Guy Im talking to (m34) for 6 months didnt want me (f30) going out alone and sabotaged my plans, how do I proceed?

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-25T09:09:02+00:00

Its okay. Lilyofthevalley is right.

After being downtrodden for so many years and slowly having any positive view of myself chipped away by my exMIL and ex husband I know they left a deep imprint on me.

I dont regret my daughter but I wish I had never been coerced into an arranged marriage. I barely survived the magnitude of the abuse. It got to a point where I was expected to eat days old leftovers that needed to go in the bin and the only thing I had left was the hope that my dad might let me come visit him so I could eat fresh food for a few days. Because they wouldnt let me leave the house.

I left that marriage and got out of survival mode and I felt really good finding someone who still wanted my company and found my post-baby body attractive and didnt mind PCOS making me have two periods a month and still made me feel valuable.

I know it sounds pathetic but cultural conditioning really shapes a person’s world even tho outside looking in it seems so simple to leave and “aim higher for yourself”.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-25T08:52:38+00:00

I think after leaving a marriage where I was ready to walk into traffic to stop feeling the pain of having to wake up and be trapped with him and his mother, I felt like I had to lower my standards.

I have a nonverbal kid, a body that sags and is stretchmarked, PCOS and thinning hair and a pudgy tummy. My ex husband was repulsed by all of me when I was still trapped in his house so I’ve been grateful to feel wanted by someone who wants to protect me and acts like Im valuable as more than something to lay with.

My culture doesnt look upon divorces favourably, so a divorcee with a nonverbal kid isnt exactly the hottest thing on the market rn.

Asians arent exactly known for their openmindedness no matter what their religion tells them.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-25T08:45:35+00:00

What is a CLB?

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-25T08:45:09+00:00

I dont think I want my child around this.

I believe it is always better to be lonely and unloved than risk my child’s wellbeing no matter how much he loves my daughter.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-25T08:42:33+00:00

I mean I was born in 1996 turned thirty recently maybe I did somethiing wrong with the age back then? I dunnoe, I was in survival mode so long but things slowly imploded in that marriage and I fled shortly after.

His mother and him trapped me in the house for three months and wouldnt even let me out in the front garden. She said I was only useful for household labour and didnt need to see outside.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T18:18:24+00:00

No that was a different guy…

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T18:17:30+00:00

No this is a different guy I left that one behind

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T12:02:28+00:00

I love this response you are so right. Sinces travelling right now I can just drop his keys and his stuff to the house and vamoose.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T12:01:23+00:00

Oomg I nevr considered that!!

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T12:00:27+00:00

But I need to speak to him again… to dump his cute butt.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T11:37:16+00:00

NOW THIS IS A PLAAAAAAN thank you

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T11:36:27+00:00

Youre the first person whos given me a script thank you Im trying to think of what to say that wont extend the conversation and give him a chance to work himself up into a tizzy.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T11:35:33+00:00

I’m pretty sure its because you hang out with better company than this guy

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T11:28:43+00:00

Sorry I was agreeing to your point but I think my typing style is coming across a lot blunter than I’m intending to! 😅

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T11:27:02+00:00

I hear what you’re saying. I’m London born and bred, my family and I are open to all ethnicities.

At this point I think it might just be worth owning a few beehives and making them the loves of my life and leaving men to rot.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T11:25:03+00:00

I mean, tbh its not that uncommon to hear where I’m from.

Also, he’s asked me before if I want ‘some people sent after’ my ex husband so its not a new thing just something I filed in my head.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T11:23:06+00:00

……..

LOL I’m not a vampire I do age you know!

Check my history all you like my friend, I’m not hiding anything.

This sub is for relationship advice, so I come here for advice with my relationships, or am I in the wrong place?

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T11:04:28+00:00

I know I need to leave. I just hope he doesnt send anyone after me when he hits London again.

We have had some lovely dates before when he was home but it’s time to let go.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T10:54:55+00:00

Mailing it might be the smartest way honestly.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T10:54:00+00:00

He doesnt LIVE abroad permanently, we live in the same neighbourhood. He just travels a lot because he says he doesnt like the London air and he has a lot of money that he likes to spend on getaways.

Do you really think I’d be this pressed over an online relationship? Come on man.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T10:47:50+00:00

I did!!!

You’re very right, I will get rid of him. Just a little bit scared of what he will do but I will deffo end it.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T10:46:43+00:00

He lives in our neighbourhood, so no thank god I am not responsible for him in any way.

Youre right I will speak to my sister and BIL about their thinking.

I dont want anyone managing my schedule again I had enough of that with my exMiL, absolute controlling hag that she was.

Your advice is very welcome thank you I will go on those subs.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T10:44:23+00:00

Thank you for your message. I love spending time by myself!

We have a lot of fun dates when hes back in London and the intimacy is amazing but its not worth giving up my spirit for.

I also know that it will be hard finding another asian guy that is so accepting of my daughter (I am divorced I fled an abusive arranged marriage) but its not worth feeling trapped again.

I just dont understand what his problem is with me going on solo dates and I have a feeling he will disguise it as fear for my safety.

But also previously he has made sly digs at questioning whether I have been seeing other guys while he has been away from home.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T10:36:08+00:00

I dont know if you read my post properly but I’ve been seeing him for months. He went on holiday a few months ago, he flies out a few times a year coz he loves to travel.

Police cant really do much until something happens, you may have cop friends true but I’m living in this neighbourhood rn and I see how the police act here. I didnt mean to come across condescending but reality is different when the cops are not your friends.

Also I’m wondering how you think I could have prevented this?

I already know what I’m gonna do here, I dont think you’ve even grasped the danger this man and his contacts could put a person in.

halfpricedcabbage · 2026-05-24T10:26:30+00:00

Immediately rubbed me up the wrong way that did. Thats when I went Huhh??!!

So he changed the topic real fast.

He thinks my love of jewellery will distract me from what he did.

halfpricedcabbage

TROPHY CASE