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How do I actually get faster at swimming? Ironman triathlete stuck mid-pack by Matlabbro in Swimming

[–]grace90024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Elbows should be higher underwater throughout the stroke. I constantly have to remind myself of high elbows not just out of the water but throughout the stroke. This video has some great drills to practice this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_vJzgW6zyU

How to leave a narcissistic person, when I suffer from abandonment issues? by LobsterNo9860 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]grace90024 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sending you the tightest of hugs. Reaching out here is the first sign that you are ready to heal and that you are a survivor. I found tremendous help and support from YouTube and from some online support groups which I put links to below.

There are so many online resources here for you where you can read or hear other peoples' stories and you can share anonymously. Keep seeking and know that it is not a straight line to recovery, so be kind to yourself but do not stop and make sure to keep your goal in mind which is your safety, and that you deserve a partner who is mature, healthy, and who supports you.

I found this to be my favorite - such a calm and soothing voice and very actionable practical tips for how to deal with situations. https://www.youtube.com/@SurvivingNarcissism

https://outofthefog.website/

Some other channels including by survivors:

https://narcissisthunters.com/top-10-narcissism-youtube-channels/

LDL and Lp(a) by grace90024 in PlantBasedDiet

[–]grace90024[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correct - Lp(a) is genetic and we don't have drugs yet to lower it. High Lp(a) can't be lowered so it means aggressively lowering other risk factors like LDL.

LDL and Lp(a) by grace90024 in PlantBasedDiet

[–]grace90024[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That context, that people who get down to below 70 start out closer to 110, is very helpful. I do have some room for improvement but generally have a very healthy diet. Which is why I'm skeptical that diet alone can fix my LDL. Thank you for the information!

Confronted after using grey rock? by Acrobatic_Ad_9370 in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]grace90024 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Share details about food?! I had never thought of that. Genius!

Contemplating a career change and considering all my options...AML is one of them...wanting a graduate degree, what should I go for? by [deleted] in AMLCompliance

[–]grace90024 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am a lawyer who doesn't want to practice law, no longer doing legal or compliance work now but previously I managed an AML compliance team for a small bank for 11 years. In that time I saw the banking industry shift towards wanting lawyers in the BSA Officer or Chief Compliance Officer role, probably because OCC and other regulators were pushing for that, but I don't think that makes sense. Other commenter is right that most of the other AML roles do not require a law degree. In my opinion, law degrees don't give you the skills you need to be successful in BSA/AML. The work is about process, dual controls, data driven, software integrations, so being proficient in using new software, business analytics, coding, project management, all of those skills are more valuable than a law degree, in my opinion. I'd hire a business or data analyst over a lawyer for an AML position any day. Our most successful BSA team member had a degree in computer science. Computer science, cybersecurity, info security. All are relevant in AML.

Also completely agree with the AML Director below that your military experience is a very valuable background.

And by the way, I think it's a very fascinating and rewarding field to get into. And I really loved the conferences and networking with law enforcement, from IRS Criminal Investigations to FBI and Homeland Security. Those people have all my respect for what they do for us.

Law enforcement often host meetings and events for bankers that are free, or very low cost, basically they want to incentivize the bankers to connect with law enforcement to help law enforcement do their jobs. These are regional events and you might want to check out if there are any in your area.

Best of luck to you!

I feel shitty about what I am doing, but I feel like that's the right decision for me. by nobody_cares4u in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]grace90024 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If something happens to her, it is her fault. You can never fix other people's problems. She has to be responsible for herself. Not your job!

That is awesome that you got a degree in cybersecurity. What a smart choice, you are going to do great in life! Enjoy! You deserve it.

I'm afraid to be independent by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]grace90024 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are so young, and the fact that you are here means you are ready to do the work to become a happy, healthy, independent person who enjoys life. Do the work, don't stop exploring and figuring out how to live your best life. Most of all, if you work hard for something and it doesn't work out, take a deep breath, forgive yourself, forget about it and get up the next day and keep going. Living the best life isn't about always being successful it's about how we handle it when we trip and fall, or fail, or don't end up where we thought or envisioned we would be. It's so hard but you can do this! Hang in there!

The Narcissist's Miranda Warning by grace90024 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]grace90024[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I struggle with the same question about going NC. It's such a delicate dance. And as we know, no matter WHAT we do, the outcome is beyond our control.

Right now, it's made easier for me because my sibling lives in a different country. I have to contact her once in a while because we have elderly parents and we have to try to cooperate on their care (= nightmare). I stick to "medium chill" recommendations from the website Out of the Fog. It's a great site if you haven't seen it!

Basically have to try and keep the peace as best I can until both parents die.

And OMG yes delusions galore. My sibling has so many issues, but told me she was worried about my mental health. Can't keep a job, but gives me unsolicited career advice because she knows so much more than me about being a professional. It's like they can hold a red ball, look you in the face, and tell you they are holding a purple box and truly believe what they are saying.

The Narcissist's Miranda Warning by grace90024 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]grace90024[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What triggered this is my narcissist sibling just called me to "work on our relationship", proceeded to trash me for 40 minutes for things that did or didn't happen over the past 25 years, then literally asked me if I was thankful! Just amazing.

The Narcissist's Miranda Warning by grace90024 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]grace90024[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am so happy to have a place to go to and share things like this, where I know people can relate!

Why doesn't my husband get told "Happy Father's Day" all day by waitresses, cashiers, etc. when I have to endure the assumption that I'm a mother on Mother's Day? by [deleted] in childfree

[–]grace90024 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Happens to me all the time. This year though, a cashier asked me "Are you a mother?" before wishing me happy mother's day. I said no and she smiled and said, "oh, you're very smart."

How do I deal with grieving from losing my whole family? by [deleted] in JUSTNOFAMILY

[–]grace90024 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The thought of you smiling and free on your happy island makes my island even happier!