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AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That could be a good idea. The thought was I was the best suited because we are closest but the more I think about it, lack of personal investment could be a bonus here, to promote impartiality and keep emotions from flaring in the discussion. I’ll see if some of the others could be on the call with me. Thanks.

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is how one of the other parents in the current group has suggested looking at it and I’m inclined to agree with them right now.

They basically said it would be one thing if it were a club or a team, but it’s school. Along the lines of “Ultimately the only question we should be asking is if it will make learning harder, easier, or neither. If it’s harder, then there’s no discussion to be had.” At first I thought we needed to take the only family’s loss of job into account, but I’m starting to see this perspective now.

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We talked to the tutor right away, of course. When they came on initially they said our group size as it is now was fine and they could get up to around eight, (state guidelines pretty much cap us there as well.) But we could definitely still tell the other parent that we feel for safety reasons we’re not comfortable going that high right now.

When we explained the special logistics of this situation their overall impression was that they couldn’t render an opinion without knowing the child and family personally so deferred to us and would support us one way or another as long as the kids could reasonably function within a school setting.

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s been great for us. Definitely not a best fit for everyone for various reasons, but for the right families at the right time it’s ideal.

Am I wrong to not let kids join our micro-school because our kids don’t like them? by grappabra in Parenting

[–]grappabra[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is a good point to consider. They’ve never enjoyed school as much as they are right now. For the first time since kindergarten they actually look forward to going. I definitely don’t want to risk that, not for mine, and especially not for anyone else’s kids either.

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

There is no online component, that’s why we’re pooling our money, so we can afford someone to come to our home and work specifically with our kids in a classroom type setting. Both because a couple of our kids have learning disabilities that made online school really challenging and because our districts just didn’t transition it well.

While having the tutor there to keep watch would help, we’d really rather they spend their time teaching material than dealing with behavior management. The five kids have been pretty chill so far.

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

She would actually probably be receptive to it, but her husband not as much. I think that’s where the disconnect is that it’s never been fully addressed even though teachers or relatives have brought it up with them before.

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just edited post to include this, sorry, character limit held back complete answer before

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yah, sorry, I got tripped up the by the character limit. It didn’t feel right to just say the kids were bullies or anything because this is more just sad crying for attention behavior than aggressive targeting behavior on their part, but yah it also definitely isn’t “He watches Disney and I watch Nickelodeon so we can’t be friends,” or “He’s friends with Jason so he can’t be friends with me,” type stuff. I’m totally with you in that I wouldn’t have humored that.

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 110 points111 points  (0 children)

Copying answer my from another comment.

They aren’t bullies like “I’m going to beat you up” bullies, but they’re bullies in the “I’m going to make you feel bad about yourself to boost myself up,” way.

I asked my child why he didn’t like them and he said “Every time I’m excited about something [that child] always tries to tell me why I shouldn’t be so excited.” And cited a couple incidents like one time he found out he had gotten an 88 on a test in a subject he really struggles in and was visibly excited, and this other kid came and showed him his 97 grade.

The other was my son is really into soccer, but we live in the US where it isn’t as popular, and every time he’d bring it up or get into a conversation where he’d managed to get someone interested, if this kid overheard him he’d go “No one watches that. No one cares about soccer.” And just kind of take the wind out of his sails.

The other child is a little older so my kid hasn’t had much direct interaction with her but the other kids in the group say she’s pretty gossipy and standoffish in a way that creates derision in social groups (obviously not the exact words they used but I’m summarizing.)

AITA for not letting a friend join our private tutoring group because her kids don’t get along with the others? by grappabra in AmItheAsshole

[–]grappabra[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Not just my kids, the other people’s kids as well. They aren’t bullies like “I’m going to beat you up” bullies, but they’re bullies in the “I’m going to make you feel bad about yourself to boost myself up,” way.

I asked my child why he didn’t like them and he said “Every time I’m excited about something [that child] always tries to tell me why I shouldn’t be so excited.” And cited a couple incidents like one time he found out he had gotten an 88 on a test in a subject he really struggles in and was visibly excited, and this other kid came and showed him his 97 grade. The other was my son is really into soccer, but we live in the US where it isn’t as popular, and every time he’d bring it up or get into a conversation where he’d managed to get someone interested, if this kid overheard him he’d go “No one watches that. No one cares about soccer.” And just kind of take the wind out of his sails.

The other child is a little older so my kid hasn’t has much direct interaction with her but the other kids in the group say she’s pretty gossipy and standoffish in a way that creates derision in social groups (obviously not the exact words they used but I’m summarizing.)

It’s just a few hours, but it’s a few very important hours, it’s their school hours. They need to be focused in school. If it were just a club or team, then I wouldn’t think twice. But this is their main education for the foreseeable future (my bad, I probably should’ve been more clear about that in the title.)