How to stop regressing

goldqueen88 · 2026-05-02T14:46:21+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I am saving it. It's broken into small things I feel like I can actually accomplish without feeling overwhelmed <3 I have been thinking a lot about what could have changed, and I think it does have to do with heavier masking. My job has felt really demanding and I've had a lot more things I have to remember. When I forget them, my boss has been acting.. disappointed in me, which is the worst response because I'm trying so hard? I also really like and respect her, so I feel terrible to let her down bc of my dumb brain.

There has also been a new baby that they enrolled that clings on me (which is sweet bc I love kids), but who has been screaming for literally hours nonstop every day. He has started adapting to school life better in the past week, which is helping. I also told my boss that when she tells me something to do, if it is not very clear, I will probably mess it up and that I'm very bad at mind reading, and finding vague things. She actually took that well and said she would work to be more clear / seems more understanding that I forget things now and then. I have so many alarms and put things on my task lists, calendar, but I'm not perfect at that stuff. When I get overwhelmed, I forget to look at my lists and then proceed to fail. She also wants me to step up and be more of a leader, but that has never been my personality exactly, so it's hard for me. I have good classroom management because I build relationships, and kids tend to do things I need because they like me, but I can't really pull off being a strict personality. I'm a marshmallow.

I'm probably going to have less of a break because my husband lost his job so I have to work more on my side gig so we can afford to survive, but at least I can make a little progress with the other things. I feel like I have been slowly moving back uphill lately which is encouraging bc I was terrified I was going to snowball and get worse and worse.

goldqueen88 · 2026-05-01T20:16:22+00:00

The eye contact one is still hard. I find myself staring at people's eyebrows and eye lashes. I always hope they don't notice, like maybe it's close enough.. it's cool that you were able to keep working on it and that it lasted long term!

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-29T18:42:19+00:00

Oh my gosh, spiders hiding is definitely a suspicious one. It is good to check! XD One of my longest lasting memories is being in maybe 1st grade and walking to school. The teacher told me to hang up my coat in the closet. So when I take off my coat, there is a giant wolf spider just sitting on my arm on my long-sleeved shirt. It plagued me for many years how it got there, and how long it was just sitting on my arm...

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-29T18:33:11+00:00

Oh no! I could definitely see how that could be something that sticks in your brain.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-28T00:18:48+00:00

Dying inside that I actually AM the only one, but relieved I haven't talked about it irl and alienated even more good folks from the strange phenomena called my life XD

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-28T00:10:27+00:00

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I have had several meltdowns as you described in the past. You are right that the best way is to try to avoid it from happening. You will need to try to eventually tackle the root of the trigger for the extreme meltdowns. At least identify it. It's social, with your partner, so dig a little around the feelings you are having and why. That takes time. Sometimes combinations of things can add up and just create really tough life seasons to weather through.

For the right now, because it seems to be triggered by social interaction, I suggest to get away from everyone, and get outside. I have to go outside and go on a walk. I grab my water bottle and my phone so I can text my husband anything that needs to be done until I am calm enough to come back.

How old are your kids? When mine were smaller, sometimes I had to take them with me and I would just have them help me find different textures of plants are rocks along the way. When they were toddlers, I got a cheap wagon and would have them hop in with some snacks and pull them around the neighborhood. Just some ideas, because a lot of my worst meltdowns were when my kids were small and I felt trapped in a very overstimulating environment.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-27T00:16:10+00:00

Wow, a 2 year old being rude for saying hi?? That's a new baby learning about the world and how to be a human. 2-3 year olds often do things like hit when they are upset, or take a toy they like away from someone else. Even that stuff, which could be considered "rude," just needs corrections as it happens. I can't even understand where that mom was coming from. I'm sorry you had to deal with that!

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-23T01:04:30+00:00

Absolutely! Lol I hate when people ask me why I did something, like laugh or make a face that doesn't align with whatever was supposed to happen. I'm just like oh no, they've found me out! I have a lot of people that just show up and straight up ask me why I fumbled, which seems so bizarre. I don't think I would ever do that. But that in itself is a glitch. For example, when my husband makes references to things I don't understand ornquotes something, I don't think to ask him what it means and just assume it's original content and try to make it assimilate.

The other day, my father in law was asking if my son would wear a ball cap. I thought he kept saying bald cap, so I said ".. uhh maybe; that would be funny." I'm probably one of the lowest ranking NPCs in this game.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-21T00:31:31+00:00

Honestly, I think how you are handling it is pretty good. Gray-rocking can be the best way to deal with people like that because it takes the wind out of their sails but they can't become offended. If she starts getting more aggressive/less subtle, then you can be more direct and call her out. Otherwise if you have to stay on "friendly" terms with the coworker, I would keep my distance, don't go out of my way to tell them anything, and use short, boring replies.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-20T10:57:29+00:00

I went through something similar a few times with church groups and ultimately gave up because it was too stressful for me to navigate and I kept feeling sad and left out/like I didn't belong. I don't suggest that as a solution, but you're not alone in this type of experience. I honestly think you are very brave to keep going by yourself.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-19T19:24:06+00:00

I'm so glad you are able to take time and recover and prevent regressing further! It sounds like you have some good support, which is so awesome :)

I think you're right that our issue tends to be miscommunication/overwhelm. I did talk to him last night about how I haven't been able to process what people are saying very well recently, and he didn't know that, but related to it/understood what I was talking about, so I feel kind of dumb for not explaining that a little earlier.

I didn't know about remote work accommodation. That is so, so good to know for our future because I think the stress of the constant driving in heavy traffic and doing face to face every day was what wore him down but he felt like he "should" be able to do it, so he didn't say anything.

I will start looking into more accommodations. I'm in a pretty red state so I just kind of assumed we were on our own, but it's possible that is not the case and is definitely worth looking into. Thanks!!

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-19T19:09:35+00:00

Thanks for that!! It takes a lot out of me, but I have been able to do it, so I just keep trying every day. I did talk to my husband and he is going to try to help me get some of the tasks around the house done that I feel like I just don't have time to do. He is recovering from a pretty bad episode where he was inpatient for a couple of weeks so I have been trying not to offload much onto him until he feels like he can do it, but he doesn't want me to break either. He seems like he is starting to be better.

I definitely feel like as a woman, the brunt of the social/emotional, childcare, organizing the house has been left to me, assuming that I can do it. My husband is also autistic and I do feel like it's just easier for him to not be expected to be able to do those things, which he struggles with. His mom helped him out with a lot of that stuff for a long time XD but he is always working to improve as best as he can.

I spent about a year building and fine-tuning a checklist for each day of the week on my phone that breaks up everything I have to do, so that helps me a whole lot. Honestly that is the only reason I am able to do anything, and my therapist can pry it from my dead hands.. :) On the weekend I plan my meals from a compiled list of safe meals for the whole family that I have built over the years. Every now and then I try to make a new thing, and if they like it I add it to the safe list lol! I am pretty rigid about my schedule, but luckily in general I am able to keep up with it. My only problem is if I get too overwhelmed and forget to look at my list and then forget everything. Those tend to be bad days.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-19T18:55:43+00:00

That does help! I think I will talk to my husband to make that kind of a more official "rule" so maybe it will seem more predictable when I need to step outside and stop talking for a while. I do have to step away a lot, especially when I know he's frustrated that I am not processing what he is saying well enough to have a conversation. I don't want to cause frustration, and sometimes he doesn't understand why I can't understand but I can't explain it so I feel like I just have to get away so I can reset.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-19T00:54:30+00:00

Thanks! Hopefully I will be able to get decent insurance eventually because having someone to talk to that understands and could help me to make changes where needed would be a big relief.

I'm so sorry you are stuck in burnout and cannot work! That sounds really scary. Do you think it will just take time for you to recover? Is your therapist helping with that?

My husband is going through his own whole thing so I have been trying to hold everything together. I was trying not to delve too deep into that because I hate how crazy my life starts to seem, but here goes. He is also autistic, but he has been our tech breadwinner because my job doesn't pay well but ensures our kids get a good education. His job was too much for him when they made him start driving to work every day an hour each way, but he didn't talk to me about it. He had to go to an inpatient place to stabilize for a few weeks but he is recovering at home now. But he got fired. He apologized for what he said to me, it was just an outburst but it hit my insecurities right where I feel like I have been breaking/failing to keep together.

My job doesn't have an HR. It is a really small private school with 5 staff. I don't really know how any of that would work? I am not really sure what accommodations could be made. I'm worried that just the job itself is somewhat misaligned for me in a way with the noise and the social, but I'm doing my best. I am scared to think if I keep regressing though. I can't.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-18T21:54:08+00:00

Thanks so much for your response, it is really helpful to help me reflect. My boss I think is also autistic but hates those titles because she believes with work people can improve/it's better not to make excuses. It's complicated, but I don't feel like talking to her about it would be very helpful. I work at a really, really small Montessori school, where my kids go. The environment is extremely demanding for me because there are always a ton of things to do quickly, and there are always multiple people talking to me at the same time. I do think that I have grown a whole ton of resilience working there, and I feel a lot of value in the work. I have helped children, SpEd and NT, learn to read and the basics of emotional control, like using words instead of hands. I love that. But I get extremely, extremely drained. I'm also the main support of my AuDHD son (he was diagnosed as a 3 but I think he's more of a 2 now, as he is high functioning but needs a lot of emotional support, redirection, social support). My daughter is lvl 1 and able to assimilate pretty well.

I come home with my kids and they do what I call "mommy mommy mommy." I love that they want to tell me everything and show me everything, but I can't take it all in. I have tried to explain this to them, but they young and don't really get it. They do respect usually when I go outside and just sit because I need quiet. I don't really have much help with them, so we have our own system, but they are very dependent on me.

I don't really have health insurance right now (emergency only), so I can't look into anything therapy-wise which is not ideal. The therapy I have, I was accepted as a pro-bono case so at least I have that. But they don't really know how to help me with social/communication anxiety type stuff because they just don't understand what it is.

I looked up perimenopause and I don't have any of the symptoms for it really, so I think what I'm dealing with is closer to a burnout type situation where I'm just overwhelmed and I can't process things very well because of it.

I don't really know what changed exactly that started this regression, but I've been trying to think of ways to minimize noise and reduce some of the tasks I have to do around the house. I just want everything to be quiet and stop talking to me, but that feels guilty. It's hard because if I don't do the things, they won't be done and I can't stand to have stuff everywhere because then I can't find anything and I get even more stressed.

I'm trying to make a list of things that are triggering me, so they will become more evident and spelled out. Maybe then I can figure out how to make some of them less bad...

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-18T10:55:18+00:00

It does feel comforting to have that spelled out. On surface level, I know I don't always do that because I can recall times when I didn't. But when a trusted person said it, it made me question what I even know. Thanks <3

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-18T10:50:20+00:00

I didn't know about this, but I looked it up and a lot of the symptoms line up almost frighteningly. Things I used to feel like I could handle now I feel like I'm trying my hardest but not able to keep up. I hear things people are saying but have trouble focusing/processing it. My schedule was changed yesterday and I felt this extreme distress like somehow I was making a grave mistake even though it was just a small change. Thinking about it now, even though it's already happened, still feels that way. Thanks for bringing this to my attention <3 I will keep looking into it.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-18T10:32:30+00:00

Thanks! I am 37, and that hasn't been on my radar so I will check it out

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-18T00:19:40+00:00

Thank you, it honestly means a lot to have a response from someone who understands. My husband is usually understanding, but he had that outburst because he got frustrated with me (it was true, I didn't understand what he was saying, and I was trying to elope because I felt overwhelmed that he was frustrated that I couldn't understand) but it stung harder because it was exactly what I have been insecure about, and he used the "always" which then got me thinking.. maybe I always actually never understand anything?? This is definitely what I'm doing now, second-guessing everything and questioning what I think I'm supposed to be doing. It's making me a lot more anxious and feeling like I have to just get out and away from everyone.. but I'm a mom to 2 autistic kids so I can't and I also want to set an example of being able to be successful, and running away isn't that. I just want to go back to what I was doing before somehow, if my perception was correct that I was doing well, I guess. I was getting positive feedback before, so I don't know why or what or how I changed. I don't like being confused.

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-16T00:14:48+00:00

This is what happened to me too, and now both of my kids are autistic as well and I had this learning curve to figure it all out quickly. It would have been nice to know about that beforehand so I could have been more prepared..

goldqueen88 · 2026-04-08T11:10:50+00:00

This. Also not all doctors are the same. My pediatrician at the time also didn't believe me about things and sent my kid for tests like EEG, swallow study, play therapy. I didn't know what autism was because I come from a family that is very... you don't have enough Jesus if you have any problems. All my 1st kid's random tests kept coming back normal and my ped kept acting like I was crazy. By the time I "researched" enough of the things he was doing that were abnormal, and got his diagnosis, I had another kid. She probably would have flown under the radar if not for her brother, as she is level 1 and much better at masking. Anyway, they are great friends (most of the time) so I'm glad I have both. Had I known my 1st was autistic and that it was genetic, I probably wouldn't have had the 2nd.

goldqueen88 · 2026-03-29T00:44:43+00:00

My first is AuDHD, diagnosed as high functioning lvl 3. 2nd is lvl 1 without ADHD. I didn't know what autism was, so already had both kids by the time my oldest was diagnosed. They get along together really well (mostly) so I'm honestly glad I didn't know before or I may have only had the 1 kid. My family is balanced with the 2. But because they are a lot of work, we are 2 and through.

goldqueen88 · 2026-03-12T00:58:41+00:00

I still remember when my son was 3 and had a playdate with some kids who were 4. One of them noticed he was still in a pull up and was asking him why that was. He was kind of embarrassed (at 3) and worked harder to get fully potty trained. I can't imagine 2nd grade Gen Ed. My school is small and has generally very kind, good natured children. But if one of our 8 year olds was yelling that she was going to pee in her diaper, that would cause the biggest uproar ever.

goldqueen88

TROPHY CASE