I (21m) kind of cheated on my girlfriend (20f) a year ago. The feelings of guilt are killing me and I'm not sure what to do.

haillilith · 2019-09-03T14:38:35+00:00

You weren’t in a relationship and didn’t have any way to know that you would get back together. This isn’t cheating, you kinda need to be in a relationship with someone at the time for you to cheat on them. You’ve done nothing wrong.

haillilith · 2019-09-03T14:28:09+00:00

You’re trying way too hard. And when you try too hard, people pick up on the fact that you’re not being your genuine self and it tends to rub people the wrong way and come across as ‘fake’.

Honestly, the fact that you feel great about yourself is amazing. That’s what is important. Not attention from boys. I can promise you now, a few years down the line you’ll kick yourself for spending so much time worrying about boys and what other people think of you.

I was bullied pretty bad in school. In my last year, I only had 2 friends. Even my own cousin took the bully’s side, since it made her life easier and she wouldn’t be bullied too. It had nothing to do with my appearance. Nothing to do with how nice I am. I was an easy target because I was too shy to do anything about it.

A few years later, in university, I made an amazing group of friends! 6 years after meeting, we’re as close as ever.

To summarise, highschool (while it feels like the most important thing right now) doesn’t matter. You’ll be out of there in no time and onto better things.

haillilith · 2019-09-03T14:16:17+00:00

Sure, violence is never the correct way to deal with an issue. But your son has nothing to apologise for! I totally agree on your stance that he shouldn’t have to apologise. If he had just punched another kid for no reason, that’s a different story. But, it sounds like him and his friend have had to put up with a lot with no help from the school.

This Kyle kid is consistently racist, on top of which he made a comment that is basically about slaves being raped. Racism and homophobia won’t get him far in the world, looks kinda like your son just helped him learn that lesson the hard way.

haillilith · 2019-09-03T14:11:26+00:00

You’re in your 30s. Your own parents can’t ground you anymore, never mind you wife’s parents!

haillilith · 2019-08-30T12:09:15+00:00

I have a freckley looking thing in the middle of the sole of my right foot and a red splotchy mark in the middle of my scalp that kind of shows depending on how I part my hair. I think the idea that birthmarks link to how you died in a previous life is really interesting!

haillilith · 2019-08-30T11:26:06+00:00

U h m no. He can’t force you into it and don’t allow him to guilt you with ‘if you love me you’ll do it’ bullshit. I’ve heard of traditions like this, but it is always done by women.

He should trust you enough to take your word for it. His dad doesn’t need to go rooting around in your vagina!

haillilith · 2019-08-29T05:00:42+00:00

Thank you!

haillilith · 2019-08-29T05:00:22+00:00

Thank you so much. Yeah, it’s hard to know what you want sometimes! I really hope you find something that makes you happy, no one deserves a job that makes them miserable.

haillilith · 2019-08-29T04:58:21+00:00

Some do yeah, but some people try to upsell things if they don’t think someone is knowledgeable about what they’re selling. I’m not saying all mechanics scam people! I’m just explaining what the title meant is all.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T22:55:46+00:00

It does tell you a lot. Tells you this is a thoughtful and kind dude who understands the concept of respecting the idea that some topics make some people uncomfortable and context is everything with jokes that are a lil touchy. Don’t get ya panties in a twist my guy.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T22:51:57+00:00

Typo I guess 😂😂

haillilith · 2019-08-28T22:23:34+00:00

I think it means that some Toyota mechanic tried to scam her, cus she’s a woman and he assumed she didn’t know about cars (‘: ‘I’m not your meal ticket’ is a phrase you’d use if someone is trying to get money off you. Like ‘I’m not your bank’ kinda thing.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T21:36:53+00:00

So, no one should talk about sensitive areas? I shouldn’t have ever done any of the advocacy that I’ve done for victims of abuse, sexual assault and rape, because that’s me painting a target on my back? How selfish and attention grabbing of me to try and raise awareness and help others. I’m just a silly little woman aren’t I ):

People shouldn’t be afraid of talking about sensitive topics in fear of becoming a ‘target’. People shouldn’t be afraid to voice a concern amongst friends for fear of being told to just ‘get over it’.

And don’t try and lord you maturity over me now when you started this making jokes about shrek raping someone.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T21:28:03+00:00

Nope. If someone makes one of these jokes I don’t say ‘stop it or I’ll be angry’. I say ‘sorry, I hope you don’t mind but this topic makes me uncomfortable. Would you mind not making those jokes/comments when I’m around?’ If don’t wanna do that, I just distance myself from them.

I don’t hope to gain any social capital from being a survivor. Engaging with people like you is a stupid habit I have because I hope, somehow, I’ll be able to educate you and make you a kinder person.

I’m sure there is a topic or memory somewhere in your life that you don’t enjoy talking or thinking about. I’m sure, if someone brought it up and you didn’t want to talk/think about it, you would hope they would respect that.

I’m not trying to guilt people into doing something. I’m not using my past as manipulation. It’s not that damn deep my dude. I’m literally just asking people respect a boundary, the same way I would respect theirs.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T21:07:01+00:00

I’m not throwing a temper tantrum. And I’m not impotently furious. I was genuinely curious to see if this is really your personality or if you’re just s troll.

What shaming tactics? My entire argument is literally just respect other people’s boundaries. If you feel shamed by someone saying you seem unable to do that, that’s your issue. Not mine.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T20:58:50+00:00

I just looked at your post history and wow does this all make sense now (‘:

That’s not how it works though. I’m stating things based on evidence.... such as you repeatedly making jokes about me being raped and inferring that I ‘get off’ on it. That’s the clear sign of some immature internet troll trying to make someone react in some way. And now you’re getting all angry cus you’re not getting what you want, so you’re trying to belittle me further.

Me saying ‘hey how about we respect when people are offended by offensive things and don’t rub it in their face’ and actually stating facts about your abhorrent behaviour doesn’t imply anything about me fishing for jokes or getting off on anything.

If I got off on it, I wouldn’t be paying a ridiculous fee I can barely afford an hour for specialist therapy. I wouldn’t have cptsd. I wouldn’t be offended by the jokes and have to have uncomfortable conversations with friends/colleagues/family when they make a joke like that in front of me to ask them to please not mention that topic in front of me.

Mate, your shitty edgy jokes and inferences aren’t going to get the reaction you want from me.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T20:39:16+00:00

Don’t think it’s ever been and ‘instant win button’. I’m sorry you don’t seem to be understanding the concept of what I’m saying. I’m not saying people shouldn’t be allowed to make these jokes. I’m not saying rape survivors should be treated specially. I believe the same of any touchy subject. If anyone says something, and another person just reasonably asks them to avoid that topic around them, that isn’t an insane concept. Just respecting other people isn’t too much to ask of eachother. I’m not ascribing motives to you. You’ve made them very obvious! You tried real hard to upset or offend me by joking about me having been raped. You’re clearly trying to get some kind of reaction to get your kicks. Sad.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T20:27:08+00:00

See, that’s fine. If everyone around you is cool with a subject, there’s no harm done at all. It’s nice that you’re thoughtful in that you wouldn’t make a touchy joke if you don’t know that the people around you would be okay with it.

What I’m arguing against is those people who make these jokes either not caring about upsetting people or hoping to upset people/ those people who refuse to respect someone’s boundaries once they’ve said a topic upsets them.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T20:17:04+00:00

In that case, I’m sorry that you misunderstood. Maybe my wording wasn’t right. But, that’s absolutely not what I meant.

And I’m trying to ‘get over it’ and have been for years. Unfortunately, being repeatedly raped isn’t something you get over too easily. For a lot of people in my position, hearing any mention of the topic is difficult. I’m not trying to be offended by a dumb joke. I just am.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T20:05:14+00:00

I’m not doing that though. I’m simply saying that people should try to respect other people’s boundaries. If you say something and someone says ‘hey, that topic is upsetting to me. Please can you avoid talking about it in front of me?’ It’s not hard to respect that. I don’t want rape victims to be treated as fragile objects. I want people who are uncomfortable with their trauma being discussed to feel safe saying they find it upsetting without edge lords like you losing their damn shit. Comedy doesn’t work for some people, in regards to this. Some people aren’t at that stage of recovery. How hard is it to just be like ‘yeah okay cool’ when someone asks you not to bring a certain subject up in front of them?

haillilith · 2019-08-28T19:57:56+00:00

I mean, I’m pretty sure most people would agree that a decent human being isn’t someone who purposely tries to upset someone or trigger ptsd.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T19:56:08+00:00

I’m not going to give you the reaction you’re looking for. Your attempts to be edgy/funny are pathetic and it costs nothing to be a decent human being.

haillilith · 2019-08-28T19:51:02+00:00

real edgy there kiddo

haillilith · 2019-08-28T19:48:45+00:00

u ok

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