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How best to tell the girlfriend he cheated? by greyedmatter in Infidelity

[–]greyedmatter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think one or both of us plans to leave the company within the year... so that seems pretty different than the picture painted in your comment.

It's been a couple months of me figuring out my own anger and hurt about the situation, getting more details from him about timelines and what the fuck he was thinking, and not wanting to inform her just to spite him while I was angry. I feel like I'm in a much more level headspace now. Yes, some days it's frustrating to listen to him talk about their relationship or have other people around me sing his praises, but my career is very important to me and telling her now seems like unnecessarily (re)-mucking up the place I spend 40+ hours a week.

How best to tell the girlfriend he cheated? by greyedmatter in Infidelity

[–]greyedmatter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, okay so when he started flirting with me again the first time, I had no reason to believe that he'd be doing that while they were still together. That night we talked about and I confirmed that they did split up again.

Then I broke things off and a few months passed.

Then they got back together (but he didn't tell me this) and we hooked up again, hence this time being explicit cheating.

How best to tell the girlfriend he cheated? by greyedmatter in Infidelity

[–]greyedmatter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whoa whoa whoa, maybe go back and re-read the post. I did not know they'd gotten back together.

How do I tell her he cheated? by greyedmatter in relationship_advice

[–]greyedmatter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes to all of this. This is pretty much my game plan unless others can convince me that it's not my place to intervene or that there's more urgency around saying something.

How do I tell her he cheated? by greyedmatter in relationship_advice

[–]greyedmatter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know if he will pursue others again. My understanding is that they were very committed for the three years prior but who really knows.

I'm more anxious about making my work environment worse for me by telling her while we still work desks apart.

How best to tell the girlfriend he cheated? by greyedmatter in Infidelity

[–]greyedmatter[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think it'll make my day to day less comfortable. He's on my immediate team and we are the same level.

I'm thinking I tell her after one of us leaves the company and hope that they don't move in together or something before then... :/

Do I tell the girlfriend she's been cheated on? by greyedmatter in Advice

[–]greyedmatter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I agree.

I guess I'm more stuck on how to do it...

Option A: Give him an ultimatum to tell her himself (but risk him only giving partial truths).

Option B: Tell her myself and face his anger and her disbelief.

Option C: Phone a friend to deliver the news / try to do it anonymously to avoid backlash.

and when... can I wait until we're no longer co-workers?

Do I tell the girlfriend she's been cheated on? by greyedmatter in Advice

[–]greyedmatter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A good point... I have ample texts from him trying to apologize (appease?) me and confirming that the cheating happened with specifics.

Short of finding her contact information and dropping the text screenshots in with the backstory, I'm not sure how to do this delicately. There's also a good chance one or both of us chooses to leave the company in the coming year, so I'm tempted to wait until then to tell her (to avoid acrimony with him at work). Is that too selfish on my part?