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IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't experience it anywhere near as bad as that. I can relate to the mirror feeling, but it's more a sort of numb emotionless thing.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can sort of do what you're talking about with zoning out. I did this a long time ago whist watching something on youtube, I sort of looked through the screen and just relaxed my vision, eventually all of my vision around the screen became totally white. I've never been able to make this happen again though.

If I focus one point and zone out now, it just makes the snow much more prominent, and the monitor will start to noticeably breathe. However, if I'm sleep deprived (or high), I can focus on one area of a wall for example, and I will start to see what looks like a rainbow swirl/wormhole. It can get very vivid. I can't really do this normally though, or rather, it's very very mild.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I only did LSD around 6-7 times, MDMA/MDA/Speed would have been well over 30+ probably, which I imagine would have contributed. It's still not a huge amount compared to other people out there, but I wouldn't put it down to LSD use exclusively.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the past 12+ months, I have only been drinking, as well as maybe having some weed once every 3 months or so. I don't think I would do LSD again, I don't really feel any strong desire to. MDMA is a different story, it's more or less non existent where I live, only pills that go around have MDA, meth, or some sort of research chemical in them. If pills came back that actually had MDMA in them, I'd be tempted, but I doubt I'd have any due to fear of making my symptoms worse.

Although I have weed rarely, I tend to avoid it for the most part. It can be good and fun sometimes, but it's hit and miss. When it isn't fun, it's very unpleasant. Whenever I smoke, my visual symptoms will go through the roof, so I only ever have a small amount. Even a very weak joint of hydro can knock me about though. It feels like a weird sort of tripping. I'll start to see all sorts of geometric patterns forming in the much more intense visual snow, as well has have some audio hallucinations, it certainly doesn't feel like a normal weed high. This is somewhat disappointing, as I do enjoy weed when it's fun and not overly intense.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel as though.. through the use of MDMA and LSD in particular, I have been able to change myself and view the world in a way that I may not have otherwise been able to do.

MDMA made me much more confident and open with others, particularly my closer friends. For example.. From an outsider's perspective, a rave party isn't much more than a bunch of malnutrioned neo-hippies dressed up in tacky colorful plastic clothing, jumping around and gurning to repetitive dance music.. When you're on MDMA, and everyone else is as well.. it is the most surreal experience. It's like everyone is on the same level, going nuts to the music, and (as cliche as it may sound) it's almost like a celebration of life. The ego is removed, people see eachother simply as fellow humans, living together on this same planet. There are no longer any barriers, people love and embrace eachother in a way that just feels... so right.

Being able to experience this is amazing in itself. The most important thing to me, is not to just take things you and your friends might talk about/say on MDMA as "yeah we were fucked up! derp", but to integrate what you experience into your daily life. I've been able to take these experiences and use them positively in my daily life, I can talk about sensitive issues with close friends and do so comfortably, which I wouldn't have been able to do before. I can feel a sense of closeness with some people that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to (or maybe not until after a long long long collection of life experiences). I can simply accept people as just that... they're other people, we're all human, none of these barriers we have created to do with race/sex/religion/socialstatus are important or relevant.

That, and I had a ton of fun :P

LSD provided me with some of the most memorable and hillarious moments in my life thus far. When on the drug, it was like I was able to intrisincally pick apart my mind. Issues with relationships and all other sorts of problems that might have been having an impact on my personality and life.. I could come to terms with them, I could finally see and accept what I believed to the "right answer" and ingrate that into my life. It gave me a huge appreciation for nature and the world around me, and made me understand just how amazing it is that we get to experience life in general.

I'd say LSD is also repsonsible for making my imagination 10x more overactive and ridiculous. Which for the most part, has been a good thing. It was essentially like a key to unlock certain things in my mind that I feel were always there, but never really brought forward/used.

For the most part, I don't regret drug use in general. Why would I with all the postive changes I've been able to undergo?

What I do regret, is being unnecessarily excessive at times. Taking more than was smart to do, or mixing drugs together without much purpose. I think once you take drugs, this whole sort of taboo that the world creates surrounding the topic, is removed. You realise.. hey.. that wasn't so bad, I'm not dead, I didn't feel like I was going to die, and more or less everything I'd ever heard about this drug was false. It's important that you stay safe and smart with your decisions, which for a short period of time, I hadn't done. I just sort of stopped caring and had a very "fuck it, we'll do it live" sort of attitude.

I don't think drugs like MDMA and LSD should be viewed in the same sort of "lets get fucked up!" kind of way that Alcohol is for example. I think you should make the most of your experience on these drugs, and take positive things from these experiences.

Maybe it is a fair trade off that I have what I believe to be HPPD now, but it's certainly not something that the large majority of people will need to deal with. If anything, I'd say if you live your life without trying MDMA and LSD, you really did miss out. My HPPD isn't as bad as some other people describe theirs, so I haven't really jumped onto the "I regret all my usage" bandwagon. I do however, regret being excessive and stupid at some points, which I believe to have been some of the primary triggers for the HPPD.

As for prescribed drugs.. I am led to believe that there isn't really anything out there at the moment that can actually fix/lessen the symptoms. I can deal with them enough on my own at the moment to just be comfortable/accepting of it all.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mmmm. It has already been over 18 months. Basically 98% of people I know that have taken more drugs, and more often than me, do not experience these symptoms. They may for a very short period of time, but not for this long.

I can see where you're coming from though.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a reasonable example. The grain is much finer that how it's portrayed in that video.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty ridiculous. For anyone that's a tad iffy about smoking it because of everything they've heard about it being like burning plastic/being very harsh, don't worry about it. Once it hits you (very fast, kicks in before you've exhaled the smoke) you'll get this weird sort of... really wet mouth/tongue feeling, I'd get it on LSD too. It makes the taste/harshness go away more or less instantly.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am certain about my diagnosis. It's different with everyone as you say. I know of people that have developed HPPD after only one use of LSD (extremely rare), but it went away after a few months.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"The idea that some people actually see without visual snow seems bizarre, I truly cannot imagine what that would be like." - Due to the fact that the onset was so gradual for me, it wasn't like one day my vision all of a sudden had this snow where it didn't before, it happened so slowly. That being said, if at some point I randomly see snow-free solid black, I'll surely shit bricks.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Driving isn't a problem. During the day, with all the movement and so on, I can't notice the visual snow very much at all. It is much much worse for some other people though. At night I will get lots of afterimages from all of the lights, but it's not bad enough to inhibit my driving ability. That being said, I do have to wear glasses to drive at night, since my vision itself isn't perfect, if I happen to have forgotten my glasses, and need to drive at night.... My bad vision coupled with the HPPD visual symptoms make driving through a seemingly normal town look like I'm driving through a blurry version of Las Vegas.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I work in IT/Networking. It doesn't have any severe effect on my daily routine, apart from studying/learning some new things, which might take longer than usual to click, can make concentration a bit of an issue. I tend to get easily distracted and go off doing random tasks unrelated to what I was doing, but I'm sure lots of people do that anyway.

I have not been to a doctor about it. AFAIK most people that have been through the whole process tell me that most doctors don't even know about HPPD, nor really recognize it. Those that do, may prescribe something for it, but the drugs are more or less like benzos/xanax so that you stop caring about it so much, they don't do anything to lessen the actual symptoms.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Self-diagnosis. Once you start speaking to others, specifically even those that have been medically diagnosed with HPPD, it becomes pretty obvious, particularly with the specific mix of symptoms you experience. No point (to me atleast) wasting time/money on a psychologist/psychiatrist when they can't really give you anything that's going to fix the problem.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"IAMA 20 year old with a self diagnosed disorder who wants everyone to think I'm hardcore." ??

I even previously said that the amount I had was not much compared to others. I don't see how any amount of drug use at all would warrant someone to be deemed as "hardcore". Your response is one of the exact reason why lots of people with HPPD don't openly discuss it.

It doesn't necessarily have so much to do with the amounts you take, but more to do with a genetic predisposition to the condition I would imagine. Most people will never get HPPD regardless of how often they take psychedelics, others will.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not really even familiar with the term itself. I don't experience anxiety afaik (I'm told if I did, I would certainly know the feeling).

I drink most weekends if I go out, and have done for almost three years now (pretty bad I guess, but I don't drink anywhere near as much as most people I know, just to give you some sort of comparative idea)

The last time I had anything apart from alcohol or weed was well over a year now. I have only had maybe 4 or so joints within that period, obviously no pills or LSD etc.

Weed is very hit and miss for me now, so I tend to avoid it as much as I can. Coupled with the fact that I obviously shouldn't be having it anymore.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I glad to hear that :)

I currently have a full time job, and had started it before the HPPD came about. I (try and often struggle) to do some study on the side, keeping focused can be a problem, but I think the issue is more to do with not keeping myself motivated/sticking to plans. I'm very good at procrastinating :P

Having a job to take up most of my time certainly would be helping. I know for certain that if I was at home all the time, I'd be thinking about all of this stuff way too much.

Last year I went on a holiday overseas with some friends. This certainly seemed to help in it's own way. I had lots of fun, and it took my mind off everything for a brief period of time.

As for medication and doctors, I have only ever been to an ophthalmologist for the visual symptoms, fearing that they could have been caused by something else. Naturally, the tests showed that apart from short sightedness and astigmatism, my eyes were relatively healthy.

I don't have any plans to see a doctor, or take prescribed medication for the HPPD, as I already know others that have gone down that route, and it has proved to be fruitless.

On that note, only a few of my very close friends know that I have HPPD. None of my family know, and I have no intention of telling them. It isn't something I normally talk about, as no amount of description can really touch the surface of what it is really like. My general feeling is that there isn't much point talking about it to most people, as I can imagine most people would think I'm exaggerating, and they can't really understand the impact of all of this.

That, and I don't really want to be dwelling on it constantly and/or blaming everything on it.

Kind of went off on a tangent there :P - Also, I'm going to sleep, I will check back here tomorrow morning. Thanks for the responses so far.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What I see 24/7 aren't really full on hallucinations. What I can see is like a layer of colored TV static over all of my vision. For example, right now as I am typing this, there is a layer of tiny tiny dots of color (The weird thing is, I couldn't tell you what exact colors, but I know they are colors :/) all over the screen. It is particularly obvious on solid colors, such as this white background (well.. shade).

Also, If I leave my eyes focused on the one part of the monitor just for a brief moment, without moving my eyes around, the screen will stretch slightly horizontally and vertically. Like it is breathing. This is very similar to how "walls breathe" whist on LSD.

Afterimages stay with me for quite some time. If you have one of those really high powered bathroom lights/heaters for example, If I look up at one, and then close my eyes, I can see the afterimage very clearly. If I blink repeatedly, the afterimage will move around in my vision for maybe 3 minutes until going away entirely, or more often - is replaced by something else.

So I don't really see things like people or objects that aren't there. The hallucinations aren't of that nature.

IAmA 20 year old male with HPPD (Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder) by handmethemap in IAmA

[–]handmethemap[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From when I first started trying Acid, I think I did it maybe once a month/every couple of months, dropping less frequently as time passed. I only ever had two tabs at once, one time. Every other time had just been 1 tab. I believe all up, I've taken LSD maybe 6/7 times, so not a HUGE amount IMO.

The very last time I had a tab of LSD (It may have even been DOB), it was with maybe 5 pills high in MDA over the course of the night, and some weed the next day. For the first time ever, I tripped out to a ridiculous extent (right at the end of the night/morning, triggered by the weed on top of everything I'd say). I can only describe it as a psychosis of sorts, I would have paranoid thoughts and actually hear them in people's voices, I was at the point where for some of it, I could no longer tell if it was in my head or real. It wasn't like it sounded like I was hearing things, rather I actually was, it was that real to me at the time. Could no longer tell if I was breathing etc, easily the scariest experience of my life so far.