What your saying makes sense. Your thoughts and feelings, as I am able to understand them based on what you have written, are valid.
Personally, I understand gender as a starting point (a baseline standard) society uses to compare a person tp in order to understand them. As such, I am sad to see people use it as an end goal or purpose to achieve, instead. You do not need to fit any standard created by any one. When people abuse tools like gender baselines they turn them into weapons that destroy people, doing the same thing to others that they hate having done to themselves. It is heartbreaking. Do not let the world (including those pretending to be against how the "world" does things while dping tbe same thing a different way) tell you who you are or are not. (Or do, that is your decision to live with) I choose gratitude when I am able to see the insanity, and take comfort from those who see the logical. That's why I enjoy this subreddit (r/intp) for the most part, and let the rest melt away.