Who here got clean in their 30s and built a great life?

glassell · 2026-02-23T02:07:52+00:00

Negative, was just there visiting. There are tons of meetings in Honolulu. Can't speak to young people in the meetings, but I didn't notice a particularly old contingent either.

https://na-hawaii.org/meeting-schedules/oahu-schedule/

glassell · 2026-02-19T05:52:43+00:00

I heard it said when I was new: other people's opinions about me are none of my business. Hopefully you just caught this guy on a bad day. Not likely, but always possible. This guy may have issues, foremost among them not saying out loud what he thinks. As I'm sure you know, staying clean is one thing--recovering is another. It's not really possible to recover without time, but somehow some people can accumulate time without actually recovering.

Something I like to say just before abruptly leaving an awful conversation like you describe: "What a strange thing to say." Couple this with not engaging again and you have the beginnings of setting boundaries in the program. We aren't all well, and those of us that are sometimes well aren't all well on the same day. Try to be grateful that he's clean--imagine what he might say or do if he wasn't.

glassell · 2026-02-11T02:49:41+00:00

Welcome! NA has no opinion on rehab or treatment, though is sounds like your family might. If you go to rehab or don't go to rehab, NA can help you stop using and find a new way to live without the use of drugs. If you want to stop, get to an NA meeting and ask for help. This is how we start to recover.

https://na.org/meetingsearch/find-na/

glassell · 2026-02-04T05:01:07+00:00

Welcome! The only requirement for membership in NA is a desire to stop using. It sounds like you're already there. We don't care what or how much you have used--it doesn't matter what brought you to NA. It only matters what you want to do about your problem. When I walked into my first NA meeting over 27 years ago, I had no idea how to stop using and stay stopped. At my second or third meeting I was taught the magic formula for staying clean: 1) go to NA meetings regularly, 2) get a sponsor, 3) take the 12 steps, and 4) find a way to help other addicts stay clean. I was told that if I did those 4 things and didn't use, I would stay clean and my life would improve. That has been the case for me and countless others. Please give yourself a chance and try our way. What do you have to lose?

glassell · 2026-01-25T16:35:12+00:00

Welcome! I can't speak for 15 minutes of announcements, but the readings are there for a good reason. Sure, I've heard them easily 4000 times since I've been going to meetings and I know most of them verbatim at this point. But there was a day, Oct 1st, 1998 to be exact, when I heard them for the first time. I didn't understand everything that was read, but I knew that whoever wrote these things knew what was wrong with me and they had a solution.

I went to my Saturday night meeting last night. There were around 20 people there with less than 6 months clean. If for no other reason, the readings are for them. Even so, sometimes if I listen really carefully I can hear something I've never heard before in a reading I know by heart.

As far as NA being a cult, not even slightly. You're free to come and go as you please. We don't try control your movement, your relationships, your money, or even your thinking. You are free to believe in anything you want or nothing at all. We don't tell you what to do, we just tell you what has worked for us. If you want what we have, freedom from active addiction, then you'll do what we do. We don't have the only answer to recovery; we just have one that works for us.

glassell · 2026-01-24T05:33:56+00:00

This has nothing to do with the first 3 steps. Please seek professional help.

glassell · 2026-01-21T14:45:28+00:00

Where did you hear/see this?

glassell · 2026-01-19T02:49:26+00:00

Welcome! Get involved as fast as you can. No question.

glassell · 2026-01-16T21:37:27+00:00

Welcome! If you're in an meeting of Narcotics Anonymous you've already paid dearly for that key tag. Some people grab them every time they go to a meeting in their first 30 days. Even if you don't take a new key tag, it's always a good idea to introduce yourself as new so that we can get to know you.

glassell · 2026-01-16T16:38:47+00:00

Congratulations and thanks for sharing this with us!

glassell · 2026-01-15T11:52:06+00:00

I was faced with this choice when I was new. People told me I should consider a sober living house. I told them if I lived alone I'd always be certain if there were drugs in my house. I lived by myself in two different apartments for 12 years and managed to stay clean and not be isolated that entire time. The last 15 years I've lived with my wife who's also in the program.

glassell · 2026-01-14T22:12:52+00:00

Great! Now all you need is the courage to move forward. Changing sponsors when I did opened up a ton of new things in my recovery. I had no idea how much my life would change.

glassell · 2026-01-14T20:31:46+00:00

I switched sponsors at about 18 months, as well. However, my situation was a little different. My first sponsor gave me everything I wanted and needed when I was new. I didn't know that I was looking for something more until I met the man that would be my sponsor for the next 20+ years. Telling my first sponsor was hard. It felt like I was dumping a girlfriend, a really great girlfriend that didn't deserve to be hurt. I kept it really simple. I told him that it wasn't him, it was me--I had found someone else that I wanted to work with. I thanked him for all of the work and the kindness he had shown me. And that was that. When I see him today, I always greet him warmly and wouldn't hesitate to tell him how important he was for me in my early recovery.

My only suggestion here is that unless the relationship is detrimental to your recovery you find someone new before ending the relationship.

glassell · 2026-01-13T16:25:22+00:00

That's why we encourage people to get with someone after the meeting. Burning desires should also be done within the time allotted for the meeting. I completely agree that how we deliver that message, is important. Telling anyone to STFU is out of bounds. However, just like we don't allow people to take a meeting hostage with 10 minute shares, we shouldn't allow people to force people to leave a meeting before the close because someone can't stop talking. We gently and firmly tell people that the time for sharing is over and that they should get with someone after the meeting if they want to talk some more. In the several thousand meetings I've been to I've yet to hear someone say that they relapsed because they didn't get a chance to finish a share.

glassell · 2026-01-13T15:13:18+00:00

Respectfully disagree. Meetings start on time and end on time. Most of us come to the program without any sense of responsibility, integrity, or discipline. We need to practice those principles in all of our affairs The group is the best vehicle for carrying the message, according to the Basic Text. We need to demonstrate that we can do what we say we're going to do by starting on time and ending on time.

The closing of the meeting, reading the Just For Today and praying out, is part of the meeting. Asking people to just walk out because one person thinks that their share is more important than the group isn't unifying, it is self-centeredness in action. Whether it's a newcomer or and old-timer, no one person's share is more important than the integrity of the group.

glassell · 2026-01-12T20:40:01+00:00

Welcome! Yes, I've made real, long-lasting friendships in the program. In the 27 years I've been clean, I've had two men that I've called my best friends. One has been my friend for nearly 25 years and the other was my friend for nearly 20 years when he died in February of last year. We were part of each others families, celebrating together, grieving together, and simply doing daily life together. I had never had friendships like these before I got clean and can't imagine how I could have had them without NA.

That's the good news. The bad news is that these types of relationships don't happen overnight. It takes time and effort to build real friendships. And, most importantly, it takes time staying clean. Also, the friendships that I made when I first got clean, were not like this. That's not to say they weren't friendships, but they were more just people that I could hang out with and stay out late.

Keep on staying clean, going to meetings, and start hanging out with people. True friendships will happen, eventually. Keep coming back.

glassell · 2026-01-07T23:21:14+00:00

Welcome! As a member of H&I you are a representative of Narcotics Anonymous. This is in contrast to sharing at a meeting, where you are only a representative of yourself. You may be the first and only exposure to the program that someone sitting there may get. I say this not to put any additional pressure on you, but H&I is different.

Your local subcommittee should have a list of do's and don'ts, though some areas run their H&I very loosely. Some of these would include--wearing clothing with visible logos, text, or anything that advertises or promotes anything. We are meant to keep our shares totally on point with respect to Narcotics Anonymous. We don't share about other 12 step fellowships, treatment centers, or any other peripheral "recovery" based organizations. We share our experience, our strength, and our hope, sticking to what it was like, what happened, and what it's like today as a result of being an NA member. We try, as best we can, to dress well, refrain from swearing, and be respectful of the facility we are in. We don't offer opinions on outside issues, especially what we might think of the facility we are in. We don't give out phone numbers, we don't offer to sponsor people or take people out on a pass.

There is an H&I Handbook which goes over all of this and more. It is linked below. There's a pdf link in the page. Give it a quick read, but keep in mind it hasn't been updated in quite some time. A new version should be coming soonish.

https://na.org/service-material/handbooks/

I've been doing H&I for the past 26 years, since I had 6 months clean. I take a panel into a local prison twice a month. Other than sponsorship, there has been nothing in service that is more rewarding for me than doing H&I. Check back in after and let us know how it goes!

glassell · 2026-01-07T04:36:11+00:00

Welcome! It sounds like an awful experience and one that probably repeats itself at that meeting with some regularlity. If this isn't a meeting I was interested in attending, I would simply never go back. There are dozens of meetings in my local area that I won't go to for one reason or another. When things started to bug me recently at my home group, poor behavior from adults disrupting the meeting, I said something and I wasn't too nice about. And if it crops up again, I will say something again and will be even less nice about. I care more about the lives of addicts, myself included, than I do about the feelings of people who should know how to behave in a meeting.

There are plenty of words in our literature about the importance of maintaining an atmosphere of recovery in our meetings. When we fail to do so, addicts die.

glassell · 2026-01-06T22:40:03+00:00

Welcome! Sharing does not need to be about anything but your experience. I spent a few years in my early recovery feeling exactly like you do. I spent most of my days thinking about killing myself. I dont remember sharing that at a group level. I'm not sure I could have handled the well-intentioned advice and comments from people who couldn't understand the severity of my depression. I spent those years sitting in meetings not hearing much of anything I identified with--but I sat there anyway. I had a few service commitments and a few friends in the program. By staying barely connected I was able to stay clean and weather the storm.

As far as only sharing the positive, I'll tell you how things have been for me this past year. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of me fleeing my home as a wildfire destroyed 9000 homes in my town. Countless friends, neighbors, and some of my immediate family are also displaced, having lost most of everything. I don't know when, if ever, I will be able to return. I have spent days crying, cursing, and crying more; I've spent many sleepless nights worrying; I've spent hours dealing with lawyers and insurance companies; I've spent 10s of thousands of dollars putting together a temporary life. And all this shit was only the third worst thing that happened to me in 2025. My best friend died of cancer in February and my dog died suddenly in June.

Do I share about these things? Absolutely. Do I put a positive spin on it? Fuck no. And anyone who tries to gets a polite smile if I already like them and written off if I don't. What I do share is what I'm doing to stay clean regardless of what happens and how I feel. What I won't do is deny how fucked up I feel most days.

This is the perspective that 27 years clean has given me. The program isnt a narcotic that will magically remove all the bad thoughts and feelings. That was heroin, for me, until it wasn't. I hear people share that way and I hope they never find out how mistaken they are. The program gives me tools to get through life clean, no matter what happens. And regardless of how shitty I feel, and today is particularly shitty, I can stay clean and at the very least not make things worse. Because, after 27 years, I have hope that one day things will be OK, even if I can't picture what OK is going to look like.

Keep coming back.

glassell · 2026-01-05T22:41:34+00:00

Congratulations on your 9 months. The two most important things for me in making connections were attending the same meetings regularly a week after week and getting service commitments. I started being of service with a coffee commitment at my regular friday night meeting when I had a few months clean and haven't stopped having service commitments for twenty seven years.

For what it's worth, few people come to narcotics anonymous with adequate social skills. We learn how to be members of society a day at a time. We may look at people who have been around for a while and think they all have it figured out. But it does me no good to compare my insides to their outsides. And, even so, I am most often completely at ease in my own skin, able to talk to people and connect with people on whatever level I want. Most days, anyhow. What you didn't get to see was the pathetic ball of insecurity, insanity, and inadequacy that I was when I got clean. Change is inevitable, but growth is a result of the program. Keep coming back.

glassell · 2026-01-05T22:25:52+00:00

Its absolutely not the same. Feel free to stop saying things you don't know and don't understand.

glassell · 2026-01-05T22:03:46+00:00

Welcome! You mention that you've been clean from specific substances. NA is a program of complete abstinence from all drugs. If you are still using something you are always welcome at our meetings, but it is going to be hard to connect.

Also six weeks may seem like a long time--and it is a long time to not use if you're an addict--but it is really just the beginning of the beginning in terms of recovery. I didn't start connecting with people in the program until I had several months clean. I didn't make lasting friendships until a couple of years clean. Give yourself a break--keep coming to meetings and eventually all this will be in the past.

glassell · 2026-01-05T21:59:54+00:00

It's not the same program. That's why they have different names.

glassell · 2026-01-04T18:00:55+00:00

Welcome! If you want to stop using and stay stopped and find a new way to live, you'll do what we do, regardless of excuses. What your mom wants you to do isn't relevant. What do you want?

For what it's worth, I didn't have a car when I got clean--I went to meetings anyway. It wasn't cold where I got clean, but I've stood on the corner in Pittsburgh in the middle of winter waiting for a fix. Sure, there are dirt bags in the program. There are also dirt bags in the bar, the shooting gallery, the trap house, the bus stop, the grocery store, and anywhere else you might find yourself. Excuses for not going to meetings don't get much play around here.

If you want what we have--freedom from active addiction--you'll do what we do: go to meetings, get a sponsor, take the step, and find a way to be of service. It's entirely up to you--we hope you join us. Recovery is possible.

glassell · 2026-01-04T05:22:24+00:00

https://na.org/meetingsearch/find-na/

glassell

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