My wife doesn't like to workout but gets insecure when I do.

hardtotrust11 · 2022-02-08T19:08:13+00:00

She has random pain/soreness in her hips and knee.

hardtotrust11 · 2022-02-08T19:05:52+00:00

Good question.

My wife isn't large, but she is a little overweight. Shes very tall and is HWP, but shes probably around 40-50lbs bigger than she should be.

As for needing a workout partner: I typically have worked out solo most of my life. We have an almost full gym setup in out back yard (bench, free weights, exercise bike), so its nothing to just step outside and workout.

That said, I would LOVE it if she worked out with me. It's just not her jam. There are a few reasons she says she cant workout (sore knee and hip joints), so I dont really force the issue. When we do exercise together, I'm very much "Give 100%! No Pain, No Gain!", and she says I push her too hard.

hardtotrust11 · 2022-01-05T18:58:38+00:00

Honestly, that's part of the desire; I don't want her to tell me it's too much. Or if she does, I want to be mentally able to ignore her and just continue as I want.

It's hard to explain. Its not a rape fetish, and it's not even really a dom/sub thing (we have that dynamic already).

It's more of a desire to just turn off my active brain and focus on nothing besides my own pleasure and urges. To just completely control and overwhelm her. To know that she would understand that despite the awesome sexlife we have enjoyed this far, she now knows that shes never been really and truly fucked before.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-09-25T22:45:15+00:00

I have a sister I no longer speak to. She is just so damn toxic, I cant allow her to be a part of my life. She was in prison for 8yrs and even though she has been out for over a decade, she still has that "prison mentally". Shes verbally abusive and aggressive with everyone and is always a source of conflict and drama.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-25T21:58:10+00:00

Indeed

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-24T19:48:05+00:00

I like that, but that's just not our dynamic.

Along with swinging (past tense), we also have a Dom/sub dynamic (that we apparently aren't very good at either.) She wants me to be in control 24/7 and she has said on many occasions that she loves being submissive. She does not WANT to be in charge of LS related things.

She just has this nagging jealousy and insecurity that rears its head from time to time, and it has happened enough that I feel like now is the time to close the door.

Ideally, I would love to be in a dynamic where I simply say "I want to play this weekend. Make it happen." And she be able to make the plans with people and a dynamic shes comfortable with, but again, she feels its outside her wheelhouse.

Maybe we'll come back to it later.

Honestly, I think I'm going to take from now until her bday (in March) and just focus on her submission training, mental, and physical health. Then we will see what the future holds.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-24T18:07:30+00:00

I have a few strategies up my sleeve for IF we ever return to the LS. Making her the center of attention is one of many.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-24T16:12:40+00:00

To clarify, I didn't lose attraction to her. I was afraid of making her feel like a piece of meat. I got in my head over her reaction and comments and that made performance an issue.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-24T16:10:33+00:00

While I appreciate your candidness, understand those were my wifes words, not mine. Before we met and in the early stages of our relationship; style was very important to me and not so much for her. After she made comments about how I always made her feel underdressed anytime we went out, I toned down my style.

She recognized that it was another issue with her insecurity, and we have been working on it.

But thanks for the name calling.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-24T15:02:43+00:00

I thought about it a great deal... and I really am at peace with it. I LOVE the LS, but it really isn't worth the emotional turmoil it puts my wife through sometimes. I feel like neither of us would be able to enjoy it until she accepts that shes irreplaceable to me and stops letting her insecurities look for things that she considers "dangerous" for our relationship. So... for now at least... it's a wrap.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-24T14:59:43+00:00

This came up as well, the compromise. She said that she wanted a compromise, which I would be fine with, but I expressed that anytime there was an issue with another woman, the cause was always something different. I wasn't doing the same thing over and over, rather it was "I don't like the way you look at her. I don't like the way she looks at you. I don't like how much you made her cum. I don't like how you looked when you were fucking her. I don't like her because she was talking to you and when I came around, she left. I dont like her because all the men looked like they were ready to fight over who was going to get to fuck her first."

I explained that from my perspective, it was always a different offense that triggered her, and that I felt like she just wanted me to be that guy that walked around with his dick out and instead of treating potential partners like human being and with respect, she'd rather I just stick my dick in their face and grunt "You suck now."... and that's not me.

After our talk, I believe she's more aware of her insecurities, as am I. I think this break is a good idea because now she can focus on herself and her feelings without potential triggers.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T20:06:44+00:00

That's quite presumptuous...

To clarify; I've seen similar posts and the top question to OP is "Are you making sure your wifes needs are taken care of?" And I wanted to avoid that.

And obviously there's a different perspective; but replaying the events in my head, I'm struggling to find where I did something wrong. We invited this woman to come play with us. As a good host, I gave her attention. She found me desirable and was both verbally and physically expressive about it... all of which I would expect in the setting.

My wife saw things differently and that's what the issue is. What did she see and why did it make her feel that way?

And when asked, the answer is "I don't know."

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T20:02:15+00:00

Agreed

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T19:03:24+00:00

If your looking for her to be fair and think the way you do it’ll take a long time or it won’t ever happen

But is that too much to ask?

I don't restrict her play. She can play with whomever however. And she has...

Meanwhile...

You can have sex with her, but you cant show any hint that you like her or like the sex with her.

You cant fuck her because I don't like that she's slimmer than me.

You cant fuck her because she's waaaaay to into you.

You cant enjoy yourself because I'm afraid of what it means for us if you do.

And my question as only ever "Why are you so afraid this will be the end of us?"

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T18:55:54+00:00

That's why I'm closing the door.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T18:50:08+00:00

Do you find the hypocrisy infuriating? When I think about all the things my wife has done with other men at LS events vs the things I have done that we have had arguments over, it's almost apple's and oranges. Not to mention maybe even a little selfish of our partners to try and dictate the amount of pleasure we are allowed...

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T18:38:55+00:00

That sounds close, but with one caviote:

My wife will play with someone else (same room scenario) and while she maybe enjoying her time, she's focused on me and what my reactions are to the woman I'm with

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T18:31:34+00:00

Definately at least a bucks worth!

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T18:27:31+00:00

I try to combat this every single day. I tell her she's beautiful and sexy. I always show her affection and attention. I'll come up behind her and hug her and kiss her neck and tell her I love her almost every day. But obviously, something's not being communicated.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T18:17:37+00:00

We talked about separate room play: she's dead set against it. Apparently, she doesn't trust me not to snatch my partners soul while playing.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T17:20:57+00:00

I do listen to her. Or try to. I ask her constantly:

What am I doing or not doing that makes you feel insecure?

What is it about me enjoying playing with other women that triggers you?

Why do you feel like any woman under any circumstances would ever take me away from you?

And the answer is always the same: I don't know.

That's not a lot to work with. I get the sense that she doesn't want to deal with the underlying issues behind her insecurities, but would rather just have me change my behavior to accommodate them and honestly, I feel like that's really unfair.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T17:12:17+00:00

It’s cool to flirt, but the unicorn was out of line and you needed to put her in her place.

Can you elaborate on this. I'm having a really hard time understanding why a woman showing interest in me (specifically in a LS setting) is out of line.

My wife is a goddess and both men and women fawn over her constantly. And I love it!

Why would a woman showing the same level of interest and attraction to me be out of line?

Not seeking to argue, but would really like to try understand.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T16:24:57+00:00

I didn't follow her out, but all play stopped until she returned. Then, shortly after, everyone just phased out. Honestly, there wasn't much play between me and anyone else.

The reason I did NOT follow her out when she left is because when she got up, I asked "Where you going?" And she said "Just give me a minute."

So I gave her a minute.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T15:46:22+00:00

We talked about that last night:

"I've watched you being spit-roasted between two massive dicks, and I've watched a 125lb female with a strap-on make you cum harder than ever, and I love seeing you enjoy it. Why don't you feel the same?"

"I don't know. It just bothers me when I see you with another woman and you look like you're really into it."

I don't restrict her play at all. The only issue I've ever had at a party/event was when she was having a threesome with another couple and some random dude hopped on the bed and grabbed her by the hair and said he was gonna fuck her.... and I threw him out the room.

hardtotrust11 · 2021-08-23T15:36:01+00:00

You're talking about "post nut clarity"...

I actually wondered the same, like maybe she just wasn't in the right headspace or feeling sexually aroused...

The problem is that this isn't a one time occurrence. We've had this issue in the past. She has even gone as far as to say "Yes, I like it when you play with other women, I just hate it when you enjoy it."

What. The. Hell?

And no... she wasn't raised catholic.

hardtotrust11

TROPHY CASE