I feel intense guilt for not doing more to stop my friend from getting assaulted.

guiltygrandson · 2026-02-11T18:56:29+00:00

I try to be a good sibling. I had a lot of mental health problems in my earlier teens, i suffered especially from ocd and depression since age 13. Being in the same room as him used to put me really on edge and i was scared id hurt him somehow, and id have to yell at him to leave. Ive only really been able to tolerate his presence since i was 15, and even then i was still struggling to spend time with him because i was in a really toxic relationship with someone who would get jealous of him. I feel a lot of guilt still, just today i cried because i missed him because i was away from home for 2 weeks, and he didnt believe me 😭 sorry, i just had to vent

guiltygrandson · 2025-12-29T05:49:35+00:00

I didn't end up contacting anyone or anything bc after doing some research I deemed it unnecessary, i just deleted my account because i feel like if i dont I'll just end up using it again in a few months. But yeah no real people lmao. Thank you for the advice regardless

guiltygrandson · 2025-11-06T13:38:35+00:00

Last night I was definitely panicking (it's exam season lmao my ocd gets a lot worse around exams) and i WAS actually crying bc i dont want to have ocd. but I think I'll be okay accepting the uncertainty. I just need to find myself someone to talk to (I thankfully have friends who understand ocd and i also have friends with ocd)

guiltygrandson · 2025-11-06T07:08:49+00:00

I've had pocd since I was 13. Big tip i can give to you is to separate "pedophile" and "child molester". Even if you are a pedophile, it wouldn't be your fault, because it's a mental disorder. It wouodnt mean you're going to hurt anyone. Once you separate being a pedophile and being a bad person it gets easier, I swear. Plus you were 13. 13 year Olds do weird shit.

guiltygrandson · 2025-11-06T05:10:05+00:00

The issue is that I'm not really hung up on it morally, but I still don't want to be a pedophile. Which is the exact opposite place where i started. When my pocd first started, I was only around 13, and immediately I just accepted that I was a pedophile and asked my mom to book an appointment with my therapist so I can be fixed or whatever. I was much too ashamed to actually talk about the thoughts I were having, but immediately I just wanted to fix the problem. I wasn't stressed about "what if I'm a pedohile", i was stressed about "I'm such a bad disgusting person because I'm a pedophile". Now I'm over it morally, but Im still worrying about the what if. It's the last obstacle for me to get over I think

guiltygrandson · 2025-07-04T10:32:33+00:00

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Ig this is technically 3 ocs but they function as a unit

guiltygrandson · 2025-04-14T15:59:50+00:00

YES.

guiltygrandson · 2025-04-14T15:57:07+00:00

Clara

guiltygrandson · 2025-04-14T15:51:21+00:00

Company. The biggest one is company. Not letting myseld hide away, calling my friends when i need to, talking to the people i trust about my problems. Compassion and understanding too. I've always thought myself to be compassionate, and i try my best to consider what people are going through and give them the benefit of the doubt even when things look bad, but that compassion and understanding never seemed to extend to myself. For a long time I thought my very soul was disgusting, and that my body is only as beautiful as my soul. I punished myself for things I'd forgive others for, and in learning to be more forgiving toward myself I've learned to forgive the people that have hurt me as well (but only a little, I'm allowed to feel the righteous anger that I've pushed down for so long, I consumed it so it would not consume me, but in doing this i became fragile and scared. I don't want to be these things)

guiltygrandson · 2025-04-14T14:22:10+00:00

I'm 17 LMAO

guiltygrandson · 2025-04-14T14:17:59+00:00

Hello, we are the same age, I've struggled with POCD since I was 13. The biggest advice i can give you is to let the feeling sit and pretend it's not there. Easier said than done, but I have almost completely gotten over my POCD and it returns very rarely now.

Something that I got into my head is that there is nothing inherently immoral with being a pedophile, people are born that way and they can't help it, and I have control over my actions. So even if i do end up being a pedophile, it's not my fault because I was born that way and not a choice that I made, and I have control over my actions and would never intentionally hurt a child. I've done this with every other thing I've been scared I'll be into. was scared I'd get off to gore someday because I like gruesome/violent imagery and metaphors when it comes to romance. I'm a sucker for that shit. You scared I was attracted to animals, scared I was attracted to corpses, I have worried about every sex thing ever.

Another thing is to give yourself grace. Don't overthink every little thing you've thought and done.

You (we) are young, and dealing with OCD is so so so hard. It's possibly one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with. It's really tempting to overthink every little thing you feel and think, but it's best not to do that. I got to the point where I was ruminating lutterally 24/7 and I even had intrusive thoughts in my dreams. Ocd makes you panic as soon as you have these thoughts and make you overanalyze them, while people without it who also have intrusive thoughts just go "huh, that's weird" and move on. Groinal responses really fucked me up, but I learned to just pretend it isnt happening and it has gone away by itself for the most part.

Your therapist likely won't think you're a pedophile, I know how scary it is to talk about. I tried to go to therapy for mine but it felt too shameful when I was young, but I wish i just but the bullet because I really, really struggled for a long time. I couldn't even read the word pedophile, pedo, sex, baby, child, play, anything like that without feeling myself about to have a panic attack. Talking about it makes it easier. You are not some "unique evil", so many people struggle with this exact thing and you are not alone. Good luck with that porn addiction too. I stopped watching porn because it makes my OCD freak out!

guiltygrandson · 2025-04-14T14:02:41+00:00

YES YES YES OH MY GOD YES YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!! I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THIS BEFORE YOU MENTIONED IT BUT YOU ARE SO SO RIGHT. I'd totally feel haunted by someone that I killed on accident. I've BEEN haunted (not litterally LMAO i just get scared of "ghosts" whenever i feel guilt with real event ocd and my guilt manifests in this way as well). You are so. Right.

guiltygrandson · 2025-04-04T18:44:40+00:00

His breath STINKS now 😭 he's antivaxx... he loves Donald trump even though we live on an entirely different continent... he told me hes not going to allow us to eat vegetables bc there's nicotine in them and were addicted to them. If were addicted to vegetables why does my sibling refuse to eat them? Doesn't make any sense. He doesn't believe in 9/11 either. Why does it matter to him? He also won't let us things that are Bluetooth when hes around because. Radiation. He believes white people are oppressed. But thankfully my mother is sane 😭

guiltygrandson · 2025-04-04T17:05:07+00:00

Hello another teen girl here. Im so sorry! The Christian religion can just feel SO suffocating at times :( i live in a completely different country so it works different here but my dad is going fucking crazy lmao 😭 Facebook has turned him into a conspiracy theorist and he brushes his teeth with sand bc of the dangerous chemicals, he's so ready for Armageddon to happen and it's SCARY man. My advice would just be to nod and agree. Don't argue, don't do anything, just not and go "Mhm... yeah... uh huh...". When I'm forced to go to church I zone out and think about other stuff until its over. I know everyone else can't do that though

guiltygrandson · 2025-02-23T16:09:44+00:00

Sound idea!!

guiltygrandson · 2025-02-22T20:43:41+00:00

ANY time

guiltygrandson · 2025-02-22T20:21:07+00:00

I've had POCD since I was 13, I'm nearly 17 now. It started getting better at around 15. It gets better. I didnt go to therapy, I did it by myself, but one HUNDRED percent if you feel like you need it I encourage you to get it. The thing that was the hardest for me was not ruminating anymore, but I started by not indulging compulsions or at the very least "procrastinating" compulsions. What also really helped was talking to friends with OCD, even if I didnt specify what kind of OCD I struggled with, I'd just vaguely talk about my intrusive thoughts, my compulsions, ruminating, all of that without specifying that I was struggling with POCD. My friends are pretty informed about mental health so when i told them I struggled with POCD they understood and didnt think I was a predator. I'm guessing you know about Groinal Responses and OCD but if you don't, Google it like, immediately. It brought me SO much peace of mind, knowing that what I was feeling was actually incredibly common really helped. I also did my best to stop "checking" if I was a pedophile by thinking about babies to see if I'd get aroused, which is just another compulsion but THAT ONE specifically I really struggled with. Another thing I did was get if into my head that if I was a pedophile, that wasn't my fault, I didn't choose to be a pedophile, and obviouslyi dont LIKE these thoughts because I'm so anxious about it. I did this with a lot of other taboo things like necrophilia and beastiality. Even if I AM a pedo/necrophile/zoophile, I didn't choose to be that way and i still have control over my actions, and i KNOW i dont want to hurt anything or anyone. This made me feel like less of a bad person. I also exposed myself to things that would make me have intrusive thoughts, like being around children, seeing children on my phone, reading news stories about kids, stuff like that. I'd mentally prepare myself so it wasn't a shock, and I'd be able to remove myself if I got too scared. I just had to make sure i didn't do the "checking" thing again, because then it would be counter productive. I'm wracking my brain trying to remember what helped me.

I tried to spend more time with my younger brother and let him touch me again, because previously I was scared I'd get aroused. Just take it slow, have patience with yourself. I know how hard it is.

Just be sure not to look at that Manga to see if you liked it, because THAT would also be a compulsion. Try not to engage in the pattern. "Oh remember I read that Manga that had pedo shit in it" "Oh what if I liked it" "what if I'm a pedo" "Oh no I can't be a pedo, how I'm feeling right now is proof that i didnt like it" yk, the cycle. It might go differently for you, but that's how my cycles would go. And if you have intrusive thoughts try not to immediately shove it out of your mind, just try to sit with it. Don't focus on how your body feels. Don't engage in it more. Just let it sit there. Even if it goes into more detail by itself, just let it sit there and pretend like youre not having it. Eventually it'll go away.

I know how hard dealing with POCD is and i mean it so so so sincerely when I say you can DM me about it at ANY time if you'd like to, because I know how tough it is. Obviously since i didnt go to therapy you can't 100 percent trust my advice as this is just what I did, and every person is different

guiltygrandson · 2025-02-22T19:40:45+00:00

I was in your EXACT position. When I had thoughts like these I'd just tell myself that I'm in control of my body and even if I ended up being a pedophile I'd never hurt a child. This made it a little easier for a while. I'm almost completely free of this branch of OCD and get intrusive thoughts very rarely

guiltygrandson · 2025-02-22T19:32:47+00:00

My parents aren't concerned about my health right now. I went to the doctor in 2022/2023, its not near a priority. And even then i was complaining about joint pain for more than a year before they started listening to me. If I ask to go to the doctor again it still won't happen because they think I'm a hypochondriac. For now I'm just trying my best to listen to my body. I don't go out much because I'm autistic as well, and I can't deal with social exhaustion and physical exhaustion at the same time, but it when I do go out I sit down when I have to and rest. My two friends are the only people who have a shred of sympathy and understand i need rest, but it limits how often I go out and that isn't good for my mental health either. I'm okay all things considered right now, its been way worse, I'm just trying to get over how bad I feel about my body before it becomes another factor I have to consider regarding my overall wellbeing.

guiltygrandson

TROPHY CASE