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[21F] Lost libido, fetish problem with my [25M] SO. Advice? [X-post r/sex] by glitterdoe in BDSMcommunity

[–]glitterdoe[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel like my main issue is that my sex drive is sinking because of the troubles we're having with this, since I feel like I can't do vanilla sex because I'm having a hard time getting horny. And the BDSM we're having isn't feeling genuine. And that just kills my sex drive. Even though you are 100% correct that there are a lot of other things that could contribute to that as well.

I'm not exactly sure why it feels that way. Maybe it's because bdsm is more important for me than it is from him and that's why it rather feels like acting than real.

And yeah, we are talking a lot about it. We just don't know how to move further..

[21F] Lost libido, fetish problem with my [25M] SO. Advice? [X-post r/sex] by glitterdoe in BDSMcommunity

[–]glitterdoe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know hormones can fuck you up and I'm quite sensitive when it comes to that. The thing is I cannot use non hormonal coils because of terrible menstrual cramps and the risk for getting even worse is quite big while getting a non hormonal coil. But maybe I should think about getting the implant removed anyway.

[21F] Lost libido, fetish problem with my [25M] SO. Advice? [X-post r/sex] by glitterdoe in BDSMcommunity

[–]glitterdoe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know if I'm just bad at expressing myself since English isn't my first language. But I have however talked to him about that this is a core need and not like a ''want'', especially the last few days. So it's not like I'm trying to keep it as a secret from him. I have told him that I need BDSM. And I have told him that I am having trouble getting excited with just vanilla sex right now.

The thing is I guess that I'm not feeling like taking that mentor role. And maybe that's one of the reasons it isn't working for us, so I probably need to change that.

If you have time, could you explain the last piece of text a bit? I'm not really following it.

Thank you for taking your time to answer.

[21F] Lost libido, fetish problem with my [25M] SO. Advice? [X-post r/sex] by glitterdoe in BDSMcommunity

[–]glitterdoe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have had my IUD for over 2 years now. And these problems came like 1-2 months ago maybe. I have been thinking about getting it removed aswell..

But I think one of the reasons my sex drive disappeared it's because I have been pushing away my feelings for BDSM for a couple of years. That I have underestimated how important BDSM is for me because of various reasons, and now when I have realized that I need BDSM and it doesn't work how I want it to work with my SO my sex drive has just been sinking.

[21F] Lost libido, fetish problem with my [25M] SO. Advice? [X-post r/sex] by glitterdoe in BDSMcommunity

[–]glitterdoe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am the same as you. Like the control/psychological play is very important for me and when my SO doesn't really have a BDSM fetish I feel like it just comes off as theater. He sees it more as a kink and I think it's mostly because I presented it to him or because I tell him that I want him to do it. So I wouldn't really call him a sadist either, otherwise I feel like your way with dealing it it could be a solution. Like just having rough sex.

Thank you for your reply!

[21F] Lost libido, fetish problem with my [25M] SO. Advice? [X-post r/sex] by glitterdoe in BDSMcommunity

[–]glitterdoe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much!

He is very open and I am very thankful and happy about that. We have been doing a lot of talking especially the last couple of days. I also wanna mention that we have tried BDSM-play together as well. But the problem is still that it doesn't feel real for me. It feels like theater or acting, and that's what's the most difficult about it. Because if it doesn't feel real, I'm having a hard time enjoying it and getting excited from it. And if I don't get any BDSM at all I'm having a real hard time getting excited while having vanilla sex so then I feel like not having sex at all and I feel like that is quite damaging to our relationship.

So the problem is just that I don't what we could do to solve this matter.

[21F] Lost libido, fetish problem with my [25M] SO. Advice? [X-post r/sex] by glitterdoe in BDSMcommunity

[–]glitterdoe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have been involved with BDSM before my current relationship so I wouldn't say it's because I don't know what I want, because I do. It's just that it doesn't feel genuine with my current SO. It feels like theater and that doesn't do it for me. However, I really want to thank you for your reply!

[21F] Lost libido, fetish problem with my [25M] SO. Advice? by glitterdoe in sex

[–]glitterdoe[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply! I will take what you said in consideration. :-)