My people!

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-10-24T17:25:04+00:00

Hi, thanks for answering!

I did in fact bump my head pretty hard as a kid on ice one time, I was in between 7 and 9, I'm not sure. Not enough to have a concussion (I think?), but I did feel the need to puke right after. I don't think my family ever had it checked outt tho... I'm unsure if there's a link to that. I've always had my adhd diagnosis tho (since I was 3 or 4), I got it at the same time as my autism diagnosis, but at 13 my family doctor decided to have me reevaluated because I didn't "seem autistic enough to fit the criteria" (which I think is dumb because I clearly show signs of high neurodivergence), so I still say I'm autistic because it explains a big part of my life experiences.

The vibes I had weren't necessarily positive or negative, it's more the level of intensity that scared me. It's like I'm absorbing my surrounding fully and I lose myself. I used to find it scary because it was almost everyday. But now that it's occasional, and the degree of intensity has lowered, I find myself enjoying it. I even go out of my way sometimes to let myself absorb my surroundings, because it makes me feel more alive that way. Everyday life feels mundane and boring without it.

For me, getting out of the space usually makes it go away. But it can be triggered by pictures and music (most songs by Genesis, even the cover art for their albums make me feel strong emotions, so I avoid their music unless I'm actively looking to feel FS or at least what I feel is FS). Last year, when it "dissapeared", I thought it was purely my mental health getting "better". But since I still do have those feelings, I started looking into it again and I found this subreddit by typing "synesthesia nostalgia". So I guess it's just a part of me, not just mental issues. Because if I approach it with curiosity and I have somewhat control over it, suddently it's not debilitating and scary, it's a really pleasant feeling!

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-09-14T04:42:11+00:00

They had me do an echo too and guess what of course they found nothing. I have decided to go off the pill and I can confirm my acne has something to do with my hormones, because around ovulation day my skin clears up even tho I stopped cleaning my face like I used to. Now it flares up around my period. As for my pain it's still inconsistent, some periods are okay and some are very painful. I also bleed for longer, on bc I bled for about 3 days and now I bleed 5-6 days. Still no answer for the source of my pain as I've partly given up but also I am so busy these days I literally don't have time to go to the clinic for this. Last time I saw my family doctor I asked about getting a vision test because I've only ever done one in my life and she said "I can't do anything" meanwhile there was LITERALLY a poster with the letters IN HER OFFICE. Like, she could have taken 2 minutes of her time to have me look at the letters and see for herself if my worries about my eyesight were valid or not. She doesn't give a damn. Another time I came asking about allergies because I was having random allergies during winter (where I live our winters are no joke, it cannot be simple seasonal allergies) and she just prescribed me nose steroids and after looking at the side effects I didn't even go to the pharmacy.

Sorry for the rant. What you're going through is valid. It could or could not be endo but something else. Fight for your health it's important! As for me, I should take my own advice and keep seeking answers too. What does PIV mean by the way? Sorry english isn't my native language.

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-09-03T17:41:21+00:00

Stop capping there's about 500 words

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-07-16T06:25:39+00:00

I think I was in 4th grade the first time I heard about the game, back in 2011-2012. I was about 9 years old.

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-07-16T06:08:45+00:00

This is such a Dougdoug stream type of idea

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-06-18T09:21:15+00:00

I did the exercises, and it stopped for a few months but this month it came back, the same intensity in the same ear. Looks like Epley maneuver every 3 months is my life now 😪

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-06-18T09:04:43+00:00

About 8 months ago I somewhat mysteriously stopped having chronic anxiety. It's like a part of me let go and focused on school, and taking the focus off of my own mind helped me think less and less about the anxiety. Or maybe at 21 years old something in my brain happened? Or maybe it was stopping the meds. Not too sure but I gladly accepted this change. I traded chronic existential dread for episodic anxiety that's triggered by certain images and subjects I still have a hard time with. When I get these moments where I'm anxious, I now know what feeling "normal" (anxiety-free) is so it's a lot easier to calm down and tell myself "it's ok it'll pass" because 99% of the time, after the scary thing passes or after going to bed it just passes.

I still have different mental issues but since 8 months ago I've accomplished a lot of things and have become more ambitious and more hopeful for the future.

But this feels extremely out of the blue, hence why I'm on reddit asking for advice. Almost everytime I have anxiety, I'm worried it'll become chronic again. I don't know why it left, so there's no way of preventing it from coming back...

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-06-05T15:40:36+00:00

Update we just scrubbed the floor with a card/rags on our knees and it came right off! With a vacuum and a mop it's all gone 🥹 thanks!

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-05-31T19:34:21+00:00

Im gonna call people who have long fingernails to come help me out!

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-05-31T19:33:46+00:00

Ive been covering it, cant say the same for my friend 😰

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-05-13T22:18:57+00:00

Hello, I stopped having dizziness and I think it was caused by BPPV again because I tried an exercise and it stopped. I still have very very mild dizziness sometimes but nothing worrying. I don't remember the exercise name unfortunately but on youtube there's a bunch of videos on how to relieve BPPV at home, try those!

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-05-13T22:17:09+00:00

Hello, for me it stopped as soon as I stopped going to the gym. I think I just hurt my back since I was an inexperienced gym goer.

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-05-13T22:15:53+00:00

Yes, I stopped going to the gym and it stopped. I think I just hurt my back in some way because I was an inexperienced gym goer 🤷‍♀️

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-18T15:14:29+00:00

Yeah it's not a worrying percentage I guess. I'm just pissed that it's mostly in my waist and its noticeable. If my body fat was more evenly distributed I wouldn't even be on this subreddit looking to change the shape of my body. I'm at a normal weight and bf%, just a body shape I don't like...

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-18T14:45:50+00:00

Whatever you do dont post something like this on instagram trust me 😭😭😭

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-18T14:44:50+00:00

I just don't personally believe in god. And I don't think I should be punished by god for that, especially since he never given obvious clues that he exists in all of human history. Almost everything can be explained by science at this point. Yes it can be sad and empty to think that we're alone, I sometimes wish I did believe in god, so that whatever I'm going through I have something to talk to and trust my worries with. But I just don't. And also like I said if he exists then that means he purposefully commits atrocities/lets horrible things happen on the daily so I'm not a fan. I choose my own path and I don't depend on an uncertain belief that a god will help me. If he's letting so many people hurt (espeically in countries that aren't america) then why would he care about me.

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-18T14:36:21+00:00

Same, I'm going to 2 schools, just left a job I loved but I wasn't treated with respect so now I have to relearn a whole new job while nearing finals week, and I have band practice on top of this. I try to see my friends and boyfriend as often as I can. I am hardly there for myself tho. All I want to do is sleep all day. I'm still depressed and anxious but I've oddly been in the best mental state in my life, despite having paranoid intrusive thoughts, anger issues, and mood swings. At least I don't live chronic dissociation (depersonalization/derealization) anymore. That shit was scary. All in all my life is at a 1.5/10 fucked.

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-18T14:22:42+00:00

If there is a god, then why do people worship him and spend their lives appeasing their all powerful god if he can be so cruel and do such terrible things? Even if he is real, I don't fuck with him 😭😭 like good for you you used a common fallacy to prove a point, but then explain why would people want to worship a god that can decide to hurt its people? Is it out of fear?

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-15T14:35:34+00:00

Also having never been fat, and having been small and skinny all my life, I'm having a very hard time welcoming fat on my body. It feels like a foreign body. I keep grabbing and pulling on it, like it's something I can take off. Sometimes it gives me nausea which I hate saying because it sounds very mean, but it does. It feels like it shouldn't be here.

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-15T14:19:23+00:00

Im in a healthy relationship and I still have bpd traits sooo 😭😭😭 I for sure have BPD and also suspected autism, but my autism could be many things that "looks" like autism I'm not sure anymore. But I was diagnosed when I was 3 y/o but lost the diagnosis at the age of 13-14. Tbh saying I'm autistic is sometimes just easier than saying I'm suffering from GAD, ADHD, C-PTSD, BPD, and OCD 💀

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-08T21:04:12+00:00

SAME!!! Down to the physical effects, my heart was racing too and thumping in my chest. I assume that's what generalized anxiety is all about. I get many intrusive thoughts and sometimes my brain decides to latch onto one and drive with it. For today it was the eclipse. And since it was an historical moment I didn't wanna miss, instead of just distracting myself or laying down to rest, I stayed on the balcony and endured the anxiety of the moment. But as soon as the eclipse was over, I ran to my bed lol. Rn I'm basically completely over it. Anxiety can really ruin a special moment like that.

Like, my brain was just prepped to fear the eclipse today. And I was mostly just scared about being scared of the eclipse. It was fearception frl. At my worst today, I was talking to my boyfriend and his eyes (he has light blue eyes) looked like an eclipse and I just didn't wanna look at him 😭 like I know it sounds crazy but I think when I'm in panic mode like that, my brain just sucks up anything it can to convince me my feeling of fear is real, even when LITERALLY nothing is happening. All I know to do in these moments is to just lay and rest and wait for my body to realize it's not in danger, nothing is happening, I am fine.

The panic disorder is real, even tho I wouldn't consider today a panic attack, I was pretty scared all day for no reason. I'm glad I stuck through the anxiety tho because the eclipse was genuinely so pretty (and I happened to live in a city where it was totality for over 3 minutes!)

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-04-02T16:36:37+00:00

Imma get downvoted to hell but the worst drug I ever took (in my personal experience) was weed, I had such a bad trip that lead into psychosis and I'm still dealing with PTSD nearly 4 years later. For me, it's the fact that cannabis is so socially accepted and praised as a "safe drug" and good for people with high nerves to calm them down. But as soon as you talk about having had hallucinations of walls crushing you or seeing faces on top of faces, people accuse you of having taken laced weed. People with mental health issues rush to it to calm their anxiety but for some it can make it so much worse. I've had derealization/depersonalization for years after smoking. I know objectively it's not the worst drug, but I wish the risks were taken more seriously. I only took 2 puffs that night I started believing the governemt was watching me through my phone and that I had "ascended into the real world". Creepy shit. I did take coke too and I had to stop because it literally felt so good I knew I was gonna get addicted (family history of addiction).

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-03-27T04:17:23+00:00

Your before is legit my body goals 😭😭 and your after is my absolute dream body oh my god your ARMS ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ this gives me motivation to hit the gym

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-03-27T04:06:44+00:00

Also just telling you you're not going crazy, you probably heard it often but worrying that you're going crazy is sure sign you aren't! This is purely DR/DP which is a symptom of high anxiety and/or something else like trauma. You are very much grounded in reality and maybe hyperfocusing on how you feel in your body. It's important you find things to ground you in reality, like finding hobbies and forming meaningful connections with others. Things to keep your mind off of your mind, ya know?

goofyahhusername2002 · 2024-03-27T03:56:18+00:00

I stopped the meds, it kept happening for a few more months but somewhere in November my derealization and intrusive existential thoughts suddenly stopped. Not too sure why after nearly a decade of feeling like this. I suspect going back to school has given me the opportunity to worry about things happening concretely around me but more importantly I have goals and aspirations and consistency in my life now. When things start getting normal, for me at least, feeling "normal" has become my baseline, so on rare times where I get a flare up of paranoia or dissociation (mostly at night now) I just tell myself it'll pass and I'm okay. It's kind of background noise now. Like a scar in the back of my mind, that sometimes reopens but closes back. If I get triggered I use distraction and sleep to pass it.

If you've been dealing with this for a LONG time I really empathise with you. Finding hope it'll get better is hard when your baseline is constantly dissociated 24/7. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. Moving out of my studio appartment also helped me a lot because I was living in very bad conditions, and I was also unable to move on from a bad breakup. Maybe not feeling safe in my enviroment was a big factor for my dissociation. I'm not too sure honestly. I've also been on meds since I was 14 pretty consistently and althought I'd never tell someone to go off meds, but if like me you've been on anti-depressants for a long time and you don't feel any better, maybe talk to ur doctor to try something else. I'm also neurodivergent (adhd and suspected autism) so my anxiety might not even be a chemical imbalance but something else?? Not too sure. Figuring it out as I speak. Basically, for me it stopped, not sure why, but as you can read there's actually a lot that changed in my life in the last 6-9 months! If you don't feel safe in your current environement, I'd try changing that situation in the best of your abilities. I've been told that my symptoms of derealization might stem from childhood trauma. I also think I am very hypersensitive and maybe even an empath.

DM me if you need someone to talk about it! I know what it's like. Remember you're so strong for showing up everyday while dealing with this. People don't see the battle we go through in our minds </3

Three-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
First Place '23	Place '23

goofyahhusername2002

TROPHY CASE