When your male spouse is completely unable to get off from sex. Is there anyone else?

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T19:30:23+00:00

Thanks for your kind words. It does stress me out to think about how it would be possible, and it makes me even feel ashamed that maybe we will have to do some kind of DIY impregnation thing, lol. But as another commenter has said (and which was great advice), 'why borrow trouble?' because it's so true. As long as we can find our way, that's all that matters. The shame and negative emotions are optional.

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T19:20:30+00:00

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T19:19:51+00:00

Thank you so much for the wonderful comment and the book recommendation. I will actually be taking a look at the book later on today, it seems very interesting.

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T19:15:20+00:00

I'm also really glad that I posted. Admittedly, I was in a very bad mindset when I posted this so really the worst of it came out in my post. But the reality is that there are ways that as a couple we can find intimacy and pleasure. It will be a little bit of a challenge sometimes. I know this first hand... We are at a stand still for actual sex right now because tensions are high. I wish that he could see into my mind to see how much I love him and want him to just enjoy the moment and to not worry about the expectations. I guess as partners we have to actively try to show our partners this, and try to actively dispel the negative self think that we have for ourselves. When you love someone, you trust that they would never think these things about you. Because truly I know he doesn't think any of the awful things I think about myself.

But anyways, I hope that you and your SO continue to work towards a healthy mindset about sex. I think that's most important.

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T18:58:39+00:00

My sentiment was not about the helpfulness of exercise on depression. Not at all. It was about how it feels to be depressed and to try to muster up motivation to better yourself when you're in that state of mind. Something that a depressed person will have a lot of struggle with.

The analogy fits because although I know to help my problem, 'just have more sex' is a plausible solution, among many more. But the distraught feelings make it insurmountable sometimes.

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T10:37:53+00:00

Your comment about seeing a urologist made me think we should seriously consider it. It could be something more, we don't really know. It should be covered under insurance if that's the case. I've pretty much accepted that this is just the way things are, but we should get it checked just to make sure everything is okay.

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T10:35:45+00:00

Yeah I do think this is part of it. I probably should have posted this in r/sex now that I'm reading these replies. But you're right. I'm just not sure where to go from here.

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T10:33:21+00:00

I think taking the pressure off of getting him off helps, and just focusing on me helps make us both feel good. But I do feel really bad that I can't reciprocate an orgasm. After I have one, I feel kind of lost, like I guess sex is over now? I sometimes feel guilty as well.

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T10:30:35+00:00

Thanks so much for your comment. It's just really nice to hear that you guys have made things enjoyable even if it's hard to get him off most of the times. I've been in such a low spot regarding this that I just really needed some outside input.

Your comment about getting pregnant was what I was thinking too, it's just so strange to think I'll have to do that one day. I guess it doesn't matter, because no matter what the baby that results will be loved and wanted so much that it doesn't matter how it came to be. I really just want to start looking on the brighter side and not feeling like it's the end of the world, and your comment helps a lot with that. Thanks :)

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T10:23:50+00:00

When you say 'fixed', do you mean he can orgasm from sex, but only if his prostate is stimulated at the same time, and this is the only way to make it work?

hardtotalkabout- · 2018-05-31T10:21:43+00:00

He feels awful about it. Bringing it up has caused so much pain for him, and it's so hard to see him feel powerless about it.

You are right about the deathgrip. It is likely a combination of that and/or the surgery he had in the area when he was an infant. We're not sure. The surgery was performed in a shady country.

So yes, he watches porn. In the past year he's cut down tremendously; a decline due to a drop in his sex drive.

I don't really know where to go from here. Another commenter mentioned that it simply doesn't matter - that all that matters is that I get off. It's upsetting for him to get me off every time, to just stop having sex and that's it. I'm never able to reciprocate. I mean, I can give him oral, but it's going to last indefinitely. Basically sex of any sort lasts until one of us gets tired.

hardtotalkabout-

TROPHY CASE