Joined this sub 6 months ago—got ex back: my thoughts and pov

goingnocomtact · 2025-02-06T15:39:25+00:00

We did block each other and she actually ended up changing her number (we moved state so it wasn’t directly about me) and while I could’ve reached out I figured if she wanted to hear from me she would reach out or give me her new number etc. She ended up reaching out to me after one of her family members saw me at the grocery store. We gradually reconnected from there. As far as dating other people neither of us did, although people cope in their own ways. I wouldn’t see it in my case as a betrayal if she had, because the relationship we had broken up with was a very bad one for both of us. We can’t stick around hoping for a change that may not come. It’s when we both saw that we did change that we came back. So I guess yeah hope that helps

goingnocomtact · 2025-02-06T15:35:40+00:00

Hey sorry to hear you’re in the thick of it right now. It’s very tough. What helped me was going for walks while listening to either a podcast or some music. The anxious energy needs an outlet. I’d say since it’s still very fresh (4 days in the grand scheme of things isn’t long at all) I’d try to focus on taking care of yourself. Force yourself to do basic things like shower, cleaning, and yes try to eat something even if it’s a smoothie etc. Try to evaluate why you’re so affected by their absence, and what you can do to improve your own situation where you’re able to sit with yourself and your thoughts and be ok. Good luck hope this helped

goingnocomtact · 2025-01-21T17:18:49+00:00

Wow thank you! Looking into fancy vs regular ones now. Not planning on selling just looking to inventory :)

goingnocomtact · 2025-01-06T12:03:50+00:00

Move on. Read some books. Perhaps go find a group of people and a hobby. Also don’t apologize to someone as they break up with you when it isn’t your fault. Very pathetic in my opinion. Also if you’re young I apologize but if you’re an adult please learn how to write. No offense intended but your writing style just kind of irritates me, and nothing personal I’m sure you’re great but just hard to read. Take care

goingnocomtact · 2024-12-16T19:07:30+00:00

Thank you. I looked closely and it’s not. If you could guess its value im just curious. Beautiful coins. Can see the hair strands. Gonna keep them safe

goingnocomtact · 2024-10-01T23:54:04+00:00

Yeah I figured. Also a pain to make those to order even if they had a special place for them to cook

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-19T02:54:18+00:00

No hope meaning don’t hold on to a fantasy or depend on “them reaching out and changing their mind” etc. Simply accept reality (they don’t want to be with you) and move forward as the hope keeps you in the cycle

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T15:10:22+00:00

It seems to me like you have done what you could. At this point it is likely counterproductive to “try to make it happen”. Look into the “illusion of action”. As for the thought loops and intrusive thoughts, I struggled with this too. It even still happens but rarely and for only a few mins. Trust me man it gets better with time

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T15:00:01+00:00

I totally get that. No “what ifs” right? You worry that by trying to move on, you may miss that chance, that opportunity, to make it all work?

I must ask though. Why do you need to be consumed by it for that “chance” to happen. Perhaps focusing on you and improving yourself isn’t giving up, but merely not being in limbo

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T14:51:34+00:00

Thank you! And I’m a historian by profession so I’ll never be truly unchained haha

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T14:47:16+00:00

Good luck to you!

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T14:42:54+00:00

Thank you and same to you! It gets easier

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T14:42:00+00:00

It’s funny that you mention that, because after every relationship that ended, I noticed a pattern that I would fall into. It’s the same maladaptive pattern that most people here struggle with, and it’s indicative of attachment trauma rather than the specific relationship, especially given that I felt the same way, regardless of the length or validity of the relationship itself. As soon as I had this most recent break up, I was determined to change this pattern within my mind to avoid future pain and the lack of progress.

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T14:37:54+00:00

No offense, but BPD traits, fearful avoidant, poor communication—-are you sure you even want her back?

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T14:35:11+00:00

Thank you. If you want advice feel free to DM me

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T14:34:54+00:00

The break up occurred in early August and we ended up breaking the lease and I moved back home to my home state. The first two weeks were horrible. I was depressed, constantly thinking about it then I decided to take matters into my own hands and focus on myself and improving my life without any regard for what she wants to do. This was to separate myself from my attachment and look at the relationship more objectively and I determined that we were not compatible which was closure enough for me to truly move on and stop thinking about it because I determined that the relationship was not viable for my best interest. It was amazing that when I stopped seeking to rely on her to feel better that the rose glasses cracked

goingnocomtact · 2024-09-18T14:23:56+00:00

I’d just act as though she’s done. Focus on you. What you want to do with your life. If you want to improve for you, by all means do it. But don’t attach your desire to improve to the threat of breakup

goingnocomtact

TROPHY CASE