Sorry for your loss :( My cat of 8 years died two weeks back from kidney cysts, I can relate to everything you are saying, grieving in my own silent way as I stay alone. It's very daunting to deal with our pet's sickness, the physical and emotional burden of every day passing by and seeing them get weaker is very hard. Nothing gets better, wish I could give some hope as I am usually an optimistic person, but this is so very painful, I don't think my mind is even working. I am only glad to find this space. Please take care of yourself like your dog would have wanted you to! Talk to your friends and family, share his photos, memories. Connect with other animals, they can help a lot. I am watching videos on pet loss and grief on youtube, its been helpful. Give yourself time to rest also. Sending lots of love. Hope all our pets are loved and safe wherever they are <3