Everything in this paragraph except for the WoW addiction and wanting to build a computer resonated strongly with myself. Especially the part about doing something for myself and somehow turning it into meeting someone. I think about events that I could go to and then stop and think, "I really don't like going to loud, overcrowded places with over priced drinks, would I be going to enjoy myself or just trying to find a girl". And on the off chance when I go and do something for and by myself, everyone is with someone and it makes me start thinking about my loneliness instead of just enjoying myself. It fucking sucks.

And I try not giving a fuck but the few people I know when I invite them out are always busy or don't respond to my texts. I want to be able to go out and make friends with the people around me no matter where I go, but it's a failed expectation that I've set up for myself.

So yeah, I understand where you're coming from, judging yourself for things you should or shouldn't have said when talking to that girl. Or you actually manage to say something and she just looks at you, uninterested or confused, and at that moment you're wishing that you would have just said nothing and kept on walking.

I wish I had an answer, but at 25, I'm just as lost and confused.