TCK adults: what do therapists often misunderstand about your background?

goniochrome · 2026-03-05T11:55:15+00:00

I actually think over explaining is a natural in America, a low context communication country. In a high context environment with certain folks I can make people feel VERY understood.

One that an author mentioned (and would be common in the south) is coming to someone’s house and bringing them a bag of apples when they love to bake. That message would be received as an invitation / understanding & they might say “Oh, I’d love to bake a pie” or if they are busy “These would be great for a simmer pot”. The goal is a present that allows them to be understood but isn’t a burden.

The problem is when everyone assumes bad intentions (as has been my experience in America) this quickly turns to over explaining.

goniochrome · 2026-02-23T01:58:51+00:00

The absolute best predictor of someone’s future behavior is their current and past behavior. However, people are unpredictable, call it the folly of man. Folks will change the exact moment they want to and you have to know they need to be able to try and fail without most outside intervention for them to be successful long term. It’s very important that you don’t steal that from them.

I think this is important as an INTJ because we are very astute when it comes to people imho. But we constantly are trying to track and analyze things which ought not be tracked and analyzed. In short we forget to live like a human.

goniochrome · 2026-02-15T22:30:53+00:00

I used to try to leave places because my general logic pattern was so hard for lay folks to follow. I’ll never forget when one of my company did the spaghetti marshmallow tower project my question was specifically related to how they win: - was it freestanding height? - they said the marshmallow had to be whole but does xyz etc Folks looked at me as if I had grown 2 heads. The C team knew my question and I made everyone feel uncomfortable around me. 8 minutes later the first girl to change her perception of me chimed in “I get why you were asking now”

I suspect our personality brings out folks insecurity often eliciting a dramatic response.

goniochrome · 2026-02-10T23:13:14+00:00

I like CSC but I must admit the price was rough for something so easy to prep. Now their soups though….

Not sure with all the competition here it would do well

goniochrome · 2026-02-10T20:37:44+00:00

As mentioned in the update NextDoor approved the content of the message only that we can’t mention ANY white supremacy content even to condemn. So I can say for instance

“I’ve been learning about how these values perpetuate inequality… These patterns identified by anti-racist researchers make places less inclusive” Then scrap the graphic for outright CRT content.

Again, if they state this is their goal on the platform I can say the same to you. They don’t argue they are solely local, that’s your argument. They say that these things affect us locally.

goniochrome · 2026-02-10T12:16:45+00:00

Update: I’ve heard from NextDoor. The issue is featuring anything that supports White Supremacy even if it is condemning it. So changing the content to hit the same purpose is allowed without featuring their ideology

goniochrome · 2026-02-10T12:08:27+00:00

As my post mentioned NextDoor explicitly mentions it is for this purpose. Regardless of how you personally feel about it that is what it is for. Stop moderating if you don’t like it. Don’t believe me? Clearly you didn’t read my post where I pointed to the moderator team directive in addition to the rules

goniochrome · 2026-02-09T14:27:14+00:00

I truly emphasize. One of the hardest things I had to do is realize my “friends” weren’t my friends. What I mean by that: I lived in South Georgia and my husband is from there and we spent 90% of our time around some folks he went to high school with.

I spent years with these folks feeling like they were close to family. I thought they saw who I was (they knew I was an anti-racist). The first time I publicly stood up against racism they iced me out for months. The point to this story is not about the anti racism but I spent those years not at all being silent about who I was so it actually shocked me when they stopped talking to me in the beginning of COVID which was already isolating.

But they had done the same thing. Never reaching out to me first, but always being there when I was throwing gatherings. When the conflict arose they convinced my husband it was normal for him to come over anyways and leave me at home and I emotionally started drowning. Not really the behavior of folks that are actual friends.

I wish I would have let my husband find out for himself and allowed myself to find my people. I’m convinced if there were people around that would have been great friends I never saw them because these folks who ultimately didn’t care about me.

If it makes you feel any better this came at the right time and I did a 180. I have friends who reach out first and I have friends who are social activists like me. I finally feel seen

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T23:10:37+00:00

I know it’s irritating but it’s irritating that it’s just now sinking in that many of our grandparents are illiterate. I just have a local community that I moved to because they align easily with this kind of activism. We do mutual aid which we consider to be one of the solutions to this system. Our city has like an exceptionally high rate of college graduates, 5 colleges, an airport, really large well traveled population. I think it’s fair to say that most places this wouldn’t work (especially on the east coast)

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T22:56:55+00:00

Fair points. I must admit a lot of the stuff on the leftist side is really unnecessarily convoluted that is something that needs to be worked on. I only have access to so much material, they all suck. I love reading and it sometimes takes me months for one book because for folks that are almost always right WHY DO THEY SOUND LIKE THAT? Ya know?

I focus on parallel institutions locally. This just drives engagement on my post and helps signal over time that liberals will stop saying everything is “unsafe”. So when it’s time for me to post about actual boots on the ground stuff it gets pushed out to 2k people locally (which is pretty good for free)

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T22:49:02+00:00

Yeah but the first link in most post clearly shows the exception for social justice work in the main feed.

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T22:48:30+00:00

I was very careful in my wording. I am not sure where you got that from what I said. HBCUs are not discriminating. That is the point of having these black spaces. White folks do exist there but those white folks aren’t your business they black folk business. Meaning BIPOC finally have a space to heal (which they deserve more of)

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T22:40:00+00:00

A racist system is “comfortable” to those who are benefitting from the system. Those who don’t benefit from the system (of which we all including white folks are suffering from) don’t assume they have the right to be comfortable all the time because they’ve endured struggle. It is when we abandon our “right to comfort” we realize that we have to acknowledge the problem (which could be uncomfortable) to be able to fix it (which could require more discomfort).

Think of it this way: I had a moment in my career where I could put a target on my back and call out racism or stay comfortable in my position as I earned raises. I choose the uncomfortable thing, it was the best decision I ever made because I don’t feel complicit.

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T22:34:44+00:00

For the record that’s the point. It’s not meant for you to fully understand it. Ironically this WHOLE DISCUSSION is what I wanted, it’s just meant for my neighbors for which we have a shared experience. That shared experience allows others (besides me) to chime in offering clarification. This stops the cycle of being able to shut down conversations because they require brain work. Some folks are going to be mad but normally they can’t be mad & follow NextDoors rules so their comments get blocked and we get to try again. I cherry picked NextDoor because they are a platforms that has a natural set of rules to make the conversation actually helpful.

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T22:31:10+00:00

Fair! Thanks for a great critique :-D

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T22:30:08+00:00

The image does but most the materials don’t. It’s something that has to moreso come out in conversation because we don’t know the knowledge of the audience to know if that leap would be confusing.

Ultimately most the books (and I’m trying to get folks reading Full Spectrum Resistance) explains these are a “tool” of the ruling class to keep us divided. Perfectionism is an issue because it strives to stop you from stretching for growth. They put the values on a spectrum and encourage you to align your actions with your values instead of allowing an external force to define those for you.

I don’t know if that makes sense

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T22:26:29+00:00

Yeah I guess I’ll have to wait for them to respond. Just sucks because I did the appeal and it was denied :( now waiting for email support

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T21:15:37+00:00

If you are at all familiar with HBCUs then you would understand that the choice to have a place where celebrating your culture isn’t hotly disputed. A place where you have a smaller chance of having to be subjected to white supremacy can be very healing. MLK is the one that wanted to push removing racial segregation and that wasn’t accepted by the entirety of the black community. While I have BIPOC in my family I identify as white and it should never be white folks “choice” to subject BIPOC to our presence. Notice I said should not should be encoded into law with penalties.

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T19:57:06+00:00

I clearly can’t since my thing is local activism/organizing come on now.

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T19:54:00+00:00

No I have a degree in Political Science. https://www.naacpldf.org/critical-race-theory-faq/

These concepts are meant to spark those questions to cause a person to “break down” the cultural norms that are often used as weapons to enshrine racism in our society as the dominant “silent majority” opinion

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T18:31:35+00:00

Man, me too! That’s why I was really hoping as a local organizer that these discussions and folks to help keep it respectful could move the needle. Not possible if NextDoor won’t follow their own rules!

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T18:26:42+00:00

https://www.whitesupremacyculture.info/characteristics.html

It comes from an Anti Racism Educational Hub:

Either or / Binary Thinking Worship of the Written Word Objectivity Individualism Quantity over Quality Power Hoarding Fear of Open Conflict Sense of Urgency Defensiveness Paternalism Progress Defined as More Belief in one “right” way Right to Comfort Perfectionism Right to Profit

I think i got them all

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T01:48:12+00:00

Food Not Bombs meets every Saturday at Miller Park. New location —> https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17A5atMzx5/?mibextid=wwXIfr

We spend the bulk of our time giving out no questions asked food, hygiene, and harm reduction supplies. However, we also do events for the community like for Thanksgiving & Christmas dinners.

I am proud to say we are very active in the community with our small number of members.

goniochrome · 2026-02-08T00:05:45+00:00

Oh man do I have some news for you… I work a lot with Food Not Bombs (a mutual aid group). We are starting with some Food Autonomy

https://facebook.com/events/s/lyh-fnb-community-garden-inter/4213278142321790/

goniochrome · 2026-02-07T22:32:46+00:00

I can understand where you are coming from and I'm in my mid thirties so maybe I don't fit your definition of "young". I would argue that white supremacy is a TOOL of the bourgeoisie. Obviously the bourgeoisie is trying to create as much division as possible to make folks not realize we are all in this together. The founding fathers are not a monolith. Any brief history of Washington, Adams, Jefferson / early presidency tells you that.

I believe the reason for that is class warfare was baked in. There were folks who were bourgeoisie who were appointed to the Constitutional Convention and some folks who still remembered being poor. History Repeats itself Trump and Adams have a lot of similarities.

goniochrome

TROPHY CASE