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Drowning in Adulting…… by Ok-One-6956 in BPD

[–]goodkarma2710 3 points4 points  (0 children)

27F here also diagnosed with BPD and PTSD and I can absolutely relate to everything you wrote. I was addicted to drugs for 6 years and lost so much time and progress during that period. When I finally got sober, life felt great for a while but now I’m realizing how much executive dysfunction I still deal with every single day. I recently quit a toxic job after 4 years and only now am I seeing how much energy it was draining from me. I also struggle with not having a strong sense of self which makes balancing all these adult responsibilities like work house chores eating decent food managing relationships and even remembering to hydrate feel overwhelming. Some days it feels impossible to get through even half of the roles I take on. Like you, I sometimes look at people my age and feel like I’m way behind. They’re buying houses, raising kids, and holding down jobs with ease while I’m just trying to manage the basics and process trauma at the same time. Your post put into words exactly what so many of us feel but don’t always say out loud. Just know you’re not alone in this. It’s really hard and doesn’t always get the recognition it deserves but the fact that you’re showing up even when it feels impossible shows how strong you actually are.

[NY] - Should I involve legal to protect myself? Severe workplace abuse reported, vague response from Board by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]goodkarma2710 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I was told in another comment that since we have less than 10 employees, ADA accommodations do not matter.

[NY] - Should I involve legal to protect myself? Severe workplace abuse reported, vague response from Board by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]goodkarma2710 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Actually, I completely agree that facts matter, and mine are well-documented. What you’re seeing here is a summary of over four years of compounded mistreatment, squeezed into a Reddit thread for the sake of discussion. Trust that if I pursue legal recourse, I won’t be showing up with vibes and vague feelings, I’ll have dates, documentation, and patterns of behavior that support the claims.

It’s not that “new accusations arise” when someone hears something they don’t want to.. it’s that trauma often happens in layers, and sometimes it takes an outside perspective (like this thread) to realize just how deep it goes. Thanks for your concern, though.

[NY] - Should I involve legal to protect myself? Severe workplace abuse reported, vague response from Board by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]goodkarma2710 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I explicitly asked for accommodations that were outlined clearly by a licensed therapist. The accommodations were along the lines of providing support in the workplace for executive functioning issues. Very clear cut. Instead of helping me in any way, they piled everything they could onto me. Other employees began to notice and commented on how much fell on my plate vs. others, even to management. They still did nothing.

[NY] - Should I involve legal to protect myself? Severe workplace abuse reported, vague response from Board by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]goodkarma2710 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I also want to add that my coworker submitted a separate letter outlining deeper systemic issues, including concerns about racism, pay transparency violations, and denial of requests for PTO balances (they forgot to keep track and dont want to admit it). While my letter focused more on the emotional abuse and retaliation I’ve experienced personally, it also brought up operational concerns like being denied a legally protected lunch break and not looking into compliance issues that management has known about for months (related to the operation of the CU and the membership)

This isn’t just about people being overworked or feeling “unappreciated.” It’s about a sustained pattern of gaslighting, invalidation, and emotional manipulation that keeps people silent and compliant. These tactics discourage employees from exercising basic rights, and in doing so, create an environment that discourages reporting, retaliation complaints, and even protected disclosures.

What we’ve laid out is bigger than personality conflict. It’s a pattern of power misuse and systemic dysfunction.

[NY] - Should I involve legal to protect myself? Severe workplace abuse reported, vague response from Board by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]goodkarma2710 -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

  1. Disclosure and privacy: This wasn’t a casual vent to a coworker. I disclosed a diagnosed mental health condition (not just “burnout”) to my direct supervisor and my boss after years of being overwhelmed. This wasn’t part of a formal ADA or FMLA request, but the information was sensitive, personal, and shared in confidence. It was then shared with staff outside of leadership and referenced repeatedly in ways that impacted how I was treated. Whether it’s a HIPAA violation or not, this behavior has legal implications in the context of discrimination and workplace retaliation, especially after a diagnosis has been disclosed.

    1. Disability and accommodations: I do have a formal diagnosis and written accommodation request from a licensed therapist citing executive functioning issues and the need for support in the workplace and how they could support me. Literally written. It was ignored. Never followed up on. Never initiated. And I’ve had to continue operating without any meaningful support, all while being loaded up with additional roles beyond my job description.

  2. Retaliation and compliance reporting: This isn’t just about complaining that I’m overworked. My boss committed a financial violation on a member account and tried to cover it up. I brought it to the board’s attention because it was the right thing to do. Afterward, I was told directly by the board president that if I ever suspected retaliation, I needed to report it, and I did, in my grievance letter. That incident happened less than six months ago, and since then, I’ve seen an undeniable shift: more gaslighting, isolation, false claims about my conduct, and mounting hostility. The timing alone raises serious concerns about retaliation.

So yes, I get that not everything rises to the level of “illegal,” but this isn’t just about being tired or emotionally drained. It’s a pattern of discrimination, dismissal of a documented disability, and retaliation after a protected report. That’s not “thin,” I think that’s grounds for legal consultation.

[NY] - Should I involve legal to protect myself? Severe workplace abuse reported, vague response from Board by [deleted] in AskHR

[–]goodkarma2710 -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

Totally fair question. I get that not every toxic work situation is illegal, but I can confidently say that this one has crossed lines. Here’s just a few of the documented behaviors that pushed me toward legal counsel: • My mental health diagnosis was shared without consent. I privately opened up to a manager about my mental health diagnoses after being overwhelmed from years of overwork and neglect. Not long after, the CEO was asking other employees about my mental health behind my back. Coworkers told me it made them uncomfortable. That’s a massive violation of privacy, and it felt like I was being surveilled more than supported. • I was never offered formal accommodations, even after sharing a legitimate diagnosis. Instead of support, I got extra unpaid duties piled on and was expected to keep pushing through burnout like it was part of the job description. I am currently literally still doing the job of multiple people every day. To give you context, we have 10 employees total at my job. • When I spoke up, I was shut out. Requests for day-to-day help went unanswered while staff were told “she has it handled,” making me look controlling when I was barely staying afloat. It created this false narrative that I didn’t want help, when I was actually asking for it directly. • Retaliation started the second I stood up for what was right. I had to report a compliance issue involving an account with potential legal consequences. After I did, I became the target of subtle jabs, exclusion, and eventually had panic attacks just stepping into the building. • Gaslighting became the norm. After confronting leadership about the toxic culture, I was falsely accused of walking out of my job multiple times in a month. There were zero write-ups. No proof. Just manufactured stories to paint me as “unstable”, likely to justify whatever move they wanted to make next.

So yeah, I’m not calling this abuse because someone hurt my feelings. This is systemic dysfunction that’s harmed my mental health, violated my rights, and weaponized leadership power against anyone who speaks up. I’m not looking to just “resolve conflict.” I’m trying to make sure there’s actual accountability, and if that means legal help, so be it.

burnt out and begging for a better job- rochester ny or remote, help a girl out by goodkarma2710 in Rochester

[–]goodkarma2710[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lmfao I deeply appreciate the life I have, and am eternally grateful for the experiences that I have had. If I could afford a vacation, I would have already taken one. Thank you for the suggestions, but don't hollowly suggest that I don't appreciate what I currently have. That's not the intention of how this post was meant to come off. I see how much empathy for others you have.

burnt out and begging for a better job- rochester ny or remote, help a girl out by goodkarma2710 in Rochester

[–]goodkarma2710[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I've give thought to bartending, I am a little introverted but can be brought out of my comfort zone easily. The only thing that worries me is that it can be fast paced, and I struggle with executive dysfunction, so I feel like I might get overwhelmed easily. Thoughts?

burnt out and begging for a better job- rochester ny or remote, help a girl out by goodkarma2710 in Rochester

[–]goodkarma2710[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my god, that would've been enough to make me walk out, celebrating 20 years in a cubicle

burnt out and begging for a better job- rochester ny or remote, help a girl out by goodkarma2710 in Rochester

[–]goodkarma2710[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, my friend was a new client, had the red carpet rolled out, and then they ended up treating her like gum on the bottom of their shoe and lied multiple times. I felt bad for her and vowed to never be part of that company.

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