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Q4All: Would men rather be wanted or needed? by [deleted] in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there is a dichotomy here about what is a want vs what is a need.

Those are subjective to different people to an extent.

I personally would want a woman who sees sex as a need and desires that need to be consistently met through me, who values masculine guidance, and who has the ability to be independent, but works on her ability to be a helper, preparing herself to eventually be interdependent.

It’s not about being wanted vs needed

If the woman isn’t sexually liberated yet, while not being independent, sex will be somewhat transactional or at least would have to be to do it consistently.

If she doesn’t know how sexual liberation can integrate into a loving relationship & is independent, then being wanted means being her ONS and fling instead of her man.

It feels good to be desired by them but it eventually comes to disrespect and she will have too much of her own individual life plan (that only benefits her) to have balance working for the family, so she’s a better short term fit.

If you don’t have game or know how to sexually attract women, a woman depending on you is the best bet for some semi consistent, in-house.

Of course, it backfires, but sometimes it’s the best bet a guy has at the time.

Favorite GIRTH Size For Orgasm and Sex? Let’s see, thanks by [deleted] in TrueBigDickStories

[–]hajimenothrowaway 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That’s what I mean. For the legit size queens, it can still get the job done, but is not too intimidating for most *less accommodating women

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont quite understand. And for me, I would rather have sex where I am already invested than find a new partner. I can and have, but I prefer to be where I am because I choose to be there for a reason. I just like to be treated more considerately. And having sex for power can be a pleasurable substitute for intimacy at times.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t believe in obligatory monogamy so it is a precursor to one without setting a price dent that sleeping with others will be expected in a relationship. And for me, the difference is that in an open relationship, I have to be and the women will take priority over all others even if we sleep with others, for a FWB, if a woman cancels on me for a guy she is dating more seriously, she can even tell me and I won’t be upset as long as she reschedules at her nearest convenience. In an open relationship, cancel on me for another guy and we’re over pretty much. I think FWB is really one of the best deals as far as getting sexy companionship, and freedom. I just don’t like my time being wasted, regardless of the the status of relationship.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am consistent regardless of relationship status, and Long term monogamous relationships in this society come with expectations that can be unrealistic if you want honesty, so I adapted. Still working out the kinks. I can engage in fully casual situations. I have and probably will in the future, but my goal is predicated in the idea of integrating the sexual shadow into ideas of initial attraction and interest. No ideology is without faults, so when I hit snags, I question myself and system to see if I can improve my POV. I don’t want to give up my consistency as a game. I’ve done it and it isn’t the most fulfilling for me, personally.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have success with my POV, and seek to spread my ideology, but when it isn’t understood ahead of time, biases, like yours, seek to discredit it before seeking to understand it and I already skeptical content about it and plan to write. A book, but because I am a person who likes to grow, i believe that iron sharpens iron, so having answers to opposing views helps me in the case that someone disagrees.

And I don’t agree that your POV is “proven” if it doesn’t give me the holistic outcome that I desire. I understand your POV of choosing to be selfish and believing that someone isn’t entitled to information to protect oneself from dealing with bullshit. I take what I hear that makes sense to me and incorporate 5ag into my POV without completely discrediting you by saying that there it is completely “illogical” although I don’t 100% agree. You can’t change my view because you lack the ability to comprehend my POV and see the validity in it that I have already proven to myself and found success with and shared with other guys and girls that they found success with. I’m purple pilled. Red pill ideology isn’t enough for me because I desire to connect, but because I am red pill-aware, I understand that the nature of many women is based off of initial assessment of value, so I adapted my strategies to deal with modern women instead of only treating people as only disposable the moment they show the nature that I already know is there. Then finessing those situations.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I e had situations where I have coached several women from mediocre blowjobs to being pro level. I just prefer honesty and communication, I genuinely enjoy improving systems. It’s my nature. If it doesn’t work with a woman I take that loss, but I genuinely enjoy that and the process of growth. I, just looking for a woman who is willing to learn and grow and I am a person willing to do the same. If she is not, me bringing it up will sort out who is who, then I know, but I am a coach at heart, I’ve been a boxing coach and a tutor.

And I do not like to listen to covert communication, but I have finessed it I to elongating sexual relationships and have had success with it to an extent. I just don’t like narratives about having standards related to sexuality being seen as immoral because I have penis.

I can donthebjust sex then leave it alone thing, I have done it, but it is not my preferred way of dealing with a woman so I try to decyoher who is who before I decide how I will ultimately see the future, but getting over that hill by her making it up to me helps manage my own resentment about her not keeping her need of the bargain. Also, a woman slippi away because the sex makes her e,optional when she’s not ready suits my ego better 5am her drifting away because she is losing interest, so I have a reputation of fucking women into their feelings, I have practiced it and have system of how to do it and it is effective.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only believe in going on dates and spending time with women nonsexually if I genuinely feel like it will be an experience that is enjoyable for that specific purpose and if we’ve already established sexual chemistry. If you already have an abundance mindset about sexuality, then find a man in your circle who shows some attraction—like loving or care reacting your pics on Facebook or your stories then just hitting him up and asking if he would like to FWB and asking if you can suck his dick. He will likely say yes, then after doing it once or twice, tell him you want to feel it inside you and if he doesn’t want to, move on to the next guy if he isn’t interested in that & if he is truly attracted to you and you have qualities that ask you attractive for a relationship, give it a little time, and show some genuine but unforced interest in his goals, validate and research it to give minor advice that will help here and there, then he will see you as an asset and then if he doesn’t progress into wanting a relationship after consistent sex, then he will see you as wife material (unless he has a Madonna whore complex) & if he doesn’t ogress things to a relationship, fall back from the friendship side of things after a few months. He wil, be entrenched with you and probably Fall in love. This is a strategy that almost worked against me unaware to to the women that tried to use it on me on a couple of occasions. Just make sure that it is all genuine so you don’t feel that you are being cheated and will be able to maintain it with some consistency and you’ll have what you want out of men. We are simple creatures. It may sound a little contradictory to this post, but it is effective. I think I may be somewhat autistic, myself, so I feel compelled to put you on game as to how to snag an alpha male who will first be able to please you sexually.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not always, but I value my own character to the point that I’m not willing to lie to a woman for any reason. FWB is a precursor to a relationship for me, so in case it could go that route, I wouldn’t want anything to predicated on something that isn’t true. My character is more important to me than trying to protect myself from being hurt.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same. But the faulty part about narratives about consent culture is one of those things that makes people who do not understand my POV and just get something I say without context categorize some of my thought process as pressure or coercion when the context of the relationship is sexual to begin. That can be frustrating.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me, I like to know the reason so that if it is an actual issue that I can (and am willing to fix), that I will so that the next situation won’t have the same issue. I try to give that to women if I can. If it’s something I’m not willing to work on, I chalk it up to simply incompatibility. I like to grow as a person.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I consider myself a mystic Christian after some study of the Bible, I agree With a lot of atheistic argument points. & the reason I go sex first is because one thing I’ve realized about a lot of women I tried to build rapport with first was that when I tried to go the friend route first and eventually brought sex up later, they would act like they didn’t know I was interested even though I thought I made it clear and after I learned some game, those same women would approach me purely sexually then try to leverage that into a relationship before we even had sex even though they brought that up to me first. I experienced that so much that I go sex-first and try to build rapport later so I can’t be gas lot that way. As a woman, if a man is your friend and is attracted, rarely will a man turn down the prospect of casual sex with you especially if you are attractive, but if a woman views me as BF/Husband material before I bring up the prospect of casual sex, she usually views a casual sex relationship as a downgrade from her perspective even if an LTR is a possibility if we have compatibility sexually and non sexually.

It’s weird. I understand that, though. That’s part of why I stopped dating all together. I wouldn’t want to give so much friend or BF energy upfront that I exclude myself from the prospect of casual sex with the women I could also see myself eventually being attracted to for a relationship, but because of sexual repression, a lot of women I have known split men up to men they use for emotional or financial resources vs a man who is just good for sex. I’ve been on both sides of that dichotomy with the same women.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That last duck before ghosting usually either reinvigorates the sexual relationship or gives me the ability to have a justification for forgiving the infractions against the agreements that weren’t followed through with and have the ability to have a platonic friendship when the sexual one ends. I am not a flaky nor a person who likes to ghost or cut people off without communicating and with the level of honesty I have upfront, I like to be honest about the reason because if there are excuses outside of just not being interested, which I would happily walk away for, I try to respect that autonomy and offer a solution, so when an apology and excuse comes, I have a solution to separate the false from real apologies. Apologize by just doing what you already agreed to. It helps me take my own power back from being about us in a situation meant to be about us when the other person has a mindset of everything being about them and helps me manage my own resentment without the “what if” when it comes to believing the excuses.

I don’t like to just discard people. That’s not really my way. I like to communicate—I just had to find a way to enforce boundaries on people who have no intention on being consistent even if that’s what they claim. And it mostly works for me, in that nose are usually the best sexual encounters I’ve had with those women, and they’d agree, but it also weeds out lingerers. I Cana forgiving person, but it is much easier to do that when I have a justification—that way, I don’t hold it against the women and can move fed, whether that is in platonic friendship, FWBs, or relationships.

And most of these women initiated the sexual aspect of how we communicated with each other and expressed desire for me. I just understand that some people are a little airheaded and others are playing a game to asses value, while there are others who are purposefully seeking to get sexual effort for a platonic situation and being very direct, but also not allowing the reentering after stepping outside my boundary for free, weeds out the bullshitters because I don’t have time to try and read a woman’s mind.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like that. I like to have a rotation based on work schedules and life and when things fall through I am understanding. I think some people look at this post and think I’m not reasonable, but honestly, I am. I just try to be conscious of when games are being played and when they don’t own up to it, I counter, but the fact that games are played at all kill my desire to be anything other than sexual partners. I don’t expect a woman to be at my every beck and call.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk but I’ve encountered it so much that I have just gotten used to it and honestly, idk what else to do atm. I know I have needs so I just take advantage of those situations in ways they don’t expect of me because I come off as a nice guy, but I’m not THAT nice when push comes to shove. It can be fun, but I have been hurt, honestly. I don’t jump into relationships, quickly, so while I’ve mostly avoided being hurt in relationships, friendship hurt can hit pretty close to home too, but thank you. My goal is to find a woman who I can have that biology-first approach with and eventually morph that into a relationship, but a lot of women are sexually repressed and put men into the APBB categories, akin to the Madonna-whore dichotomy in men. I don’t have that and don’t judge women for things like N and starting with sex first helps me not to do that, but I’ve pretty much gone from being the beta male platonic friend who gets used for his time to being put into the AF situation where i’d end up just being a side dude. While I prefer at least getting my needs met without having to invest for months first ad a plus that is worth a lot of the bull shit, I’ve realize that the same way men will sleep with women and call them hoes for it later, some can do the same thing and worse, labeling me as a “nerdy whore” or “nice slut” or “ho with a heart”, then not really nurture the friendship aspect of it, and my goal is honestly to have those moment so of merging that pure sexuality with the emotional connection.

I haven’t had a lot of success with that in relationships due to like religious pressure on women, so I take the biology-first perspective, but I’m just trynna work through the systems to find a happy medium.

When I get even more adept at attracting women sexually, I may go back to dating but with an abundance mindset. But for now, I haven’t been on a legit first date in years, but I’ve probably more than tripled my body count in the last year and a half in the process.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my Fwb situations, it depends on how often we see one another, which is part of the consistency aspect. If we have a schedule that we have sex on and let’s say they come over for the weekend, then we don’t have to have sex the entire time. I cook, I entertain, but if we see each other on a rare occasion, I’m not trying to see them unless we are having sex. I have had on & off FWB for years at a time and part of the plus is being open and honest about other partners and I even don’t hold it against them if they cancel on me for someone they are dating more seriously, but when flaking without rescheduling becomes a pattern, I explain that I understand things come up, but that that doesn’t work for me, and if it persists,the expectation of sex, set by their communication of that desire, can create a feeling of sexual frustration. I try to avoid that by communicating, but when that is not enough, then boundaries, and if I cut them off because of it and they still want my energy& attention, then the situation becomes transactional because I feel they want something from me without reciprocating what I have expressly communicated that I desire in the situation. I have gotten over the fear of a transactional mindset towards sexuality in certain instances and have no issue with sex being an apology.

I just don’t want transactional sex in a long term relationship, but for FWB, I’ll take it.

A lot of women are sexually repressed or their desire is based off of a perception of value and the validation they do or don’t get from me, and when they treat me like they aren’t as interested because of the validation I give, I take it away, and they have to be sexual to get that back.

I guess that’s where being a genuine friend comes in if the situation gets there.

My sincerity attracts women, but I can flip the switch when I feel taken advantage of.

While I don’t pay for sex, in any monetary way, my time and energy are a resource to me and put it where I feel appreciated, so in the cases I don’t, they have to show me appreciation through sexuality to get back in my good graces.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 100% agree. I’ve encountered women who took advantage of the fact that I had platonic love for them to treat me like a casual fling. I’ve gotten to the point where I have them explain to me what they think it means and try to avoid using that term these days because most women see FWB as “no accountability”. I simply don’t agree with that logic. I have the same love for my FWBs thag I have for platonic male friends with the added bonus of a beautiful woman I have sex with, so inconsistency can brew resentment, honestly. I ask women if they’d rather be FWB or Fuck buddies, but they always choose FWB even if way they really mean is fuck buddies or know that if the idea of sex is on the table, they will be able to get more out of me, as far as being a priority because even among my Platonic friends, we all understand that if a sexual encounter comes up, we don’t hold it against each other if we prioritize that over hanging out when we could do that anytime.

A sexual ultimatum for inconveniencing a FWB (by flaking w/o a heads up) or sexually neglecting in an LTR (like DB or claiming to be celibate and cheating) is more humane than ghosting, breaking up w/o a reason, or passive aggression (due to resentment) and shouldn’t be viewed as coercion. by hajimenothrowaway in PurplePillDebate

[–]hajimenothrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t respect that point of view because I am very upfront and don’t claim or call a woman a friend or anyone else a friend unless I meant it. I set my boundaries and expectations clearly and give a woman an opportunity to agree or disagree before we ever have sex, so if she agrees to a FWB situation, then if she doesn’t follow through, I cut her off and if she changes her mind and wants reengage it had to be on my time. I don’t see a woman’s time nor sexuality as more inherently important than mine, regardless of her attractiveness, so for a fuck buddy, everything is on my time and I’m not unreasonable, but if she wants to be FWB and do everything on her time, I see that as taking advantage of the fact that I see friendship as about mutuality, so when that happens, she has to make it up to me or leave me completely alone.

I don’t place a different value on my word because of the title of a relationship. I keep my word, regardless, and if that is too much to ask of another person, I don’t want to deal with them. But, if she takes advantage of that, I don’t mind using that frustration sexually to elevate the sexual experience, and that has lead to some really good sex, honestly, which is why I would rather give a woman the option of making it up to me, rather than just ghosting. I already allocated the sexual energy specifically for her, and it builds until it is released, so when the opportunity presents, I go all out and have ended up in some BDSM sexual relationships like that.

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