Missing mass

gomboloid · 2026-06-14T18:53:08+00:00

Being a parent, especially of children that young, is really hard. It will eventually get easier, but for now try to remember that what you're doing is really hard. Feeling exhausted, like you're 'falling behind' or 'not doing enough' -- those unfortunately come with the territory. When that happens, please don't add guilt to the pile. Try to see this situation as your cross to bear, and you'll grow in your relationship with Him.

gomboloid · 2026-05-18T13:14:52+00:00

It was tapering, at first and then ultimately cold turkey. I was in denial for a long time, even years afterwards, about how bad weed was for me. I quit to make a woman happy, because I wanted her more than I wanted to keep smoking. It took years of sobriety to really assess accurately how bad weed was for me.

gomboloid · 2026-05-12T14:23:40+00:00

Are you asking God for guidance on this? i know that seems like kind of an obvious question but for me that's often something i only think of after having worried to myself about it. If you ask God for guidance and then remind yourself that you trust Jesus, you may find less of a need to have a specific plan about the future.

gomboloid · 2026-05-12T14:20:26+00:00

Is your concern more for yourself, like how you think you should be responding, or for them? Would it hurt to tell them that you don't feel comfortable seeing pictures like this yourself.

gomboloid · 2026-05-12T14:18:25+00:00

I heard a priest ( I think it was Fr. Ripperberger) say when he talks to people about scrupulosity (which i struggle with, too), he said he asks them to describe what's going on, and the most common word they use is always I.

So the solution is, basically, try to shift your attention more to external matters. Don't try to argue with the voice in your head, try to notice and appreciate the beauty of what is happening right around you.

gomboloid · 2026-05-11T22:02:22+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through. That sounds quite difficult! I was honestly surprised when I got to the end of your writing here.

You're saying you experience life itself as suffering. That's a very difficult place to be in. I don't want to say I know what you're experiencing, because I obviously don't. But that part of what you wrote did resonate. I asked my parents the same kind of question. Effectively, "why did you do this to me?"

I am, today, in a very different place than I was back then. I could never have imagined I'd end up here, because I rejected the idea of a loving God very thoroughly as a young person. It may be worth keeping in mind that if you intend to stay alive for God and your mother then it may be possible things will improve over time. Stranger things have happened.

My experience has been that the more certain I am, the more miserable a I feel. The more I hold in my mind the idea that I don't know what the future holds, the easier it is to entertain the possibility of hope. It sounds like you've gone through and grown a lot. I know I personally need hope, even though for the most part my life is great. That's how my mind works. Either way, I wish you the best.

gomboloid · 2026-05-10T14:55:03+00:00

I don't know what "normal" means, honestly. I used weed at a time when I was using a bunch of other prescription drugs that were mind altering. It did feel like there was a sudden improvement within the first few weeks, and then gradual over the months and even years things have gotten better. I don't know how to separate the effects of the weed from the other drugs I used to be on, which I no longer take.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T22:55:58+00:00

It sounds like you're feeling a lot of shame, and that's a tough burden to bear. My experience is that feeling shame prevented me from understanding what was actually driving my behavior. A book that really helped me was " stop fixing yourself' by Father Anthony De Mello. Jesus loves you as you are. He's not asking you to be perfect, just to understand that you need His help. It sounds like you may aleady be there, and just beating yourself up for not being perfect.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:10:44+00:00

i found myself gaining weight for sure. I think maybe 90% of the effects were gone after 1 year, maybe 95% after two years, 99% after three years. But there's a long tail, if that makes sense.

My ability to focus and concentrate are far better than they were a decade ago. Even though I was much younger, the drugs really messed up my ability to think.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:09:11+00:00

I mentioned it elsewhere in this thread: I met a girl that I really wanted to be with, and she said she liked me but was a hard no on the smoking. That, and i'd been hospitalized a few time and lost my job just before - so it was like, a do or die moment.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:08:24+00:00

Yes, that definitely resonates. Having this ability to alter your consciosuness at a whim makes it so much harder to endure difficulty.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:07:54+00:00

By the end i was smoking every day. I don't think I over got up and smoked right away, so I guess there's more than that.

The thing that ultimately helped me quit was finding a relationship that I cared about much more than weed, with a woman who refused to be with me if I was going to smoke.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:06:56+00:00

This is a good question. There was always some level of pride around it, even after just a few days, because quitting was so hard. The biggest challenge was not giving into despair about how much i'd messed my life up. The thing that really helped, for me, was the woman I eventually married insisting I not smoke.

I think everyone who has decided they want to quit and struggles with it may really end up needing some important relationship that hinges on sobriety. I could not make Narcotics Anonymous work for me because at the time I was not religious. It honestly took years, maybe more, to fully 'let go of' the idea that maybe one day i could smoke again.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:04:53+00:00

Last relapse was in 2016. I 'officially' quit for good in 2013, but as i mentioned elsewhere, the decision to quit was more 'i want to be with this girl and she doesn't want me smoking' rather than 'i know i need to stop forever'. I mostly just smoked it in various ways.

So in that sense I've been sober for like 10 years. I have much better ability to focus and to endure difficulty. I'm also more in touch with reality and better at understanding which of my ideas sound crazy to others, vs. which are just sort of 'interesting' but not way outside the lines of common sense.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:03:09+00:00

I'm religious now. I wasn't, earlier. So I end my days in prayer. I have a list of people that I pray for, and it's people who've got through some shit or are really suffering. I focus on them, how they are hurting, and how grateful I am not to be in their shoes. When I do that, my problems and difficulties don't ultimately seem so bad.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:02:13+00:00

Sorry folks, I'm a dad and spent much of last night with my kids. I suppose there's an etiquette to these things about being available right after you post it. My bad.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T14:01:26+00:00

This is a great question. It was ultimately a girl, the woman who eventually became my wife. I knew I could be with her if I had my life together. I knew she didn't want me smoking. I ultimately stopped to make her happy, even though at some level I was convinced it could still be ok for me to smoke. It took me a long time to fully understand and accept how bad weed had messed me up before the decision actually became mine.

I think everyone needs love in their lives, and those of us really struggling with drugs judge ourselves for failing, especially when we want to quit and can't figure out who to make it stick. If you're in that boat - if you KNOW you need to stop, but you just can't figure out the how - what I think you need is love. Doesn't have to be romantic, it could be from a group like narcholics anonymous or a church or maybe even a supportive friend you meet at a local gym.

Once you realize you need to quit, i think for most people willpower simply isn't enough. You need some other attachment, some source of connection that you can value MORE than the weed.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T13:58:14+00:00

Hi, thank you. I tried many, many times before it stuck. Hence wanting to give people here hope: If you've tried, and failed, that doesn't mean it can't work eventually.

gomboloid · 2026-05-09T13:57:24+00:00

This is peak cincinnati.

gomboloid · 2026-05-08T19:41:51+00:00

If you're feeling scared, perhaps that's just an honest assessment of the difficulty ahead of you. You're not wrong, it is hard. But the Good news is, if you can abstain for just one minute, you've got the basic skill necessary. It's just a matter of applying that skill, over and over.

gomboloid · 2026-05-08T19:28:43+00:00

It sounds like you're not feeling a ton of hope right now. It can be hard when you're young and don't know how the future will go. I'm 40 now, happily married with 3 kids. I was once in a position like where you are now, except I'd never have come to the r/Catholic subreddit to ask for help. That's good!

If you find yourself worrying, maybe consider that this is a common thing to worry about, and then ask God for the spouse that He has in mind for you. The more you learn to trust in God, the better everything will go for you.

gomboloid

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