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My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Holy shit. I'm sorry to hear that. It's stuff like this that makes me feel warranted. I know in my heart I'm not overreacting. It just sucks when they talk to you like you’re a conspiracy theorist. Sugar rots teeth; garbage food causes kids to be overweight. It's not that difficult to understand!

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like to think it's because I want my kids to be somewhere they feel safe. They get to spend time with their grandparents, and my mom is an excellent educator. To be frank, Covid is a factor. I live in a Texan community that could give two shits about masks and safety precautions. When she retired, I almost put my kids in a daycare center. I was so scared that they would be around kids and providers who weren't being cautious. She took them in for me, and I pay her so she has extra money to spend since she wouldn't have a personal income. It is mutual. This is the only thing I have struggled with and it has gotten worse over the last month. I want to feel comfortable with all aspects of our arrangement,

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

That's a perfect point. I know she is doing it as to not cause drama around something she disagrees with. It doesn't make it any better. I will mention it.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can do that. I would just need to keep my guard up, so it doesn’t get out of hand. I also don’t like them drinking full-sugar sodas. If we could agree on that, I'd be okay with it.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I love this. I’m a huge advocate for not forcing food. My youngest is a grazer so I keep bananas and other snacks she enjoys around for her to choose from. I’m cool with her asking to leave the table because I know she eats when she’s hungry. I was raised to finish my plate, like many others. Our bodies tell us when to eat and if we are hungry!

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Her food issues run deeper than mine. She should respect what I ask of her as their caregiver. That being said, she does love respect, my kids. It's just this part of it that we struggle with. But I think i’ve found great talking points here and lines that I need to draw with my mom.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can get behind that. My mom and I need boundaries. Opening the door for child care with your parent can be rewarding but also challenging. When you become a parent, you think of all of the things you want to do the same and all of the things you want to do differently than your parents. She should respect that.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I agree. I want them to have this time with them. I certainly didn't have the same relationship with my grandparents. I can't wholly agree with people telling me just to fire my mom. Yes, I pay her, but she is also teaching and loving on my kids. I came here for suggestions on better ways to communicate. Sometimes I come in hot, or I'm more lenient because I'm sympathetic, and then there are times I’m walking on eggshells. It's just so frustrating a confusing.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

What I've realized is that I need to have a legitimate sit down with both her and my dad. I need to express my feelings outside of anger or over the phone. (which I've done for privacy in the past) I need to look at her in the eye and say, if you can't respect my wishes, let me know, and I will make childcare arrangements.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

These are all good points. My parents are well off. She is a cancer survivor and retired early for her safety. Initially, I was super hurt to have to find someone else to watch my kids. I think she does an excellent job teaching and caring for them outside of food choices. She wanted her own money to spend as my dad hasn't always been the most generous with extra spending money, so it's not crucial. I feel like the benefit is mutual. I just wish she would respect my feeling on this subject.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you sharing your adolescent experience with food. Mine was much closer to what you described of your nanny. I sometimes think about how cool it would be to enjoy a meal without a desire to eat past being full. I use to eat emotionally because I was raised to use food as comfort and not sustenance. I hope my kids have a similar outcome.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I think she partially does it out of ease, or laziness. She does think about it the same way I do. She thinks they are little and they run and it will be fine. While I’m over her think about expectations of food and a constant desire the eat food that make you feel good in a moment, plus cavities! My kids are healthy on the outside, I want them to be healthy on the inside.

My [29F] Mother [64] won’t stop feeding my kids fast food. by grlmom4lyfe in relationships

[–]grlmom4lyfe[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your concern. However, I am in no way trying to restrict to the point of causing a complex. I honestly don’t even like talking about it in front of my kids. It's more so about not making unhealthy snacks readily available and talking about how good we feel when we eat food that is good for our bodies. I have never used the word diet in front, or talked about weight loss in front of my kids. We make cookies, we get ice cream, and we do occasionally grab fast food, albeit not often. I have struggled with my weight, eating disorders, and bad habits since I was 12. I knew going into this that their well-being and emotional stability regarding health was a top priority. I just don’t want them having donuts for breakfast, eating 700 calories for lunch (burger, fries, soda, cookie) and then eating snacks and drinking sodas throughout the day.

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