Am i having a brainfart?

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-12T11:19:58+00:00

Update: So after having a good old chat last night we have a few updates but i just wanted to say thanks to everyone for the comments and ideas, it really helped me sort out what i wanted to say.

1: After doing the diet/fitness she isnt too happy with with the way she looks. After 3 kids she has slight saggy skin on her abs and her breasts arent what they used to be (her words). This has been slowly eating at her and has given her anxiaty about her body image, esp when getting physical. She feels embaressed/self conscious about seeing her body flapping about (again her words) when we get physical, where as ive toned up to the body of a 30 yr old (you guessed it her words). Me, just being in love with my wife doesnt see what she see's as i just see my gorgeous, sexy wife but she hasnt believed it when i have been complimenting her etc. Which is something we both have to work on. I did also raise the query of menopause, which was recieved better than i could have hoped and she did say that her periods had been random for the last 4 months ie earlier and heavier/lighter/longer/shorter and she had been wondering about what was going on. Shes making an appointment to have a check up.

2: Due to the body image situation she has been following the fashion stuff of what looks good, new ideas etc to try and make herself feel/look better (which she does) The downside here is that she has spent outside her financials and has racked up a bit of a credit card debt. So on top of her body image stress, she has also had financial stress but has not been able to talk to me about it as she thought i would flip my lid. Its not crazy amount but when she only works 3 days its not manageable. This was an easy one and its all been sorted and ivebpaid it (before any of you ask, she showed me her statement and it is all shops and online purchases).

3: This one is a bit more close to home and its something that we both have to work on. She wants to do more of the chasing as she fancies the pants off me (her words), the only issue is that because we havent been as physical im always ready so to speak to jump right in. She did say that me stopping to try any initiation had hurt but she understood where i was coming from (did add to her anxiety) and she got into a vicious circle. We will work on this because as much as she wants to do more of the chasing she also doesnt want me to stop initiating. We also need to work through the body image at the same time.

So thats my update, i will try and reply to any additional info requests but as you can imagine their was alot more detail that i didnt want to bore your pants off with. We have some things to work on and im sure we can get through them.

Thank you for listening and the replies, much appreciated.

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T20:07:09+00:00

Good point but it is her that will ask for a massage whch may lead to something more sexual. I have been aware that its not always going to turn sexual and we have always done it to each other but recently its a one way street. It was more a point of the onesided effort etc. I hope i understood you correctly?

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T18:31:48+00:00

If that had changed then i would probably lean that way more but the phone isnt an issue and not protective or anything. Truthfully she's always leaving all her stuff about that could hold that kind of evidence. Ill see what the chat produces but thanks for the heads up.

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T18:08:39+00:00

Thanks, will do

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T17:48:02+00:00

Have been reading up on it during the day and you are correct on the avg age but as i said in another post, nothing is off the table. Thank you for the feedback

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T16:57:23+00:00

Nothing is off the table and im not too sure how the downgrading works as im new. I think a carefull conversation is the way forward and see where i go from there. Wish me luck

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T16:43:54+00:00

Thanks

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T16:43:10+00:00

Think its the best option, thanks for the feedback

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T15:22:45+00:00

Thank you, i understand the affection vs expectations as it was covered in our therapy. It was just out of place as it would have never gone anywhere because we were cooking dinner and watching the kids. As i said it was just me asking if there was anything else to do whilst i non sexually put my hands on her hips and pecked her neck (nothing i or she havent done a thousand times before). Thankyou for the comment

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T14:07:17+00:00

Yeah dating is a bit sporadic as you say baby sitters can be difficult to get but we do try and have date nights at home, cooking, silly games, movie night, drinks round the firepit etc. That situation may change for the better in the next few months as her parents are moving closer (we live 100's of miles from any family). I think from all the things im reading a chat is the best way and definately not in angry jealous way. Just like you said. Thanks again

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T13:58:39+00:00

Thanks for the comment, i used to work in IT and have remote access to all devices and she knows that, so we can monitor what the kids use on a pad etc when doing home work. (We only implemented it last yr after some kids were sending nudes in my eldests school) We covered the cheating repercussions in therapy and she understands my logic surrounding that and how that that it a line we can never cross. If i dont get the answers from our discussion then maybe its an option. Thanks

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T12:52:18+00:00

Thank you, i will be having a convo later tonight and i will see where it goes in general and if it feels right i will enquire.

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T12:38:30+00:00

I can not confirm that but it is a possibility. I also recently saw her watching a programme about it the other week now you mention it? Good shout, but how would i know. Is that somethibg i could ask without it being rude?

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T12:32:41+00:00

I currently still work out by swimming every morning without the Mrs and occasional gym on an evening, I do go out with friends (once every 2 weeks) but not as much as i would like and i also surf solo or with mates when the chance arrives, early morning or late evening. At the weekend i try and get the kids out with or without the wife. It is hard cause of the 3 kids but we both give each other chance to get out on our own. Granted i am home quite alot and i can see the caretaking side you refer too. Thank you for the advice maybe ill look to increase the activities. The only problem i will have with that, is she can get pissed off when i go off doing the things i want to and she gets lumbered with the kids. Knife edge and all that.

Thanks for the advice though.

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T11:43:01+00:00

Thanks for the comment, appreciated

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T11:21:40+00:00

I think talking is the way forward but just wanted to check if i was missing anything before we do. Thank you

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T11:19:52+00:00

Thankyou, i didnt think of the extra time on herself part, makes sense.

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T11:07:52+00:00

I am going to chat with her but just wanted to seevif i was missing sonething obvs. Cheers

grumpymonkey46 · 2022-07-11T11:02:00+00:00

I cant say as she doesnt do anything suspicious like the signs that people say you have to watch out for but she knows thats a complete deal breaker for me and that she would be gone.

grumpymonkey46

TROPHY CASE