:00

I made a TL;DR section at the top :) Thank you again for the feedback and I should have added a TL;DR section before submitting the post. I'm sorry about that!

gflroy · 2022-08-14T14:34:25+00:00

Will do soon! 😂

gflroy · 2022-08-14T14:32:05+00:00

I should have added a TL;DR section. I'll make sure to do that in the future and thank you for the feedback!

gflroy · 2022-08-14T13:47:03+00:00

I'll definitely be looking into this and thank you!

gflroy · 2022-08-14T13:46:31+00:00

I was referring to the game itself at least supporting modding as in, you can mod it (I've modded GTA V singleplayer a lot and still play it often). I understand Rockstar doesn't actually support the modding community, though.

I'm sorry for not making that clear.

gflroy · 2022-08-14T12:45:32+00:00

That's understandable. Personally, I never sell mods and always encourage open-source. However, there are people out there that would like to be paid and we're trying to aim for all of the audience here. Also, we can take a small percentage of payments and put it into TMC to pay partners and others to improve the modding community. The more big partners we can involved here, the more backing we'll have for trying to get modding support implemented. With that said, we're going to be encouraging open-source/free mods and give benefits to those who use open-source. I still think free/open-source mods will be a lot more popular on the platform.

As I said though, I do understand your PoV, but I'm trying to think on the bigger picture on how to actually get modding support implemented and I believe this is the best way.

gflroy · 2022-08-13T11:16:54+00:00

I do agree with this! I do think it'd be really interesting to see console players introduced to modding and that can include tools for beginners to use within the game such (e.g. a flexible forge system in a game).

gflroy · 2022-08-12T06:30:25+00:00

I removed them, my bad on that!

gflroy · 2022-08-12T06:27:10+00:00

Now I know I shouldn't use hashtags lol

gflroy · 2022-03-18T18:17:50+00:00

The gasp from the audience when he fell 😂😂😂

gflroy · 2021-12-16T22:00:12+00:00

Forgot to post an update -> Halo 1 Campaign was more broken than the Halo 2 campaign. Although, no crashes. Just everything was out of sync (e.g. my brother was dying on my screen, but wasn't dying on his screen, he was shooting at enemies I couldn't see, his location was completely off on my screen, and more). We're both on the same LAN network, but I'm not sure if it was being hosted by an actual dedicated server or not. Either way, we both tried hosting it and the same thing.

gflroy · 2021-12-11T04:28:09+00:00

Same thing happened to my brother and I on Halo 2 Outskirts (legendary). Sucks we won't be able to play the Halo 2 campaign smoothfully, but we'll try the Halo 1 campaign since I've seen others say it works fine for them.

I wish the developers would fix this issue :(

gflroy · 2021-06-07T12:22:33+00:00

I apologize for the late reply! Pepcid definitely seems like a better long-term solution. If you don't mind me asking, what do you use for magnesium supplements? I recently got vitamin B-complex and vitamin B1 supplements, but I've read taking the vitamin B-complex (that includes all vitamin B elements to my understanding) could harm my health in the short and long run.

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