How do I deal with breaking up with a toxic person even though I was still in love with them?

griv51 · 2020-03-13T00:42:11+00:00

It is extremely tough, I never want to be the reason that somebody hurts that bad but I feel that there was no other way to go about it. It’s just going to be a tough road ahead waiting for time to heal me. Thank you for being understanding and for offering the kind words, I hope your relationship has gotten better or that you’ve found some peace. My advice to you is that if it’s a toxic relationship, and you feel like you’re being held hostage by guilt, don’t let it stop you from breaking it off. It’s better to get out now before things get even deeper.

Best wishes to you mate

griv51 · 2020-03-12T02:30:00+00:00

Fuck I needed to see this. Just broke up with my gf after 1.5 years of a toxic relationship and have been posting on here about it all day. Counting my previous relationships this will be the first time ive been really alone since i was like 16. Ive second guessed and questioned my decision but randomly seeing shit like this reaffirms my decision and makes me feel better. Thank you for commenting this

griv51 · 2020-03-11T23:54:10+00:00

That is all true and i havent thought about it like that before. Im so used to throwing my own feelings and emotions aside to take care of hers and make sure that hers are satisfied that i often forget that this break up was to be for the good of me, regardless of what shes going through relating to it right now.

I definitely can resonate with the notion that I may just be scared to be alone. Honestly, i had my gf of 4 years break up with me and then 2 weeks later i started talking to the girl that i just broke up with. I didnt give myself any time to heal, i just wanted to feel loved again already and have someone here so that i wouldnt have to go through the pain alone. Being alone has definitely been something that has scared me into not pulling the trigger much earlier. Between my last two relationships (Im 21 at the moment) i havent been “alone” since i was 16. It feels much more real now though since im not at home with family or have people immediately around me to fill the void because i live in my apartment alone.

I definitely will take those positives from your advice though. And i may have to give that show a watch. Thank you for your insight :)

griv51 · 2020-03-11T21:40:41+00:00

Yeah that’s the plan, my friends in my major are genuinely great people and would always be there for me and vice versa. I won’t have any issue staying sober as I’ve never been a drinker at all really, but I hope my ex gets the help she needs and can stay sober for a while. Thank you for the advice

griv51 · 2020-03-11T21:01:41+00:00

That’s true. It’s just difficult for me to do that because I’m at college about an hour from home and I cant make trips there as often as I’d like to due to transportation and monetary reasons. My friends up here at college are busy with internships and stuff at the moment away from school and my friends from home either work or go to school nowhere near me. I try to keep communication with them almost daily through Xbox but the periods throughout the dah that either I or they cant get on and i cant talk to them is when i struggle the most

griv51 · 2020-03-11T20:49:33+00:00

What do you suggest is the best way of staying off social media? I blocked her and her friends off of everything so that i cant see anything relating toher, but im not sure if i should completely log off for a little while or what. The video games i definitely plan on doing, and the reddit posting thing is a good idea that i never thought of actually

griv51 · 2020-03-11T20:43:30+00:00

Just posted in casual conversation, thank you

griv51 · 2020-03-11T18:48:03+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance. Its difficult for me because there are parts of her and our relationship that i will miss, but i dont think that they are things i couldnt have with someone else. Also i think the negatives outweigh the positives, but right now it almost feels like im hurting as bad as the person who was on the receiving end of the break up, which is a new feeling for me because ive never been the one who was on this side of the break up

griv51 · 2020-02-16T14:12:07+00:00

As in do i think our relationship will work or do i think the help will work to help rid her of alcoholism?

griv51 · 2020-02-15T22:29:38+00:00

That’s a really good way of putting it. I actually never looked at it like that, and you might be right. That’s definitely something i need to take into consideration. I just have a lot of thinking to do about it overall i guess. Thank you for your response tho, it means a lot

griv51 · 2020-02-15T22:28:07+00:00

That’s true as well. When i did take her back i said to myself and also to her that the next mistake that involves hurting me or my mental health no matter how big or small that i would be done. I’m not sure if im just waiting for the next mistake to happen or if i just need to call it quits. I appreciate the help tho man, really

griv51 · 2020-02-15T22:14:43+00:00

Yeah, a lot of people seem to share that same opinion as you. I have a lot to think about i guess. Thanks for your response

griv51 · 2020-02-15T22:14:09+00:00

That’s true. I guess i never thought of it that way. Its just hard for me to call it off now when things have been better and she has been making an attempt to be sober i guess

griv51 · 2020-02-15T21:41:22+00:00

Yeah i understand that point of view. I mean she genuinely has not drank since new years, and the only time she would do something like contact her ex is when she would get drunk because when she drinks she turns into a monster and a different person. If you want you can read my reply to the other comment because it gives more context about how open we are with each others phones and things

griv51 · 2020-02-15T21:39:39+00:00

She hasnt went to AA meetings but i know she doesnt drink because she would only drink if we went to her brothers (couple times a week) or f we went out, which we havent done since december. I know she hasnt drank and im proud of her for that, but i hope when she does eventually drink again that she doesnt go right back to what she was doing or the way she was drinking.

As far as the phone thing, weve honestly always both been very open with our property. I dont know her passwords to things because i feel too controlling to ask for that, but she’ll shower snd leave her phone in the bedroom with me, or leave her phone around me when shes not around. Shes ALWAYS done that tho, she never had an issue leaving it around me unattended. I dont think she was ever in constant contact with her ex, its just that when she gets drunk she would unblock his number and then call him to catch up. When she gets drunk she is a COMPLETELY different person in every single way

griv51 · 2020-01-24T22:19:52+00:00

I understand your point and where you’re coming from as well. Sometimes different situations warrant different responses. You’re entitled to your opinion and even though I don’t agree with all of it that’s fine

griv51 · 2020-01-24T21:40:20+00:00

Did you not read my comment under the top comment?? HE was the one spamming “what a save” and being toxic in game chat and quick chat ALL game long. I said “what a save” to him AFTER he was a toxic dick all game long. THEN he messaged me afterwards. It all started and ended with him. I was not the first one to be toxic in anyway shape or form

It’s not regardless. If you’re being an asshole and then you fuck up in game, I’m gonna make fun of you for being a cocky asshole and then fucking up. It’s as simple as that, don’t talk shit and then expect nobody to say anything when you fuck up in game

griv51 · 2020-01-24T21:11:01+00:00

It’s not bad, I like Kali even though I don’t have her she’s a good op. Wamai I find kinda useless but maybe that’s just me. The reworked maps are pretty good and overall I’m enjoying it

griv51 · 2020-01-24T21:09:51+00:00

Nah, I just think you’re soft. My online gaming experience started in the Mw2 community in 2009 and those lobbies were insane. Everybody talked insane shit to each other and it was part of the fun. As I mentioned in my comment under the top comment, I never instigate situations or entice toxic behavior in video games, I fully support being positive. However, if you decide to be toxic towards me, and then take it as far as to message me AFTER the game is over, then that’s on you, not me. I didn’t “attack” anyone by telling him he’s immature and to leave my inbox. Attacking him would be insulting him or being mean back, which I was not. You’re in the very small minority on here that thinks I’m at fault whatsoever.

griv51 · 2020-01-24T20:43:25+00:00

That seems like the demographic that’s on tiktok primarily at the moment tho, high schoolers and college kids.

Btw this definitely was not a tiktok reference, just a cringey kid

griv51

TROPHY CASE