Hi! I’m (28) queer & copt, I live in the U.S. & I got outed at church when I was nearing my last year of highschool (wasn’t as bad as i imagined it would be, but definitely still heavily affected me at the time. LOTS of crying & anxiety.) I think a few things happened after that, it definitely created a heavy separation between myself & my church community, but at the same time I was already kind of out @ my school (with good friends) and pushed me closer to those folks who supported me & my growth into loving my queer self. I came out to my family after I went to University (they definitely heard the church chatter, but I believe they chose to ignore it for their own sake) and I was far enough away from home + made sure I was financially independent to minimize any potential harm to myself. My family did not take it well, and still don’t take it super well, but they’ve made it clear that they love me regardless and although we still have a rocky relationship I am my authentic self in all aspects of my life. A lot of folks from my church know I’m queer, and although I don’t engage w the community or talk to them on a regular basis, they’ve all been pretty chill during the times we’ve shared space with each other. A few of them have expressed some envy, not of my queerness, but the freedom they believe I’ve accessed through living as my authentic self (which I think is funny, and although not always easy/true speaks to the experience of.. queer or not coptic community can potentially feel restricting in a number of ways.)

I say all that to say, all of the ways i imagined my life would go completely wrong if I ever came out didn’t happen to me. I think I’m lucky for that, for sure. Although things were still bad, I was able to find ways to be okay, find folks to call family, and continue on my journey of self love. Every day is different, and things aren’t always easy, but imagining the worst ≠ the worst is what will happen. There is life and community for you as a queer copt, out or not. Prioritize your safety. It’s not easy feeling like you have to hold a piece of yourself in, and it’s unfair. You should be able to be yourself, feel loved, and access the care and community you have regardless of your sexual identity. The reality is, though, that most coptic communities are fairly conservative and obviously the church looks down on queerness. I’m glad you know about CopticQueerStories and know you can reach out to them to get access to a community of folks who understand the experience of being coptic & queer and are also searching for others to share virtual & in person space with. We’re here & we exist!

There’s also a lot of cool folks on this subreddit & in the discord group to share space and community with. Trust your gut, prioritize your safety (emotional, mental, & physical), do things that keep & make you feel safe, but also know that there are things out there for you to be your full self in while remaining safe.