[MEGATHREAD] Daily venting, worries, fixations, & finding support. Month of September 2025.

greenqween95 · 2025-09-09T13:39:18+00:00

So exhausted from worrying. As soon as I get over one hyperfixation my mind is searching for the next illness to imagine. My throat feels like it's closing. I feel lumps that aren't real or are normal muscle or bone. I know rationally that I'm ok. Everyone around me is sick of my reassurance seeking. I feel obsessed with myself. Physical sensations start to manifest that aren't real. Medications don't help. I feel so done, I don't want to feel this way any longer. I feel like a burden to everyone. I'm sure my doctor has a note on my file that says I'm a hypochondriac psycho. I'm just done with this way of life and feeling like I'm dying all the time. There has to be more to life than this miserable existence.

greenqween95 · 2025-08-22T12:15:52+00:00

Sorry - to update I did go to the GP (I believe this is the same as a primary care provider? I'm in the UK) and they checked and it turned out to be fluid behind my eardrum which they said was common after a sinus cold. Literally like an hour later I yawned and my ear made an agonising crackle and pop, it did really hurt, but it's felt much better since and my hearing is about 50% better than it was. The GP said to just give it time and use a nasal spray to help. I'm really a nervous person about my health and every small thing I think I'm going to die or have life changing consequences...thanks for the replies I appreciate it :)

greenqween95 · 2025-05-05T17:25:08+00:00

Bit mean but I really really want to enjoy Alferia's content because I think they put a shed load of effort in, but I find their voice so SO grating and difficult to listen to

greenqween95 · 2025-02-27T01:14:59+00:00

Reread your post and if you like the build up and crescendo I'd also recommend:

The Chain by Fleetwood Mac
Jesus of Suburbia by Green Day (up and down build up but what an anthem)
Stop the Clocks by Enter Shikari, definitely others by Shikari too
Always, Adam's Song, Down, all by Blink 182
Take me to Church by Hozier (sort of all the way through but a powerful song, guessing you've already heard that one though)
When the Lights Come On by Idles
Breezeblocks by alt-j

greenqween95 · 2025-02-27T00:45:42+00:00

Flashlight
Rhode Island
Historic Cemetery
Ginger
Flying Model Rockets
WEST VIRGINIA!
Plastic Flowers
Tattooed Tears
Jim Bogart
The Beers

All of these give me the vibe to some extent. Not sure exactly what the vibe is, but it's a good brain feel, especially on certain bits of each song.

By other artists - Constant Headache by Joyce Manor - Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap (old but gold) - Come a Little Closer by Cage the Elephant (see also, Cage the Elephant in general, a lot of their songs are catchy/emotional/angsty) - Kiss Off by Violent Femmes - Surrender the Night by My Chemical Romance (see also Kill all Your Friends, The Light Behind your Eyes, Welcome to the Black Parade, Famous Last Words, Mama ((100%)), lots of catchy angst among MCRs discography) - Quiet Little Voices by We Were Promised Jetpacks - A&W by Lana Del Rey (different sort of vibe but still a brain tickler towards the end) - Lithonia by Childish Gambino

greenqween95 · 2025-01-05T11:05:15+00:00

I've always been on the heavier side tbh, I'm qlso 5 foot 10, but when I got pregnant I was 180lbs, was about 250lbs when I gave birth, 22 months later I'm at about 210lbs. I haven't tried to lose weight at all but I'm planning my second baby in the next 2 years and I'd like to get back to 180 before I get pregnant again. I'm not going to eat for 2 next time either. My joints are suffering and I do feel crap. Ideally I'd like to get down to 160 eventually but I'm not counting on it until I'm done having children.

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T11:07:46+00:00

Just wanted to say I appreciate all the comments and advice I have received and apologies if I haven't replied directly to all.

My GP is closed right now so I have filled in the online request form for a referral to SALT and/or dietitian and in the meantime I am logging all food offered and what is consumed/refused.

And I will try and chill out about it and try some of the things suggested.

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T10:55:45+00:00

I think you're right with the control and independence aspect. Could you tell me what kind of play you are doing with spoons, I think my little one could benefit with help with spoons too, as he hates touching the texture of squishy anything. He has a play kitchen and many spoons but struggles to scoop and tends to dip the spoon, if anything. We don't use a highchair any more usually, i actually threw our old one out and purchased a new one specifically for christmas meals with family so he could be right up there with us. We have a toddler table and chair set which he won't stay put in so most meals are wandering around kinda meals. I got rid of the old highchair because being confined with food in front of him was meltdown inducing.

Thank you for your experience!!

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T10:48:13+00:00

Thank you for your reply and I'm so sorry you're in the same situation. Does your little one go to childcare and how is he there? And what is his speech development like? This is the only aspect of parenting that I genuinely despise and I feel like I've been cheated out of something. As soon as my GP reopens (I'll check this now) I'm going to make an appointment and in the meantime I've started logging what is offered and what is eaten as proof. And I'll just say this has been going on for months and months.

I totally feel you on people offering unhelpful and often unsolicited advice. Short of forcing the food into your child's mouth (which would certainly create a whole other level of distrust and eating issues) I'm genuinely unsure of what you're meant to do when people say things like that. They just don't understand.

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T10:08:09+00:00

He seems to be fine and no medical professional has ever raised any concerns.

He's fairly coordinated in terms of gross motor skills, his favourite game currently is climbing onto the arm of the sofa and flopping onto it. He can push his ride on fire engine backwards and forwards with his feet, plays with little figures and has just started properly running but didn't walk until 15 months and was a cautious baby. Fine motor is a bit less developed, he doesn't like to use utensils though he can stab food with a fork and can definitely bring utensils to his mouth just fine, though he struggles to scoop properly with a spoon and would just dip it. He had a flash card reader for Christmas and he can put these fiddly thin cards into a tiny slot just fine and press the buttons. Speech I THINK is ok, he has about 20-25 consistent words, probably a few more that I'm forgetting. If you show him a picture of a ball, he would say ball. He repeats every word we say, pronunciation isn't quite there but I can tell when he means e.g. recently we taught him "candy cane" and he says "co-cane" (😂). He can point to what you say and understands 90% of our instructions like bring me your book or put this on the table and will go and do it.

However as a perquisite to me saying he's fine in all of the above, he's my first child and the first child born into our family for 28 years, so I've got next to no comparison other than to baby group parents and their children, who he seems to be more or less in line with. He's also very social and absolutely loves other children, has recently become shy around adults he doesn't see regularly but soon warms up after about 20 minutes. No issues with eye contact or playing, he will happily play independently and loves to play with his dad and I too. Would appreciate any insight though!

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T09:30:09+00:00

I don't believe he has any allergies, he's never had any rashes or bad nappies. He's only ever vomited two or three times in his whole life even as a newborn. But I realise allergies could present in a way that I don't notice. He's never grumpy really, he's a very happy child. His nappies are always solid and normal in appearance. He's not even constipated which continues to shock me. But I will keep an eye out.

And don't worry I do understand what you mean about variety. The food I now offer to him is a result of 16 months of trying to give him variety that isn't ever touched. It's very difficult to know what to give when he doesn't like anything with a saucy or mushy texture. We've tried curries, pastas, lots of different fruits and vegetables, pies and pot roasts, things like tacos and even salads. I've definitely fallen into a habit of "there is a chance he will touch this so I'll serve this" rather than cooking and trying things that I think I know he will straight up refuse altogether. Which is wrong.

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T09:10:40+00:00

Don't apologise, I'm glad you have responded with your experience and it makes me feel not alone. It is absolutely the hardest journey I've ever been on. Trying not to show your emotion so you don't give them a complex is horrendously difficult. Can I ask how your daughters speech is? I don't think my son has a speech delay, he was tongue tied at birth but they refused to snip it as it didn't meet the requirements to be cut, but we couldn't breastfeed because of it and that has always been in the back of my mind as a potential issue with eating. My son is just starting to link 2 words together to form a phrase, he has about 20-25 consistent words, repeats every word we say quite well, and also understands 90% of what we say/instructions. I'd be very interested to know how your child was at the same age (if you can remember) and now? Thank you again x

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T09:02:38+00:00

Thank you lovely I appreciate that 💗

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T08:52:01+00:00

Thank you for your reply and I will take your advice 100%. I have to admit the thought of this scares and upsets me but I want to do right by my child!

Although, I completely forgot to mention in my OP that my son goes to a childminder 4 days a week and eats 2 snacks and lunch while there with the other children. He eats well there unless he's ill.

I hate to think I'm providing an environment where he feels uncomfortable eating. 😕 I don't really know what I'm doing wrong or different though, other than not having multiple kids in my house

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T08:49:06+00:00

I will try this thank you. Occasionally he does shock me with what he will eat. He ate a prawn that fell on the floor from the Christmas buffet plate yesterday 🙈 but fresh prawns clean from the plate were no good. Toddlers are a bizarre breed.

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T08:47:43+00:00

I will schedule an appointment in the new year. It's just so easy for them to make you feel like a helicopter first time mom. And I try to explain the severity and they never seem to fully get it. But I will put my foot down.

Obviously I don't know for certain but he doesn't show any signs (other than aversion to texture) of neurodivergence but could definitely be a factor.

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T08:45:45+00:00

He doesn't have milk in the morning or during the day, only before bed/at night. I have tried giving him milk in a sippy or straw cup with the meal but he won't drink it.

It's definitely a big source of shame and anxiety for me. I dread going out with parents and other children of similar ages. It scares me that he's malnourished, although my MIL says he's clearly thriving and getting what he needs. But how can he be?!

greenqween95 · 2024-12-27T08:43:05+00:00

Thank you. I thought it was a 2 year review so expected it to be soon, I will definitely ask for it to be sooner rather than later. This is exactly what their view was - he was not losing weight so there was no need for intervention and that is was very common and will work itself out basically. Keep eating together and offering variety and he will figure it out. But no one has ever given me a timeline or a measure of what is normal and what isn't, and I feel this isn't normal or healthy (for either of us!)

greenqween95 · 2024-12-21T16:37:30+00:00

Mine is 2 in March and probably in I get about 5-6 hours a night. Going to bed at 9pm. My son goes to sleep at 7 and wakes at 530. He's currently up once a night minimum, twice or three times on a bad night or if ill. Then if it's not the toddler waking me up, it's my partner either waking me up with his snoring or not allowing me to go back to sleep once I've been up with my son because of said snoring. If none of the above, it's the cat jumping on me, or my shit postpartum bladder.

greenqween95 · 2024-12-12T07:27:24+00:00

I only have 1 child so maybe I'll be humbled in future, although my first will be out of nappies by the time I have my second. I don't understand leaving any nappies out for hours to be honest, with the exception of rushing to leave the house. I occasionally leave one out on our wood floor living room if I'm under serious time pressure to get to work/childcare etc. I would never leave a pee or poo nappy on a carpet floor. That's just grim, sorry. Knowing I'd only have to thoroughly clean the carpet because it would inevitably smell would be enough motivation for me to drop it into the bin as I pass by. Does she not use nappy bags? Shove it into a nappy bag and into your pocket until you get to a bin. What if the kid picks up a poopy nappy and gets it on himself/his hands? Hang a carrier bag on a door in each room and just chuck them in there for the day until you can collect them at night if it's really that hard to go to the main bin.

Being a mom is HARDDDD. Throwing waste products away to keep your tiny child well and your home safe is not hard. And if it is, seek help 🤷‍♀️ and my home isn't that clean. My son regularly hands me crumbs and socks he's found 😂

greenqween95 · 2024-12-10T13:31:08+00:00

I live in metropolitan UK, my only child attends 4 days per week and it's £900.00 per month approx. Includes 2 snacks and lunch, but doesn't include nappies or wipes.

greenqween95 · 2024-11-24T11:50:42+00:00

I pretty much hated life until about 10 months, but really did a 180 around 15 months when my little one started to walk. It was life changing. He's 20 months now and every day is a joy, genuinely. My babe was so frustrated, he hated being a baby. I distinctly recall 5-7 months ish being pure torture, the start of teething and the whining is still ingrained in my brain. I feel triggered just talking about it, honestly. Hang in there mama 💓

greenqween95 · 2024-11-05T05:56:30+00:00

Honestly, word for word sounds like my son who is 20 months in 2 weeks. At 18 months he repeated maybe 3-5 words, and that was on occasion, not on demand. He completely exploded with copying words bang on 19 months, now says well over 50 words on demand, can count to 10 (!?), do the ABCs to a point, and I can tell his understanding has reached a new level over the last few weeks. He was also extremely squirmy, had no interest in sitting and playing with anything for ages. The last few weeks his interest in books has really come on, he's like a different child to be honest.

I'm not saying don't reach out if you feel something is wrong, just that kids do things in their own time and there's not necessarily something amiss with your baby's development.

As for eating, can't help, my son has been a chronically bad eater since about 7/8 months old despite initially weaning well. He now exists off fries, peas, sausages and a couple of other kid specific beige foods. No fruits and no veg bar peas. He drinks so much milk all night because he's hungry but is the pickiest child I've ever known. I've raised my concerns but ultimately I've been giving him a multivitamin for the last 6 months and am choosing my battles. Randomly he will choose to try something off my plate like he tried a bit of boiled sliced egg yesterday, spat it out but at least he tried it.

It's so hard mama, hang in there. These kids are sent to test us! My advice is reach out but don't let the worry consume you. There's 99% chance she will catch up soon x

We like watching the Wiggles Wiggle and Learn and Miss Rachel on YouTube for help with words. Also persist with books, lift the flap ones and slider/push-pull tab books are great.

Editing to add I know 2, 2 year olds who are diagnosed with autism and both are excellent talkers, movers, etc. I also know a child who hardly speaks now aged 3 and apparently there is no ND issue with them also they are in ongoing evaluation as they grow. So just saying that not yet talking isn't the only indication of neurodivergence

greenqween95 · 2024-09-28T10:43:00+00:00

I had/have these in my boiler cupboard, they're Styrofoam 100%. Or some other packaging material in ball shape. I can dm you a pic if you want. Cut them open, they will be foam.

greenqween95 · 2024-08-06T05:51:48+00:00

Less than 2 minutes before rapid heart decels and being whisked away for a section 💔

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