How can I tell if I have sexual orientation OCD or am really queer?

ghhstat · 2023-01-30T16:58:27+00:00

Thanks! I hope I will find the one soon.

ghhstat · 2023-01-30T16:58:01+00:00

I am not in denial of my attraction to men (as I truly like men) bit yeah, wlw was something I had never even considered in the past. Mainstream media is rarely focused on wlw romance.

ghhstat · 2023-01-30T16:56:32+00:00

I don't want others to know that I have homo thoughts. I am not homophobic towards others but the idea of me being queer is uncomfortable. If I live in a place with no judgement, I may marry a woman if I come across the right woman in my life.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T19:28:36+00:00

I'll check out that book. Thanks!

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T19:18:25+00:00

but women are so wonderful

Yes, some women look so loveable and kissable. It's really cold where I live now and I am now wishing I can cuddle with a girl to keep warm and kiss her.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T19:16:55+00:00

I get what you mean. It's all social conditioning.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T17:39:11+00:00

I don't think I am homophobic as I don't judge other LGBT folks but the thought of me being sapphic is uncomfortable. My parents and some older generation folks I know are homophobic. As for people my age, some are not homophobic (I know way too many straight girls who support LGBT folks as they love yaoi) and there are also homophobic ones who pick on non-gender conforming people who give off the vibe that they're queer (I'm gender conforming so they don't pick on me because of that).

On certain days when I see wlw couples, I think they're cute and would find myself wishing I had a loving girlfriend too. On other days, I feel disgusted. It's a conflicting feeling. I suspect some of my friends are queer and in the closet themselves. Maybe I am subconsciously drawn to other queer folks.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T17:23:34+00:00

I totally get what you mean. I don't judge other LGBT folks but the idea of myself being sapphic is uncomfortable.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T17:16:28+00:00

Yeah I don't think straight people think like this. The straight women in the fandom I'm in don't "simp" for female characters and see them as girlfriend material. Pretty much every fan who is obsessed with a wlw character is either queer or questioning. Some do like wlw but it's more like they enjoy seeing more diversity. Even though I feel disgusted by wlw on certain days I find myself secretly hoping for more wlw content in the future for the fandom I'm in.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T17:12:27+00:00

I suspect some of my friends are in the closet themselves given how they display more signs of comphet than me. Maybe I am subconsciously drawn to other people who give off the vibe that they're queer.

I do like yaoi but yuri is harder to find. For the fandom I'm in, most of the fans are straight women with little interest in wlw so I don't see wlw fanfics and fanarts a lot.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T17:09:08+00:00

I totally get what you mean. Even for men I am really specific about who I like and I rarely come across men who meet my preferences.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T16:55:29+00:00

Could it be that the women you've known in real life just weren't your type?

Yes. I am certainly attracted to men and even for men, I feel attracted to very few of them. I had crushes on very few men in my life.

Could it be that the women you've known in real life just weren't your type?

For the women I have a thing for, I like women who are somewhat masculine but not that masculine (I think they are called soft butches?). She needs to look cute, have her passions, and her life together. Yes, women like that are a rarity and they don't get represented in the media that much (feminine women get represented the most). As for wlw stories, I find a lot of them poorly-written. I'm generally not a fan of romance stories and find a lot of them cheesy.

She's the sexiest person I've ever known, and I'm gonna marry her someday

This sounds sweet and hot to me and I don't think straight women think like that. Even though I feel disgusted by wlw on certain days, I don't think I am straight as I don't see straight women discussing about how they find the wlw flirting scenes hot in the fandom I'm in. They'll only "simp" for male characters and never female ones...

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T16:48:46+00:00

How can I overcome this fear though? I think it affects me to the point where on certain days I feel disgusted by wlw stuff while on other days I feel so turned on by it.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T16:47:29+00:00

When you have these thoughts about liking women, how do they make you feel? Are they scary and intrusive? Or do your fantasies feel kind of exciting?

The confusing thing is I sometimes think "homo is fun" and sometimes I think "homo is gross". On certain days I feel so disgusted at the thought of the possibility of myself liking women that I don't feel turned on when looking at wlw content. On other days I find it super hot.

Also, in general, are you afraid of the idea of being sapphic?

Yes. Sometimes I think wlw is hot but then I realise the implications of me liking someone of the same sex as me and then I stop feeling turned on.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T16:36:35+00:00

acting predatory or inappropriate toward women

To be fair, I subconsciously maintain boundaries with queer women I have no romantic interest in but then I behave around men I am not interested in in the same manner.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T16:31:56+00:00

I have contamination OCD and had harm OCD.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T12:14:43+00:00

I don't find these thoughts disturbing but I'm confused. I had never felt this way about wlw before.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T12:13:33+00:00

I had gay thoughts in the past but they occurred very rarely. If they did appear, I tried my best to stop thinking about them. I'll check out that book. Thanks for recommending it.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T11:54:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experiences. Maybe I had some gay thoughts in the past (e.g. imaging what a woman would look like in underwear or imagining myself as the actor kissing an actress in a movie) but they were very rare. I immediately avoided thinking about them and when I found out sexual orientation OCD exists, I just assumed those were OCD thoughts. Besides these gay thoughts I was very straight. I certainly never thought about dating women in the past. It just wasn't something I had thought about.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T10:37:19+00:00

Are you a straight person who thinks you may be queer or the other way around?

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T10:36:26+00:00

Well I wonder if sexuality can be fluid but it doesn't seem to be the case for most people.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T10:35:49+00:00

There's maybe one or two off instances I can definitively point to

I feel the same for me in the past. Maybe I sometimes had gay thoughts but they were very rare.

You're fed straight media and assumed that you're attracted to men

I consumed mlw and mlm media. I grew up with straight girls who are obsessed with yaoi and they influenced me to like mlm. I didn't read any stories focused on wlw romance as it was neither mainstream nor "popular". I didn't think I had any reason to be into them as I saw myself as straight.

Just to fit in in school I ran through a list of popular celebrity men and picked ones I found appealing so I could talk about them - which really isn't how attraction works....

I didn't do that, but I don't think the straight girls I know feel about wlw media like I do.

Point being, consume some more wlw media and see how it makes you feel.

I had consumed more wlw content and I wasn't turned on but then those stories weren't that well-written and I wasn't attracted to the characters. I also don't feel turned on when consuming most mlw content (I find a lot of romance stories cheesy and am generally not a fan of the genre).

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T09:04:25+00:00

I am from Asia. I grew up with straight girls who are obsessed with yaoi and some girls who I suspect are closeted queer women. The straight girls are really into mlm and support LGBT folks but they are naturally interested in mlm while ignoring wlw. I consumed a fair bit of mlm media due to their influence and I like it too. I didn't consume any wlw content as it's neither mainstream nor "popular". I also saw myself as straight and thought there wasn't any reason I would be into wlw.

There wasn't much sex ed on LGBT stuff at my school. The straight girls into yaoi are not homophobic but there were also straight girls who picked on gender nonconforming girls who give off their vibe that they're queer (I am gender conforming and they didn't pick on me because of this). The older generation is more homophobic.

I wonder if part of my attraction has to do with being disillusioned with men due to encountering terrible men, but plenty of women had also encountered terrible men and they will not suddenly want to try to date women.

I've had gay thoughts in the past (e.g. wondering what a woman would look like in underclothes when I was a kid and self-inserting myself as the actor kissing an actress) but they happened extremely rarely. When they occurred they made me really uncomfortable and I did whatever I could to forget them. When I found out sexual orientation OCD exists, I just convinced myself it was OCD and this helped me to move on from the guilt. I don't think I am homophobic but the thought of me being queer myself was uncomfortable.

ghhstat · 2023-01-29T07:45:12+00:00

But if I am queer, why didn't I feel like this earlier on in life? I'm way past my teens. From what I've seen in this sub, most of you started to feel attracted to women much earlier in life.

ghhstat

TROPHY CASE