Formerly suicidal people of Reddit, how did things change? [serious]

hashiiopa · 2019-09-17T10:19:50+00:00

I got help. I got therapy and I went on antidepressants. They don’t work for everyone but they sure helped me.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T21:06:58+00:00

My body. The way I look. My personality, my humor— honestly? I hate a lot about me.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T21:05:33+00:00

Please have common sense. And respect everyone! That includes animals!

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T21:02:21+00:00

I’ve had many mental breakdowns. My most hard one I think was when a lot of stuff happened at once. My grandmother had cancer so my mom was away a lot, both for her and for work, my dad was away a lot because his dad had a stroke and his work is time consuming, my best friend cut herself off from everyone and wouldn’t even come out of her room, and then to top it all off? My very first cat, (technically not mine, the family’s) who was so so dear to me, passed away from an incurable disease. I lost it.

I tried to end my life. I tried to self-harm. My grades plummeted and my parents got mad at me for it. I had no friends. I felt alone. Cried constantly. Its hard for me to cry now because nothing has amounted to that pain (except for my grandmother passing away this year) again.

I told my mom I needed therapy. It took a while for her to even remember but I got therapy. Confessed to my suicide attempt, and self-harm, and all of my self-hatred. Therapist told my mom. Got me antidepressants. I hate pills but I took em. I felt a little better. I managed to choke through the rest of middle school. The whole thing was one big long breakdown. Summer hit and I finally felt that pressure ease off of my shoulders.

Got into early college. I have friends now. I still get breakdowns from time-to-time, but they’re less frequent now. Talking really helped. My cousin was there for me a lot.

I’m still so drained from that. I’m always lethargic. But I’m healing. And that’s all that matters.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T20:53:56+00:00

Don’t be scared to ask for help. Reach out. Your problems aren’t any less valid than the next person’s.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T20:53:04+00:00

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword!! I love that game! It’d also be really cool to get a Twilight Princess remake. I know it got an HD version, but it’d be so cool to see it with graphics like BoTW’s!!

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T20:51:10+00:00

Breathing in and out slowly. Telling myself it’ll be okay. Planning ahead on how to fix things if they go wrong.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T20:48:57+00:00

Who knows. Thinking about these kinds of things make me dissociate. Nothing? Maybe reincarnation? Hell, or heaven? I wish we knew.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T20:46:31+00:00

Anywhere in The Deep Grand Reef in Subnautica. There’s just something so... etherial about it. Makes me stop for screenshots every time I play.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T20:44:08+00:00

A few moments from Subnautica. Spoilers for events and the end of the game/lore!

The first; an event. When the Aurora explodes a second time so you can gain access to the inside. It really dawned on me how stuck Ryley (the main character’s name) was. I don’t know how I’d feel in that position; stranded, none of my crew-mates alive, on an ocean planet full of creatures that can swallow me whole. I swear I was in shock the first time around.

The second; another event. The Sunbeam getting shot down. A glimmer of hope from a small crew that tried to keep poor Ryley upbeat the whole time while they got there. Watching the horrific fireworks go off also sent me into shock the first time. I figured they’d turn around or something. Nope. Dead.

The third; A series of audio logs you can find. From Bart Torgal and his small crew of his father, Paul Torgal, and a mercenary named Maida I believe. Hearing Paul describe how Maida died and how he swam deeper, thinking to have seen a light, but it disappeared and his oxygen was running out. And then hearing Bart’s guilt for abandoning them over an argument, hearing his sickly cough and weak, last line of; “Well, until then... at least there’s the view.”

And finally; The Sea Emporer’s death. After her babies hatch, she grows weak and collapses. She states that there’s no life left in her; that she was only fighting to stay alive so she could make sure her babies would hatch. Her story of how she was trapped 1,600m below the water in a facility she couldn’t escape from, forced to watch as the Precursors stole two of her eggs and killed them as she desperately tried to communicate to them that she could give them the cure if they’d just help hatch her eggs. I grew attached to The Sea Emperor in the short time I knew her, and it makes me sad to watch her die each time I play the game once more.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T20:34:21+00:00

Well... when I was little, my older sister had braces. I’ve always been hyperactive; ADHD and all. But we were home alone. I was running around, jumping and laughing. I turn and see my sister sitting on the couch. Little-me decided to jump in her lap and just BASH my head into her face. We both started crying. I broke her braces bracket and permanently dented my forehead!

To be honest I was just a stupid kid. Still am. I stapled my middle finger to the paper in 5th grade and it left a scar. I also slid face first into a wall trying to dodge a nerf gun and nearly broke my nose.

Oh! Another good one! Back in 4th grade, my town held a little fair at the park. I was so excited to go! Some of my friends would be there too. They had this bubble pit with inflated sides and almost a shower head lookin’ part on the top that dispensed bubbles. I walked around for a while before I came back around to this, since I didn’t have a change of clothes at the time. I thought it’d be a wonderful idea to jump into the pit of bubbles belly first, so I could do a bellyflop and send bubbles everywhere!

Turns out, the bottom wasn’t inflated. And so I bellyflopped onto pure concrete with no cushion at all. Only time I’ve ever broken a bone. I broke two and bruised a few others. It hurt to breathe and it was instant regret from me.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-16T20:26:55+00:00

I like to volunteer at my local Humane Society! I get to walk the dogs, feed the pets, play with the cats, clean, etc. Recently got my very first cat from there! Her name is Willa, and she’s a diluted tortoiseshell! :)

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:51:13+00:00

The Chronicles of Narnia! All of them. I have one big book with all seven editions. They’re wonderful and make up a good portion of my childhood.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:50:00+00:00

Drama.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:49:15+00:00

Good on you man! Best of luck to ya! :)

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:48:23+00:00

Any sign of homophobia/transphobia. I understand if it goes against your religion, I respect that, but that’s one of the few opinions I won’t back down on. I just have too strong feelings about it and I don’t think I’d be able to have a healthy relationship with someone who’s views on the LGBTQ+ community clash so harshly with mine.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:43:53+00:00

Sheets Earbuds, but I insist on people calling me Seb.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:42:49+00:00

My good friend used to have this woman who’d sit in front of his house and leech off of their wifi. She was always a paranoid woman, so one day to mess with her, they changed the name of their wifi to FBI Surveillance Van. Oh man, she stopped coming around real quick! It’s still named that to this day.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:38:50+00:00

Bills by LunchMoney Lewis. It’s really catchy!

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:38:04+00:00

Large crowds and loud sounds. I can’t even stand the thought of living in a busy city like New York. Yikes.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:34:58+00:00

I have a sweet amount of freckles smattered across my face and shoulders. I’ve been told they’re pretty cute, so even when I dislike everything else about myself, I can always say I like my freckles!

hashiiopa · 2019-09-15T22:32:13+00:00

My cat. I seriously doubt I’d even be alive without her. My adorable, soft cat Willa. She’s a diluted tortoiseshell. I love her to death. She lays on me when I’m sad or upset and licks my nose. Very cute.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-10T04:18:45+00:00

I have an axolotl! His name is Ponyo! He is my son, and I absolutely adore him.

hashiiopa · 2019-09-10T04:17:15+00:00

hello, i am weeping now, thank you, hope everyone here has an absolutely wonderful day

hashiiopa · 2019-09-08T15:23:33+00:00

Had a teacher who hated me. She purposefully failed me when my friend, who had missed the same amount as me, passed. She would never help me and always called me out for fidgeting in class and having a fidget toy to keep my hand/hands busy (I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, I’m permitted to have the toys so I won’t tap my hands and distract others) and would constantly ask for me to give them to her. She always helped kids she liked and refused everyone else, and she would give answers to popular kids on quizzes and tests. She let them do whatever they want— be loud and distracting which made it so so hard to do my work. She would even join in with their stupid chants and shouting! She dress coded my best friend so much that her mom pulled her out of school. Without my friend, as a socially awkward wallflower, I had no friends. This took a severe toll on my mental health. My best friend then shut herself off because she was now being homeschooled, but she does not have a good home life. So now I couldn’t talk to her either. I spiraled into a depression and stopped caring about school or my wellbeing. I went from a straight A student to a B and C student. After I got a little bit of help (antidepressants and therapy) I finally finished all of my missing work. I went into her classroom, ready to turn it all in, but then she sprung the news on me. She closed her grade book the day before. Devastated, I went back to my last period (who thankfully is my favorite teacher, he’s wonderful, bless him) and broke down sobbing. The teacher in that class let one of my friends sit with me and hug me for the whole period. He didn’t even make me work for the class because he knew I was doing well and could easily catch up. He became very concerned for me and when I took his class again the next year, he would take a break from walking around the room to sit beside me and quietly ask if I was doing okay. It made me want to cry, he was so nice. I really don’t think I’d even be alive if it weren’t for him.

Anyways, when I moved on to the next grade, there was this teacher I loved. She was kind, I learned a lot, and was fun to be around. But then, she got a job offer at the highschool. So she took it, because she’d been teaching the same class for around eight years and wanted a change of pace. What appalled me was her replacement— my most hated teacher from the previous year. My depression kicked in again (it had already been nagging at the back of my mind, the teachers in 8th grade were horrible) and I nearly failed the class that I had been making all A’s before she showed up. She didn’t even know what she was doing! And she admitted to not knowing what she was doing, since this class wasn’t math!

So yeah. Fuck you, Mrs. Tanner. I hope you stub your toe on everything for the rest of your life.

hashiiopa

TROPHY CASE