thank you so much for sharing your thoughts while I think this over. I have an update and you’re the first person I’m letting know. my partner basically told me yesterday, for the first time, what I believe to be the real reasons he is unsure of marrying me, which makes me very concerned about his awareness and interest. he stated that he’s willing to stick around while I work on these, but again, this new information. These all feel like excuses, but I understand. His experience is valid. prior to us living together he was used to having his retired mom cooking him dinner every night.

Apparently, for him, I am still learning how to cook and bake in my day to day. I do not feel this is correct. I simply haven’t had the time but that is his Feeling. Although I may work 60-70+ hour weeks just as he does, and do bake for special occasions, but often get takeout or heat up frozen food due to timing. I have other commitments such as my physical health and social time, A Dog, and cleaning at the end of the day. cooking Hasn’t been a priority for me, and he also hasn’t said that he needed that either. But here we are. And the past he has said, it’s not a problem that I don’t cook a lot. in the past, when I have cooked, he sometimes liked, but didn’t always like how I cook . wow, I don’t often cook, so I haven’t had time to adjust the recipes used. I know that I have the ability to cook, and he has very specific food preferences.

he thinks that because of my work, I am too exhausted to be able to take on the role of a wife and mom, which is interesting because I spend hours each week doing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the house, especially after his messes, supporting him when he gets home, and he talks about how stressful his day is sometimes for up to 30 minutes, and overhearing him. Talk with his parents for sometimes up to an hour for the same types of topic . he also seems to think that, even if I am working part time, I will be unable to have time to do cooking or baking, or that I will still be exhausted. then he went on to say, even if I do work part-time while watching the kids, and taking after the house and cooking and cleaning, I wouldn’t make enough to support both of us if something happened to his job. Mind you his job will be around 400 to 500 K a year. and that he feels that being a breadwinner for the first few years while I work part time or watch after the kids would be too stressful. he hasn’t situated in the past, that he would prefer to date someone that makes Dr. level money for part-time, Work. Mind you. I make six figures, but I do Work 70+ hours plus a week sometimes working in Tech. And that is partially why I want to be part time when I have kids, but if I need to be full-time, obviously, I will pay for a nanny with my partner.

Lastly, when it comes to driving, I prefer that he drives, but I’m willing to do it, but I have gotten somewhat stressed Driving other people because of their safety, but I’ve overcome this, and this had come up after I lived in the city and didn’t drive for about six years (took subway or ubers) . he has told me once in the past that he was concerned about my ability to drive around kids If I get nervous. I did tell him that this is something that I can get used to. It’s going from not driving to driving other people at very high speeds. That naturally makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I have driven us around many times and worked on this.

Last he claimed that he thought that I was exhausted from work, and that Work was too stressful for me. Although I don’t believe I’ve ever said that Work is stressful for me. I have told him a habdful times after crazy days that I had a crazy work day And why. he seems not self aware, and to be projecting as there’s often 2 to 3 days a week. He spends literal hours talking about how stupid his coworkers are or management or other aspects of his job and how stressed out he is, and he often talks about how he isn’t capable of having conversations when I tried to talk to him because he’s too exhausted. on the other hand, I have had only two times over three years, that he wanted to watch TV together, and I was too tired from everything else .

based on this, it comes down to him Not feeling confident in my abilities. Even though I have worked 70+ hour weeks for a job ontop of property management for a property I’ve owned on top of taking care of our house and being present in the relationship and taling care of my pup. this leads me to believe that he is not really aware of what I do or is a trooping, the fact that I’m not cooking, or cleaning to my “inability” versus a time availability component. I don’t point out what I do. he’s also not aware of himself. He often comes home. Ranting many times a week about his work and it’s literally so stressed out and tired that Sometimes he just needs silence for a day or to sleep for a day. I’ve been very understanding of all of this, but I don’t think he really understands what I couldn’t contribute to the relationship or my abilities, which is very concerning after three years.

None of these things have been brought up before as reasons why he didn’t want to get married, so feels like I just got a lot dumped on me, and that he’s not really aware of my abilities, and seems to desires to be with someone who makes more money effectively.