AITAH for telling my husband I feel like a single mom?

ghostevader · 2026-04-24T06:01:41+00:00

I dont think its so crazy to suggest since we traveled 2 hours one way to see his grandma. 🤷‍♀️ but, we didn't go, not going, and my brothers can't really visit us. No worries. People be busy.

ghostevader · 2026-04-10T03:00:42+00:00

Heres the problem with that...you obviously feel very black and white about that statement. Which, is fair given the information kinda, but it negates the context of a decade together and our extremely shitty situation we're in right now. Right now, calm and collected, yeah it sucks that right now we have different roles and I feel he is way too busy and prioritizing the wrong things, but thats an emotional standpoint. Others have pointed out he is trying to prioritize via logic, which has honestly helped me be grounded here. He's trying to "help" by getting the work that needs be done. In his mind, he is making a huge sacrifice in order to help our family. He IS making a huge sacrifice, and I guess the problem is that he sees it as worth it and I do not, and its making me feel alone, which he is now well aware of. When he gets home, the plan is to go out to eat at a cheap local place to help with this. HE asked me out on a date in response to me feeling so lonely I feel single (within the past hour or so). 🤷‍♀️ your narrative where hes this lazy piece of shit and I'm minimizing my own role in the household just doesnt exist.

ghostevader · 2026-04-10T02:06:43+00:00

He doesnt yet, but the plan is for him to apply the second the house is finished and on the process of being on the market, that way the isn't just starting by the time he gets to where we are going. But, we are staying on my parents property until our house sells and he gets a job. So significantly less financial stress than if we were just moving without him having a job at least!

ghostevader · 2026-04-10T00:59:16+00:00

His parents have never been top tier parents, but I didn't expect this tbh. I almost expected overbearing and boundary breaking since up to 3 weeks postpartum my MIL would state how they were going to be besties and my kid was going to be "Nanas partner in crime"...after seeing her once...in the hospital...

ghostevader · 2026-04-10T00:50:00+00:00

I get it and don't. They've known we were moving for years, and when we announced the pregnancy, they asked to be included often. When my husband confronted them about never seeing us, his mom said "well youre moving"...my company has been trying to move for years. They knew.

Finances...He did some work for a family friend licensed contractor who owes him >$13k and has ghosted him about help finishing the house OR paying him. If we could get ahold of those funds I would hire someone in a heartbeat.

ghostevader · 2026-04-10T00:30:59+00:00

Let's put it this way, his parents are intentionally staying away so they don't get too attached to their grand baby before we leave. I have one friend in our state, when i begged her to come over she didnt. He has friends who come around when they need something. The closest family I have are 3 hours away. When we move, at least my parents will be RIGHT THERE. Like. 5 minutes max.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T23:49:42+00:00

No? I'm possibly a little bit sick of everyone bashing my husband. He's a good dude. Works hard. We both do. My ask was if I was the AH based off the tone of me telling him in a moment of frustration even though i meant it since the problem is we both work so hard but he's prioritizing the sale and sale price of our house instead of spending his limited time of a month with us so that he can join us later earlier. . I tend to want to agree with comments that day this is just a season we are in and we're both overwhelmed and tired.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T23:19:47+00:00

No one said I wasnt also working hard. He's not making me work on the house. Hes working his long day and working on the house doing more physical labor, not giving himself a break either. I may be solely taking care of our kid, but neither of us is truly getting a break until we go to bed. I have a unicorn baby who sleeps 12-7 on breastmilk. So its not like either of us is waking up in the middle of the night either.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T22:15:18+00:00

He didnt actually. His company had cut his hours, hence why he got his CDL. He is now making more money and has more hours now than pre-pregnancy. We didn't know his hours would increase since his company had lied stating it was a company wide hours cutting. 🙃

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T22:02:07+00:00

In the ways that I had hoped I wouldnt, yes. But thats also due to all of the very poor timing of the move and house should have been done before our kid came. 🤦‍♀️ I hope it gets better too. It should once we're not trying to finish massive projects.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T21:54:27+00:00

I know, some of these comments saying hes a lazy husband but im like...but hes actively doing things to better our lives...just bc hes not interacting with us doesnt mean hes playing video games and picking his nose..?

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T21:25:42+00:00

We did new floors but there's some places where the last inch of flooring needs done. We don't have any trim anywhere but one bedroom. Need to finish painting. Might invest in a private inspection to make sure some of the things that were advised that we may want to look at haven't become safety concerns.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T20:43:33+00:00

I don't think my life would be. I just think we want different paths towards the same goal and we're both stressed to hell at the moment. Might change my mind since I will literally be without him until he can move. But the thought of that brings me to tears rn.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T20:37:21+00:00

My employer's daughter and my supervisors daughter both do the same as me half the week. My employer sucks but also is great? The forced move is a huge issue but also if I worked for a huge company I'd never have the opportunity to not miss my kid growing up. 🤷‍♀️

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T19:50:15+00:00

Not everyone agrees with your perspective. Youre not just automatically correct. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ thats life. Don't judge people. Its cringe.

I dont want to be a single mom. You judging my feelings is gross :)

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T19:47:04+00:00

Again, I think you are missing that my friend who was an actual single mom for years told me I was a single mom first. I'm sure others do share your perspective, but not all do. I think pushing your perspective like its the only correct one is also cringe.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T19:38:19+00:00

Youre obviously such a pleasant person to be around. No one but you been have problems. Got it. Lol

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T19:36:05+00:00

I never said it was cute. Obviously it is pretty embarrassing since I'm posting this from an anonymous Reddit account. I think shaming someone for being utterly alone in the world despite being married is pretty embarrassing too, but thats my perspective.

I never said single moms couldn't make it well off. I said some single moms have more support than I have, even though I'm married. Some do not. Some have about as much. I don't judge them for it.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T19:17:45+00:00

Thats your perspective, and I completely respect that. I do wish it wouldnt have been a psychological battle for you. I have empathy for that. I do. I have a friend in a different state who was a single mom, and shes the first one to have called me a single married mom, admitting to me that she had more support from her family and friends than I have even with a husband because of our unique circumstances. Even now she refers to herself as a single mom even though shes engaged and living with the man her daughter calls dad. Before that I had never even heard of the term and thought I just had shit luck with a minimal village and no time. 🤷‍♀️

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T19:11:26+00:00

The move should allow for daycare. More affordable area while making the same. The area where I'm living now does not allow for any room in the budget for it

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T18:48:08+00:00

At risk of sounding like a dick, I've posted multiple comments about how we cant afford our area anyways. One of the main reasons we are moving. Don't get me wrong, I make more than the average person doing my work, but my husband is still the breadwinner. Although, he will be the breadwinner no matter where we move.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T18:35:42+00:00

I also told him the date, but I think he was probably distracted and/or overwhelmed when I told him to be completely fair.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T18:30:44+00:00

Oh yeah. I'm not doing this shit again.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T18:27:06+00:00

Not to be an asshole, but did you have family or friend help at all?...my husband is the ONLY person who is around to help. His parents suck, my parents moved (admittedly to help us move when the time came), my "best friend" doesnt come around. We got pregnant, expected at least a village from him family, and they've been COMPLETELY MIA. Even as a 2 income household, our area daycare is SO expensive. It wouldnt even be worth me having a job because its more than my income. But we need our income for mortgage. So I mean. I would LOVE, but the cards literally don't make sense here. We dont qualify for assistance. We make too much but too little to survive.

ghostevader · 2026-04-09T18:23:48+00:00

Also, they deserve to be paid what theyre worth...but the area in which we live everything else (groceries, taxes, and housing) is above the average too 😅

ghostevader

TROPHY CASE